Anyone else struggle?

julesrose07

Are there any other lesbians out there who have struggled with the fact that they can't get their partners pregnant? Logically, I know I can't give us a baby or contribute the other 50% of the gene pool that we need to conceive, but emotionally it really hurts and I just don't know how to get over it.

Don't get me wrong, I am so beyond grateful for cryobanks and other ways that we can go about finding ma great donor. I'm not upset that our first child won't be biologically mine, or that it won't look like me perhaps. What cuts me to the core sometimes is the hard and simple truth that I can't get my partner pregnant. The woman I will spend the rest of my life with, the person who I know was chosen for me to be my soul mate... I can't give us something I really would like to.

Any tips on how to deal with this emotion? It's been stuck around me now for a few months and I worry that it will make this conceiving process less relaxing for the both of us. My biggest worry is that I won't do absolutely everything I can to make this a peaceful, honest time for us because I feel like I am holding onto this strange emotion that I would love nothing more than to be able to make a baby with my love.

Any help would be greatly appreciated!!

panther99

I have a friend that's in a relationship with her partner. They have laughed and shed a few tears over this fact. Though my friend had a daughter previous to their relationship. May I suggest using the face match option, for either of you who's going to be momma2. As well as looking for heritage traits that are in yourself, that can possibly be carried on to the child.

Jeannette

It's one of those things that I can tell you, but you could never truly know for yourself until you've been there. A baby, your child, has nothing to do with genetics, but everything to do with love. You may not technically be contributing to how that child looks, but you will be there every step of the way and that essence (whether you like it or not) becomes part of them. They take on your looks, your mannerisms and your words. The only difference between a child that is not genetically related to you and the one that is, is the distance you yourself create.

I'm not saying it's easy. We all have to get past our own barriers. Maybe seeking counseling will help get past the feelings holding you back. Either way, it wouldn't hurt to do a little bit of soul searching, but understand that family is what you make of it and this is a beautiful time in your life. Take it all in and cherish the little moments. You'll talk about them one day with that little person who stares back at you with a smile so big, you can't imagine it not being part your life. You love them as if they're your own because they are your own. And without a doubt they love you back.

P.S. I totally get it. I wish I could get my partner pregnant too...to be able to share that experience from beginning to end in every way a straight couple can. But that little snippet of how it all begins is so quickly over and you're left with a whole bunch of other good stuff. Don't think too hard and miss out

jneal12

It will be love at first sight, don't worry. We decided to get pictures of the donor and one toddler picture looked like me so we knew we had picked the right one. Now our daughter is 3 and many people think I had her! Genetics doesn't make you a good mom, just be there for your partner but let her know your feelings. I had some of the same and my wife totally understood. She had some of the same feelings of having some strange persons sperm inside of her. It is a very strange thing but at the end I hope you get the best gift in life!

Mom0714

My partner had the EXACT same feelings - the way we dealt with it was for her to be the primary 'searcher' for the sperm donor. She is the one who narrowed it down and ultimately chose the donor, and she chose someone with similar physical characteristics to herself. Also she went to the dr.'s office and was the one who did the deed when it was time to inseminate (they put the cathetar in place and she did the honors, pushing the plunger). So when I got pregnant it made a big psychological difference, and she really felt like she had 'done' it, because literally she had! Our son is two now, and everyone says he looks a lot more like my partner than me.