Allison's story
I had decided a long time ago that I was going to be a mom. In this little book I filled out each school year, it asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I had numerous things listed there throughout the years but the one constant was “a mom.” I remember being fascinated by pregnant women at a very young age and puffing out my belly to pretend I was pregnant! When I was in college, I decided that if I didn’t meet that “special someone” by the time I got to a certain age (I never really definitively defined that age), then I would figure out how to do it myself. I did tons of reading and talking and thinking and decided that donor insemination was the way I wanted to go. I was never and am still not opposed to adopting, but I really wanted to try to have a genetic connection to my child. I have 2 friends who have gone the donor insemination route, 1 anonymous and 1 known. I knew this was something I could do given that I was raised mostly by a single mother and have lots of family and friends supporting me.
I finally made an appointment with the fertility clinic in September 2009. I was 36 at the time. I spent a month doing the fertility testing they suggested (not all, because I knew I did not have a fertility problem; my only problem was lack of free, fresh sperm). I had been charting my BBT and cervical fluid for close to a year at that point and had used a (borrowed) fertility monitor for a few months and everything seemed OK. I also started doing acupuncture that summer. I had blood tests done throughout my cycle that month and an ultrasound to check my ovarian reserve. (I refused anything having to do with Clomid!) Nothing revealed any evidence why I shouldn’t go forward. So I picked out my donor. It was really pretty easy to find. I picked an identity release donor who has similar characteristics as me (except I wanted a thin donor to give my child a genetic chance to maybe be thin). This one seemed to be perfect. I ordered 2 vials and was ready to go.
In October, my fertility monitor did not give me a peak reading, which had me puzzled and disappointed. In November, I had a peak reading and went in for my first IUI. Unfortunately it didn’t work that time. In December, I tried again and it worked! I was so excited and proud! I had turned 37 in November. I had an early ultrasound and they were concerned about the heart rate; it was too low. I refused any other ultrasounds beyond that because I just wanted to enjoy being pregnant, even if it wasn’t going to last. I miscarried Saturday February 20th, 2010. I was actually at a friend’s house 2 hours away. I woke up with bleeding, tried to will it away, which didn’t work so I drove the 2 hours home! Stupid maybe, but I knew I only wanted to be home if this was going to happen. My friend who I was visiting just had to put her cat down and she was an emotional wreck and her mother who was visiting was not a warm fuzzy sort of person. I really believe in signs and as I pulled into my driveway, a red tail hawk flew in front of me down the driveway. I was on the phone with a friend at the time (trying to stop myself from passing out) and I immediately started sobbing, but only because I knew it to be a good sign. Everything passed as it should, as soon as I was home and my body was supported.
My body seemed to recover fairly well. I started charting again and the fertility monitor told me I was ready again at the end of May. I had debated whether or not to go with the same donor but figured I was receptive to him the first time, might as well try with him again. I ordered 2 vials. I was also debating whether or not to start in May. I wasn’t sure my body was truly ready, but figured, “why not?” It didn’t work in May or June. I ordered 2 more vials. Neither of those worked either. Then, maybe another sign, but that donor became unavailable. I spent lots of time searching for another. This time it seemed harder. I found one who fit my criteria, but something was missing. I showed his profile to a couple friends and one “didn’t feel it” either. She grabbed my computer and started searching. She came up with one and showed me. I had missed him. He looked pretty good so I decided to go with him. This was Labor Day weekend. I was supposed to ovulate that week and I still hadn’t ordered the goods. The bank was closed on Labor Day so I called first thing Tuesday morning. I realized I needed to fill out a consent for the new donor, so I did that, e-mailed it back, and luckily they were able to order my goods that day. I bought 2 vials and had it shipped fast in order to make it on time. Turns out I would’ve been fine with regular shipping, but you never really know with ovaries. I went in (this was not my 7th time “having expensive sex” under fluorescent lights with my feet in stirrups.) I did ask to look at the swimmers under the microscope with the nurse, but otherwise, it was the same old thing. I had plans to drive about 4 hours away to attend a meeting the next day for my 5 year old nephew at his school. I was at the tail end of a cold so I decided to get up really early in the morning and drive to the meeting, which was at 8am! I did just that and spent the afternoon with my nephew when he got out of school. He had some friends over and it was a real challenge to hang out with them that evening being tired and trying to get over a cold (preparation for motherhood, I guess). To top it off, his mother was late getting home from work. By the time I got to the hotel room at 9pm, I was ready to crash. Little did I know that throughout all this, 2 cells were getting together and doing some magic! Maybe that's what my baby needed-mom to not think about it for once!
I was due to get my period about a week and a half later. I hadn’t had a temperature shift yet but my temps hadn’t dropped either. I decided I might as well take a pregnancy test. It didn’t seem to take long for the test to register and it said yes! I couldn’t believe it. I was jumping all around my house, yelling and screaming. My dog was joining in on the excitement. It was a happy morning! I refused an ultrasound or any other testing the fertility clinic wanted to do. I just wanted to enjoy this pregnancy and be happily oblivious. It was difficult trying to stay positive and optimistic. On November 15th, I heard the heartbeat for the first time. It was a perfect 140 beats per minute. I literally felt this huge layer being peeled off of me. When I stood up, I was lighter on the earth! I am now 14 weeks pregnant and can’t wait for the next opportunity to hear the heartbeat!
I am very open to hearing from other families who share this donor. I feel like the more connections my child and I can have to "the other side of the family" the better.
I finally made an appointment with the fertility clinic in September 2009. I was 36 at the time. I spent a month doing the fertility testing they suggested (not all, because I knew I did not have a fertility problem; my only problem was lack of free, fresh sperm). I had been charting my BBT and cervical fluid for close to a year at that point and had used a (borrowed) fertility monitor for a few months and everything seemed OK. I also started doing acupuncture that summer. I had blood tests done throughout my cycle that month and an ultrasound to check my ovarian reserve. (I refused anything having to do with Clomid!) Nothing revealed any evidence why I shouldn’t go forward. So I picked out my donor. It was really pretty easy to find. I picked an identity release donor who has similar characteristics as me (except I wanted a thin donor to give my child a genetic chance to maybe be thin). This one seemed to be perfect. I ordered 2 vials and was ready to go.
In October, my fertility monitor did not give me a peak reading, which had me puzzled and disappointed. In November, I had a peak reading and went in for my first IUI. Unfortunately it didn’t work that time. In December, I tried again and it worked! I was so excited and proud! I had turned 37 in November. I had an early ultrasound and they were concerned about the heart rate; it was too low. I refused any other ultrasounds beyond that because I just wanted to enjoy being pregnant, even if it wasn’t going to last. I miscarried Saturday February 20th, 2010. I was actually at a friend’s house 2 hours away. I woke up with bleeding, tried to will it away, which didn’t work so I drove the 2 hours home! Stupid maybe, but I knew I only wanted to be home if this was going to happen. My friend who I was visiting just had to put her cat down and she was an emotional wreck and her mother who was visiting was not a warm fuzzy sort of person. I really believe in signs and as I pulled into my driveway, a red tail hawk flew in front of me down the driveway. I was on the phone with a friend at the time (trying to stop myself from passing out) and I immediately started sobbing, but only because I knew it to be a good sign. Everything passed as it should, as soon as I was home and my body was supported.
My body seemed to recover fairly well. I started charting again and the fertility monitor told me I was ready again at the end of May. I had debated whether or not to go with the same donor but figured I was receptive to him the first time, might as well try with him again. I ordered 2 vials. I was also debating whether or not to start in May. I wasn’t sure my body was truly ready, but figured, “why not?” It didn’t work in May or June. I ordered 2 more vials. Neither of those worked either. Then, maybe another sign, but that donor became unavailable. I spent lots of time searching for another. This time it seemed harder. I found one who fit my criteria, but something was missing. I showed his profile to a couple friends and one “didn’t feel it” either. She grabbed my computer and started searching. She came up with one and showed me. I had missed him. He looked pretty good so I decided to go with him. This was Labor Day weekend. I was supposed to ovulate that week and I still hadn’t ordered the goods. The bank was closed on Labor Day so I called first thing Tuesday morning. I realized I needed to fill out a consent for the new donor, so I did that, e-mailed it back, and luckily they were able to order my goods that day. I bought 2 vials and had it shipped fast in order to make it on time. Turns out I would’ve been fine with regular shipping, but you never really know with ovaries. I went in (this was not my 7th time “having expensive sex” under fluorescent lights with my feet in stirrups.) I did ask to look at the swimmers under the microscope with the nurse, but otherwise, it was the same old thing. I had plans to drive about 4 hours away to attend a meeting the next day for my 5 year old nephew at his school. I was at the tail end of a cold so I decided to get up really early in the morning and drive to the meeting, which was at 8am! I did just that and spent the afternoon with my nephew when he got out of school. He had some friends over and it was a real challenge to hang out with them that evening being tired and trying to get over a cold (preparation for motherhood, I guess). To top it off, his mother was late getting home from work. By the time I got to the hotel room at 9pm, I was ready to crash. Little did I know that throughout all this, 2 cells were getting together and doing some magic! Maybe that's what my baby needed-mom to not think about it for once!
I was due to get my period about a week and a half later. I hadn’t had a temperature shift yet but my temps hadn’t dropped either. I decided I might as well take a pregnancy test. It didn’t seem to take long for the test to register and it said yes! I couldn’t believe it. I was jumping all around my house, yelling and screaming. My dog was joining in on the excitement. It was a happy morning! I refused an ultrasound or any other testing the fertility clinic wanted to do. I just wanted to enjoy this pregnancy and be happily oblivious. It was difficult trying to stay positive and optimistic. On November 15th, I heard the heartbeat for the first time. It was a perfect 140 beats per minute. I literally felt this huge layer being peeled off of me. When I stood up, I was lighter on the earth! I am now 14 weeks pregnant and can’t wait for the next opportunity to hear the heartbeat!
I am very open to hearing from other families who share this donor. I feel like the more connections my child and I can have to "the other side of the family" the better.