known donor who wants to remain anon

hhme77
hhme77 Junior Member Junior Member
in Selecting a Donor
I have an interesting situation in that I know who my donor is (an old friend), but he wishes to remain anonymous to everyone else...including any future child. Anyone else been in this same boat? How do you answer the "daddy" questions? I want to respect his anonymity, but I also don't want to lie to my child....help!
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Comments

  • robin
    robin Senior Member Senior Member
    I think you respect his wishes and say that a kind man made it possible for you to have your child. This is not lying it is just not saying everything you know but for a good reason. It would be the same with a donor that is not an id options donor. For me i will tell my son that a generous man made it possible for mommy to go to the doctors to help bring him into this world. Even with id options it only guarantees 1 contact that does not mean a relationship will come from that. I do not want my son to have illusions that the donor is a father bc he is not he is a donor.

    Good luck!
    Robin
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  • Anne72
    Anne72 Senior Member Senior Member
    I agree with Robin. Agree to keep it anonymous if you feel that he is the right donor for you. Be sure to get the legal agreements in place so there are no changes down the road. Also, get a full medical history now. You will want this at some point and don't want to have to go back and get it. You can look at the medical histories you get with donors from here to get an idea of what you'll need from him

    Also, will you or the child have contact with this man? What will happen if your child looks a lot like him. Have you thought about an answer if your child does accidentally find out one day who the donor is? I think you should be 100% honest about there being a donor " a kind man" as Robin puts it. And if the child finds out one day, just be truthful and honest
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  • hhme77
    hhme77 Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm not so worried about when the child is young... But is that going to fly when the kid gets older?? Guess he and I need to talk more about it...
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