Any tips for keeping significant other involved?

CLI Moderator

Some dads may feel overwhelmed by the whole process of using a donor. Does anyone have tips to share on how to keep your spouse or significant other involved and excited during this journey?

nnegaard

My husband came to the first insemination which was exciting for both of us. Even though the first one didn't take, it felt like we were better connected and both on board with the decision.

firstandformostmom

clarapippa

cottonlily

For us, it's not a struggle. My husband just eventually came to terms with the fact that he cannot biologically produce children. Once it really sank in with him that there are no "ifs" or "buts" or miracles going to happen for us (after years of trying and 4 IUIs) he was able to move on to considering donor insemination. So I think the trick is to really grasp and accept the reason you are using a donor before trying to accept using a donor. Actually, he was the one who suggested using a donor. From that point forward the process has been almost fun even. It's a project we're tackling together, from trying to find the right sperm bank to finding the right donor; joking how some profiles sound like they belong on a cheesy dating site, to going in for another insemination. We're just on the same page and everything flows smoothly. Personally, I wouldn't dare try to go forward with a donor insemination if my partner wasn't already 100% on board, with a positive and accepting attitude. That would be like couples on the brink of divorce, who try to push forward without resolving the issues they're already facing. It's just not going to work well.

hellagood82

My husband and I have gone through the heartache of realizing my husband isn't producing any sperm. What a blow to both of us, but I cannot imagine how he feels. We both discussed having children from the day that we met. Although we aren't starting a family in such a conventional manner as once thought, we are on our way to starting a family none the less. We have taken our time coming to terms, coping with, and coming up with a plan for our situation. Our journey has been almost three years to get to the point of using the donor we've chosen, and I'm glad we've taken the time that we have. My husband and I are 199% on the same page. The fertility center that we are using actually mandates that their clients visit with their psychiatrist before beginning treatments to ensure both partners are on the same page. For anyone considering the donor route, please, for your own peace of mind make one appointment to clear the air and go over any concerns or questions that either partner may have. Most areas have fertility specific counselors available. Although my husband and I had already discussed nearly everything brought up in the session, a few things did come up that we honestly wouldn't have thought about. We will be doing our first insemination in a few weeks and we are over the moon!!! We are keeping our fingers crossed and are praying that we will be parents to a healthy baby sooner than later. This process in a way has made us MUCH closer as a couple. We love unconditionally and have become a much stronger force. I feel as though I don't have much ground to stand on as far as giving advice since we are not parents yet. On the other hand I know how hard it is to come to terms with, and how hard it is to go through the grieving process with your spouse. For anyone looking into using a donor I can only ask that you both spend enough time talking it out. It can be so easy as a woman to go after what we want without taking into account our spouses true feelings, even when we get the "it's fine" response. Good luck to everyone trying

Gatorgrl81

ladyrosaleah