Help deciding/Need guidance - single mother by choice

thefriendlyotter

I'm thinking of becoming a single mother by choice and I'm getting cold feet. I'm 37yrs. old and I haven't found a partner but I don't want to miss out on my window to have children. I'm a doctoral student and I'll graduate in 1.5 years. After that I'll be seeking a tenure-track professorship. But I make very little right now. How did you decide on a budget? How much time did you set aside to take time off of work? How did you figure out how much help you would need and how did you arrange this in advance? Are there any good support resources out there for us?

I want this so badly, but I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to move forward unless I know that I'll have the resources to do so. This isn't the ideal time, but I don't think I'd ever forgive myself 5-10 years from now if I didn't try. I just don't know. Thank you so much for any guidance you are willing or able to offer.

RMassachusetts

It will never be the "right" time, so do it now or risk the regret.

I am 39 SMC, 9 weeks pregnant, and it took two years of trying to get here. My life is not perfect, but it never will be. Like you, I am an academic, but I am in a tenure track job. This is "bad" timing for me because I will be coming up for tenure shortly after the baby is born. But I would always regret not being a mom. So I made the decision, and I could not be happier with the choice.

Nothing in life is perfect or easy. You make adjustments, and it will be okay.

irenerheflin

thefriendlyotter wrote:

I'm thinking of becoming a single mother by choice and I'm getting cold feet. I'm 37yrs. old and I haven't found a partner but I don't want to miss out on my window to have children. I'm a doctoral student and I'll graduate in 1.5 years. After that I'll be seeking a tenure-track professorship. But I make very little right now. How did you decide on a budget? How much time did you set aside to take time off of work? How did you figure out how much help you would need and how did you arrange this in advance? Are there any good support resources out there for us?

I want this so badly, but I don't want to be selfish. I don't want to move forward unless I know that I'll have the resources to do so. This isn't the ideal time, but I don't think I'd ever forgive myself 5-10 years from now if I didn't try. I just don't know. Thank you so much for any guidance you are willing or able to offer.

I would say, don't think too much. Just do it now.