Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Discussing use of donor with kids
My husband and I are planning to disclose/discuss to our children the use of a donor. We want to start as early as possible, but make information age-appropriate. Most of the books I have found on the market are geared towards the gay/lesbian community and don't discuss the use of donors. Our situation from a fertility perspective is quite different. I'm looking for books for kids, or books that my husband and I can use to help us present information. I also want to hear from other parents about their conversations with their kids. It's our deepest prayer that our children grow up to be comfortable and accepting of who they are.
Looking forward to hearing from others, JLD
Looking forward to hearing from others, JLD
Comments
I have to admit, though, that I don't want anyone to think of the donor as their "real father". I believe we will express to them the situation in comparison to a blood donor. While a blood donor may have saved your life, you don't typically have a intimate relationship with them. We really want everyone to understand that the donor is just that, a person who donated a specimen for us to have a baby, similar to a person who donates a specimen for those who need blood. I don't think I'm going to find that in any children's literature though! We still understand that the child may be curious as to inherent physical characteristics and will do our best to provide them as much information as possible, while respecting the privacy of everyone involved.
The only resource that I've found that deals specifically with the use of donors is called "Mommies, Daddies, Donors, Surrogages: Answering Tough Questions and Building Strong Families" (by Diane Ehrensaft, PhD). Our fertility counselor recommended this before we even decided to use a donor, and it's been a helpful reference throughout the process of building our family. It also has a few chapters on how to talk with your kids. Many of the websites dealing with donors and children conceived with donors are unhelpful, scary or angry. We want a more positive conversation. With the growing use of donors, I just can't believe that there aren't more resources out there.
Helping the Stork: The Choices and Challenges of Donor Insemination http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Stork-Cho ... 002861917X
In addition to tons of stories and information about dealing with male infertility, it has a section on discussing DI with family, friends and your children.
There is also a set of pamphlets available on line that give age-appropriate ideas for parents. I can't remember who put them out but when I find it, I'll post a link.
They are called Telling and Talking. The webpage describes them this way - "These booklets are aimed at parents of children aged 0 – 7, 8 – 11, 12 – 16 and to young people and adults over the age of 17." There is a small fee to download a pdf or you can buy printed copies.
You can also find resources on line. I did a google search for "talking to children about donor sperm" and got several hits that, at first glance, appear to be pretty good resources.
I hope that helps!
My daughter is not quite 3. So far she hasn't asked about where babies come from but when she does, we're prepared to tell her about the "usual" method as well as letting her know that there are other methods and that she was made in a special way. Wish me luck with that one!