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As a single person, how did you know it was the right time to have a baby?

lizzieloo3lizzieloo3 Member Member
I am new to the forums, my name is Lizzie.

I am 33, single and childless. I've been single my whole life, a choice I am happy about. I don't see a partner in my future (I would accept one if he came my way, it's just never been something I yearn for) but I just love being single!

I have wanted kids for a long time. Last Christmas I decided I would get a donor and do it alone. I haven't yet...what's stopping me?

I went back to school and just graduated in April, with lots of debt. I have 2 permanent jobs working a total of 32 hours per week with full benefits. But they aren't the best hours and getting daycare will be more difficult because of these hours. I also wanted to have a single full time job working 40 hours. But since I work in Social work a 9-5 job is unlikely for quite some time. I like to have my "ducks in a row" but a friend pointed out if I get them in a row I will likely find other ducks that need to be organized.

I worry that I will keep pushing it off and it will never happen. And I worry about my age. If I want 2 children I feel like I need to start. I also feel like now is the right time, and I'm not sure if this is the kind of decision I should let my heart make.

Truth is as I obsessively look at donor profiles (for the past 10 months) I came across one today and I felt like he was the one. I felt so connected I stated crying.

How did you decide it was the right time?

Lizzie

Comments

  • TakiyahTakiyah Member Member
    Hi Lizzie,

    I just turned 40 and have been single also not by choice. I have wanted children for at least 5 years now and decided last year it was time. No more putting itt off. There is never a right time to have kids. They just work with your schedule vice versa. I had some fertility issues that would get worse and may pprevent children in the future so now was the time. I am a full time student and plan on doing this by myself until Mr. right comes along. SOmetimes you just have to do it. Being 33 you do have some time depending on how you want to spread them out. I found my donor and got pregnant on the first try. Due in January. I will be still in school but graduating in May and hopefully have a job lined up.
  • SherylSheryl Senior Member Senior Member
    Lizzie, Thanks for sharing. We have a very similar story. I'd be interested in knowing which donor you went with if you felt like sharing. Good luck.
  • SherylSheryl Senior Member Senior Member
    Taball, you did IUI, correct? I believe you did the donor I plan to do at the end of September. Hope it turns out as well for me. :)
  • TakiyahTakiyah Member Member
    Yes I did the IUI with 4991. Good Luck to you.
  • JT.caJT.ca Junior Member Junior Member
    Hello Lizzie,

    Trust your instict and if you feel that you are ready to do it, go ahead. We have pretty much the same.. i kept putting it off cause of work and i kept saying i'll do it when i'm ready. But believe me, there will always be reasons to come up to delay it. Don't let it come on your way. I kept putting of mine for year but i'm having my first IUI next month. Hopefully i get it the first try too.. also, another thing to consider is when you find the right donor for you (which i think you already did), go ahead and get it so you won't regret it when they ran out. So if you are ready to go ahead, visit your doctor and start with the prelimimary test and appointments to get you ready before the actual procedure. Good luck!

    Hello Taball,

    Congratulations! I'm hoping for your safe pregnancy..i wish i also get pregnant the first try. I'll do mine next month..
  • SherylSheryl Senior Member Senior Member
    Thanks Taball!

    I hope everything is going well for you too.
  • mizzy409mizzy409 Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm not really sure when I made the decision but I waited until I had my financial ducks mostly lined up. By the time I paid off the last bill or two I wanted out of the way I was anxious to start. I was 41. I don't regret waiting but I ended up dealing with fertility issues and I'm having a harder time recovering from pregnancy and that is all probably age related. But I will say this for sure, since she's been born I haven't regretted it for a second. Best decision I ever made. I think if you're positive about this donor then that is probably the signal you're ready. Good luck. You may want to check out the Single Mothers by Choice forum as well. It's very active.
  • JaclynFJaclynF Junior Member Junior Member
    Lizzie,

    They say you are never fully ready for anything big in life, marriage, kids, new house, or any huge life change. I really feel life is about taking chances and when you feel the urge just jump. There are many single moms out there who are in your situation and do just fine. Remember the most important thing about having babies is that they feel loved. The rest falls into place.
  • belle_lunabelle_luna Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm 39 and knew for the last couple of years that I wanted a child of my own without a partner. I currently have x2 kids (5 and 13 years) who became mine 4 years ago when my sister passed away. I wanted to give them cousins so that in the future they'll have each other to rely on. So in March of 2017 I just went ahead and started fertility testing. It's been a long tedious 6 months and 1 failed IUI I'm finally seeing the end of the tunnel. It's been 14dpiui and multiple test strips has confirm that i'm PREGNANT!!! I just went this afternoon for an official blood test and can't wait for the results.

    Just take a chance because you don't know what the future will hold.

    Good Luck to u and everyone here!
  • lizzieloo3lizzieloo3 Member Member
    Thanks for all of the feedback, it is so appreciated.

    I have not slept since last Thursday and have been asking my close friends for advice. They are all supportive and are encouraging me to go for it. I also told my Mom I was considering this and she was all for it and said she would babysit every other weekend when I work at my one job. I was really surprised by this as we didn't have a good relationship for a long time. It has gotten so much better and I think she'll be a good Grandma. I am going home Thursday to talk to my Dad as I HAD this weird need to get his blessing. I say HAD, because as of this morning I don't need his blessing as I have chosen to go for it. It is the right time, every bone in my body knows it.

    I called Repromed (It's for us Canadians) and started the process. Bloodwork and Urine samples this week and when they get the results they will call me for a consultation.

    For those curious it is #5044 that I felt the connection. I'm not necessarily going to pick him though. His sperm can be shipped to Canada but I think I would like a Canadian through Repromed. Repromed doesn't seem to have a lot of sperm donor choices so 5044 might be the one in the end.

    Thank you for the tip of the Single Moms by Choice! I will be joining it for support!
  • TakiyahTakiyah Member Member
    JT.ca wrote: »
    Hello Lizzie,

    Trust your instict and if you feel that you are ready to do it, go ahead. We have pretty much the same.. i kept putting it off cause of work and i kept saying i'll do it when i'm ready. But believe me, there will always be reasons to come up to delay it. Don't let it come on your way. I kept putting of mine for year but i'm having my first IUI next month. Hopefully i get it the first try too.. also, another thing to consider is when you find the right donor for you (which i think you already did), go ahead and get it so you won't regret it when they ran out. So if you are ready to go ahead, visit your doctor and start with the prelimimary test and appointments to get you ready before the actual procedure. Good luck!

    Hello Taball,

    Congratulations! I'm hoping for your safe pregnancy..i wish i also get pregnant the first try. I'll do mine next month..

    Thank you and good luck to you!
  • TakiyahTakiyah Member Member
    belle_luna wrote: »
    I'm 39 and knew for the last couple of years that I wanted a child of my own without a partner. I currently have x2 kids (5 and 13 years) who became mine 4 years ago when my sister passed away. I wanted to give them cousins so that in the future they'll have each other to rely on. So in March of 2017 I just went ahead and started fertility testing. It's been a long tedious 6 months and 1 failed IUI I'm finally seeing the end of the tunnel. It's been 14dpiui and multiple test strips has confirm that i'm PREGNANT!!! I just went this afternoon for an official blood test and can't wait for the results.

    Just take a chance because you don't know what the future will hold.

    Good Luck to u and everyone here!

    Congrats to you!!!
  • Kellyp37Kellyp37 Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi! I totally understand what you are going through. I am almost 37 and am childless. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. I am giving up on finding a guy at this point. I’m too picky when it comes to men and don’t want the drama anymore. I’ll be 37 in December and it’s really hit me now that the clock is really ticking. I picked a donor but haven’t purchased vials yet because I would need to store them until summer which will get expensive. I guess I’m just. Hoping he will have vials when I’m ready. I never thought I would be in this situation but I am excited to say the least! I know I’ll be a great mom and I’m so ready. I need to tell my parents and that scares me because I know they will quiz me and try to talk to me out of it. I’m not rich and it’s going to add up having a child but I’ll regret not having one. I’m done waiting. It’s nice to know that there are others out there who understand.
  • SherylSheryl Senior Member Senior Member
    fyi: your fertility clinic most likely will be cheaper to store on a monthly basis vs. fairfax. Mine is only $25. Be that one of the questions you ask at your upcoming appointment.
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