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Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.

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Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!

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Name (under which the vial was purchased)
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Worried about this process

valentinjes11valentinjes11 Junior Member Junior Member
I started this process about a year ago. Went through several testing, Xray's and ultrasounds to ensure I can get pregnant.

I am 34 Years Old, Single, and I have bad luck with men. I have waited for as long as I possibly can to find the one, but it has not happened. I am approaching 35, and I have always wanted to have a baby. At first, I wanted to wait closer to 40, but according to my doctor, my pregnancy would be harder.

So now I decided to go along with this process, but I am worried. Is it recommended to have a baby on your own? I am financially stable, and can care for a child on my own. I have limited family supports, but I think if you want something bad enough, you can make it work.

Any single women who have similar stories.

My ultimate goal was to meet someone, but it has not happened, and I have no current spouse. Plus if I did meet someone, I am almost sure, it would take months to decide if you want children with that individual.

I know this is a hard decision, but I feel like if i don't go along with it, I will miss the opportunity to have a child.

Comments

  • Kimber19lynKimber19lyn Junior Member Junior Member
    I am in a similar situation. I am 37 going on 38. Not sure if it is bad luck with men or just my picky nature. :) I have thought about this off and on since I was about 34. I never wanted to have children after 35, but it feels like I was just 30 thinking I have time and then I woke up 37. I don't know that there is truly an answer for your question about whether it is recommended to have a baby on your own because I believe this is so individual. I have limited family resources as well and agree that if you want something bad enough you can make it work. I also thought in the beginning what if I move forward and then meet someone. My thought now is that if I do then they are on board or they aren't and if they aren't that makes the decision to not date them easy. I have given up things in my life that I want for the perfect relationship and now at 37 I refuse to do that anymore. I am about to have my first iui next month. Very excited. Slightly nervous. Wishing you the best with your decisions!
  • lizzieloo3lizzieloo3 Member Member
    If someone told you that being a singe mom is not recommended would you change your mind? The only person who can decide if you are ready and able to care for a child as a single person is you. Ignore everyone else.

    Personally I am 33 and ready to start a family and am able to care for my babe. I am 5 weeks pregnant and am already over the moon in love with this child.
  • mizzy409mizzy409 Junior Member Junior Member
    It is a very personal choice and there will be plenty who say not to. I did a lot of reading before I moved forward. Try Single Mother’s by Choice. The book is great and there is a very active forum. I’m going to be 44 this year and have a beautiful 1 year old. This has been the most amazing experience. It was the right choice for me.
  • waited40waited40 Member Member
    I am so glad to hear others feel the same way. I am nervous too but am confident in my decision. Mizzy409 I am so happy to hear at 44 you are loving it. Did yo do IUI or ivf? I am doing IUI as per Insurance but I know I’ll end up at ivf.
  • Kimber19lynKimber19lyn Junior Member Junior Member
    Waited40, I wish you luck! I am planning to have my first iui later this month. I really don’t know what to expect as far as outcomes. I am really excited and a little nervous. Definitely the right decision though. Do you have a good support system? I feel like although my mom is supportive, I am lacking in the support area. Not because people don’t support my decision, I just don’t have a lot of people I would consider in that group. Lizzieloo3, congrats!
  • waited40waited40 Member Member
    Waited40, I wish you luck! I am planning to have my first iui later this month. I really don’t know what to expect as far as outcomes. I am really excited and a little nervous. Definitely the right decision though. Do you have a good support system? I feel like although my mom is supportive, I am lacking in the support area. Not because people don’t support my decision, I just don’t have a lot of people I would consider in that group. Lizzieloo3, congrats!

    kimber - I am going on IUI four unfortunately. Had an etopic for last one so I had to take three months off.
    My support system is eh. My mother was initially really supportive. Then when I had the etopic she freaked out and said i shouldn’t be doing this. Etc. So actually I’ve told three friends and two are very supportive. One never asks about it but she’s a single
    Mom choice too. I’m not sure why she never asks me so I don’t talk to her about it. I think once that baby is here you’ll have lots of support. The process itself though is so daunting to many people because they don’t understand. But once they see a baby, how it got here doesn’t matter. Keep us posted on your process and I’ll be praying for you.
  • mizzy409mizzy409 Junior Member Junior Member
    I started trying in 2015. My doctor would have tried IUI but recommended against. Age is a bitch! But I had two IVF cycles, a bunch of complications in between and had success when I changed to donor eggs.

    A woman on the forum trying at the same time had several IVF failures. Did a Hail Mary IUI rather than totally sitting out one cycle and she has a two year old now. You just never know.

    In the beginning I never thought I would have been willing to go as far as donor eggs. This process if you aren’t one of the lucky ones who get pregnant quick, will either convince you to do anything or that you can be satisfied you gave your best shot but need to move on. It’s a heart wrenching rollercoaster. But in the end... 100% worth it.
  • Kimber19lynKimber19lyn Junior Member Junior Member
    It is a heart wrenching rollercoaster even before you start so I can’t imagine how I will feel later! :) The excitement outweighs that at the moment and I am staying positive despite the worries that creep in once and awhile. I am totally okay with my decision, grateful actually and my mom is supportive, but she has never been that parent that asks when she will have grandkids. Maybe because I have been independent and single a lot, but even when I was engaged she didn’t really ask about it. I think you are right and once a baby is here she will be there. Some of it may stem from her own struggle with a miscarriage before me. I have read that iui is more successful between the 4-6 time or 3-5. I can’t remember. So many things to remember because of all the information and of course everyone is an expert. Haha! Good luck! Keep me posted. I would love to know how it goes. If all goes as planned I will have my first iui late this month. And mizzy409 age is a frustrating thing! Feels like yesterday I thought eh I am only 30 and have plenty of time. Now I am pushing 38 thinking where did the time go and why does that muscle I didn’t know I had hurt all of the sudden. Lol
  • valentinjes11valentinjes11 Junior Member Junior Member
    I decided to go through with the process. I rather be a single mom, than to miss my opportunity. I waited for 8 + years, hoping, and praying to find the right guy, but have not. So I decided to have my first IUI during my next ovulation cycle, which should be next month.

    I really wanted donor 5417, but he has no vials left. I am on the waiting list. Hopefully I hear back by next month.
  • mizzy409mizzy409 Junior Member Junior Member
    Good luck! I know it’s hard but try not to get too hung up on getting just the right donor. If you have to go through this process long, hopefully not, you’ll probably find that this decision really wasn’t nearly as important as you think it is today. Women on the single mothers by choice forum have gone through multiple donors. I was lucky I got my first choice. But needed four vials and used every one. In the end when you’re holding your baby for the first time whether you got your first choice or tenth choice donor I doubt you’ll be thinking much about him at all except maybe thanking him.
  • SugacookieSugacookie Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm 37 (will be 38 in February) and preparing for ICI within the next two weeks. I am petrified, but so excited! I just purchased my vials last week, and have been working with my OBGYN to overcome my PCOS symptoms to become ovulatory. I've ovulated the past 3 months in a row with clomid, so I am ready to get this show on the road. :) Have any of you done ICI? What tips do you have? I purchased some softcups because I have read they can help holding the specimen in, but other than that I am unsure. My original gynecologist was not very supportive of my trying to conceive because of my age and being overweight, but my GP and new OBGYN seem to think I can do this. I'm financially stable but - like several of you - just haven't found the right person to do this with. Maybe he'll come along, but I didn't want to wait any longer! Best to you all!! :):)
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