Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Our Story (AKA How Babies Are Made)
hoppingpenguin
Junior Member Junior Member
At the end of 2005 we decided the time had come for us to expand our family. Sure, money was tight but we were getting old and figured there was no time like the present. So we went to our doctor to get all the dos and don'ts for making a healthy baby (yay to no kitty litter, boo to no beer) and started doing the things you do (If you don't know, go ask your mother). Our doc had said that it would likely take up to 7 or 8 months so we weren't too concerned when nothing happened for a while. As the months went by we worked a bit harder at it, predicting ovulation and scheduling meetings. Still nothing.
After a year we decided to go chat with our doctor. Often doctors want to wait two years before doing tests but because of our age she ordered test right away.
In December 2006 we got the news. Ry has no sperm. Not a low count, none. Zero, Zip. Nadda. "Your tests were fine Wendy". Ummm... great but I'm pretty sure sperm+egg = baby. Miss any one component and it doesn't work. So, we had a diagnosis. We were infertile. But, hey, at least we knew why.
We were referred to the Regional Fertility Clinic. We didn't have to wait too long, just a few months (they prioritize and older people often get in sooner - tickticktick). We met with our specialist who is the head of the clinic and a specialist in male infertility. A quick exam determined that there were no apperant blockages and since Ry has all the signs of a healthy level of testosterone (man hair!) the most likely cause was a genetic anomaly called a micro-deletion where a small part of the Y chromosome is missing. We had the option of genetic analysis to confirm but since it was pretty much the only thing that would cause the problem we didn't really see the point of spending the money or the time.
Now Doctor is a smart man. He knows his stuff. But his "bedside manner" was a little wanting. We were told our options and that we didn't have to decide right away. Uh huh. You think we want a little time for this to sink in? Up to this point, we had held onto the slim hope that the problem would be something correctable. Sorry, please try again.
We had three options.
They could biopsy Ry's testicle (oops sorry, forgot the ooky medical warning) and see if they could find some little sperm-ettes. It's possible that the process starts but doesn't finish and sometimes the partly formed sperm can be used for IVF ICSI. With ICSI a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. This would be really, really expensive but was our only chance of having a child who was genetically related to both of us.
The second option was Donor Insemination. In this case the child would be genetically related to me but obviously not to Ry.
Our final option was adoption.
Ry wanted to rule out IVF ICSI almost right away. You see, if we had a boy, he would have the same problem as Ry. But our son would grow up knowing he was infertile. Knowing how hard this had been for us, Ry didn't think that was fair. And I'd be lying if I said the cost wasn't a factor. It was. But it wasn't the most important factor. There was also the nasty fertility drugs that I would have to take. All things considered, IVF ICSI wasn't for us.
We decided to try DI. There were a few reasons for this. The most important one, I think, was that we would have control over the prenatal care of our child. And I admit, I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to experience that.
We often joke that we bought Miss K on-line. Well, we bought some of the raw materials anyway.
After a few more tests on me confirmed that I was basically healthy and fertile, we went shopping through some on-line catalogs (handy!). We knew that we wanted a donor who l was similar in colouring and build to Ry, but more important we wanted someone creative and smart with a healthy family history. We quickly discovered that the donor would be taller than Ry (who is all of 5'6") since all the donors his height were asian and we're not. We made a list of 4 donors we were comfortable with and called and placed our order. Our first choice was sold out - blue eyed blondes go quickly. I've never been so glad that I got my second choice. The choice that made Miss K is the best choice ever! (give me a sec, I'm getting verclempt).
In July of 2007 we had our first "treatment". A couple of weeks later we found out that the first try was unsuccessful.
On August 1st we had our second insemination. On August 17th we got a positive pregnancy test. I had gone through in my head what I would say to Ry, how I would tell him. It would be this grand memorable moment. But I was speechless. I just walked up to him and stuck the little pee-stick in front of him. He looked at it and, in true guy fashion, said "Are you sure". Ummm... you're looking at the same pee-stick I am...
The next day we were at a special event where Ry received a special accolade. People kept congratulating him and commenting on the "big day". We just looked at each other and shared a private smile.
We couldn't tell anyone at this point. We were scared. After so many disappointments, you're afraid to be happy.
We had shared our infertility with our families and with only 4 very close friends. It took a while to be able to share the results...
The pregnancy went as pregnancies should (much vomiting, worry and fear) and on April 15, 2008 Miss K came into our lives.
I asked Ry a few months ago if he would change things. If we could have a child that was genetically both of ours, would he?
Well, we wouldn't change a thing. Miss K is the baby we wanted. She's perfect.
After a year we decided to go chat with our doctor. Often doctors want to wait two years before doing tests but because of our age she ordered test right away.
In December 2006 we got the news. Ry has no sperm. Not a low count, none. Zero, Zip. Nadda. "Your tests were fine Wendy". Ummm... great but I'm pretty sure sperm+egg = baby. Miss any one component and it doesn't work. So, we had a diagnosis. We were infertile. But, hey, at least we knew why.
We were referred to the Regional Fertility Clinic. We didn't have to wait too long, just a few months (they prioritize and older people often get in sooner - tickticktick). We met with our specialist who is the head of the clinic and a specialist in male infertility. A quick exam determined that there were no apperant blockages and since Ry has all the signs of a healthy level of testosterone (man hair!) the most likely cause was a genetic anomaly called a micro-deletion where a small part of the Y chromosome is missing. We had the option of genetic analysis to confirm but since it was pretty much the only thing that would cause the problem we didn't really see the point of spending the money or the time.
Now Doctor is a smart man. He knows his stuff. But his "bedside manner" was a little wanting. We were told our options and that we didn't have to decide right away. Uh huh. You think we want a little time for this to sink in? Up to this point, we had held onto the slim hope that the problem would be something correctable. Sorry, please try again.
We had three options.
They could biopsy Ry's testicle (oops sorry, forgot the ooky medical warning) and see if they could find some little sperm-ettes. It's possible that the process starts but doesn't finish and sometimes the partly formed sperm can be used for IVF ICSI. With ICSI a single sperm is injected directly into an egg. This would be really, really expensive but was our only chance of having a child who was genetically related to both of us.
The second option was Donor Insemination. In this case the child would be genetically related to me but obviously not to Ry.
Our final option was adoption.
Ry wanted to rule out IVF ICSI almost right away. You see, if we had a boy, he would have the same problem as Ry. But our son would grow up knowing he was infertile. Knowing how hard this had been for us, Ry didn't think that was fair. And I'd be lying if I said the cost wasn't a factor. It was. But it wasn't the most important factor. There was also the nasty fertility drugs that I would have to take. All things considered, IVF ICSI wasn't for us.
We decided to try DI. There were a few reasons for this. The most important one, I think, was that we would have control over the prenatal care of our child. And I admit, I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to experience that.
We often joke that we bought Miss K on-line. Well, we bought some of the raw materials anyway.
After a few more tests on me confirmed that I was basically healthy and fertile, we went shopping through some on-line catalogs (handy!). We knew that we wanted a donor who l was similar in colouring and build to Ry, but more important we wanted someone creative and smart with a healthy family history. We quickly discovered that the donor would be taller than Ry (who is all of 5'6") since all the donors his height were asian and we're not. We made a list of 4 donors we were comfortable with and called and placed our order. Our first choice was sold out - blue eyed blondes go quickly. I've never been so glad that I got my second choice. The choice that made Miss K is the best choice ever! (give me a sec, I'm getting verclempt).
In July of 2007 we had our first "treatment". A couple of weeks later we found out that the first try was unsuccessful.
On August 1st we had our second insemination. On August 17th we got a positive pregnancy test. I had gone through in my head what I would say to Ry, how I would tell him. It would be this grand memorable moment. But I was speechless. I just walked up to him and stuck the little pee-stick in front of him. He looked at it and, in true guy fashion, said "Are you sure". Ummm... you're looking at the same pee-stick I am...
The next day we were at a special event where Ry received a special accolade. People kept congratulating him and commenting on the "big day". We just looked at each other and shared a private smile.
We couldn't tell anyone at this point. We were scared. After so many disappointments, you're afraid to be happy.
We had shared our infertility with our families and with only 4 very close friends. It took a while to be able to share the results...
The pregnancy went as pregnancies should (much vomiting, worry and fear) and on April 15, 2008 Miss K came into our lives.
I asked Ry a few months ago if he would change things. If we could have a child that was genetically both of ours, would he?
Well, we wouldn't change a thing. Miss K is the baby we wanted. She's perfect.
Comments
First off congratulations. We are going through a similar situation and are considering DI. We have one boy conceived through IVF in 2003 and have tried 7 IVFs since. Long story, short we are considering DI because my husband has low count and motility and we seemed to have tried everything. My question to you is - what are your plans for disclosure to "Miss K". Are you planning on telling her how she came to be? The reason I ask is my husband is struggling with this part of DI. I am curious to see how other DI parents feel about this and what their plans are. My doctor mentioned to me that disclosure is entirely up to the couple involved and need not be disclosed to the child however he also indicated that he could obviously not make that decision for us. My feelings are that it would be our child and that yes some "raw materials" were gotten elsewhere, but we are true parents. So I am somewhat inclined to not disclose the information because I think that it brings up a whole lot of unnecessary insecurities/emotions for the child. What are your thoughts on this. Any info you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
We feel pretty strongly that she has a right to know. She's only 2 1/2 now but we already talk about it openly in front of her. We actually joke that we already told her and she seems fine with it.
Our hope is that if it's always part of her "world view" she'll never have to adjust to the information if/when it comes to light later. It's like children who always knew that they were adopted vs. ones who find out later in life. I think that getting that information as a teen or as an adult could be traumatic but if you always knew then it's just "how things are".
I think that if you don't plan to tell your child then you need to limit who has that information. Otherwise you'll always be worried about someone letting it slip.
Ultimately, your doctor is right, only you can make that decision. These are just my thoughts on what was right for us and for our family.
There's a really good book out there called "Helping the Stork". (http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Stork-Cho ... 002861917X)
It has some great information that might be helpful on a whole bunch of topics including this one.
I hope this helps. Let me know if you want me to babble more on this.
I hope it ends happily for you too! Good luck