Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Rewarding Job
Fairfax Cryobank
Administrator Senior Member
Being a single mother is without a doubt a very difficult job. However, there are also so many rewards to raising children.
What are some of your most rewarding experiences of being a single mother? Please share a funny or heart warming story of how your little ones have changed your life.
What are some of your most rewarding experiences of being a single mother? Please share a funny or heart warming story of how your little ones have changed your life.
Comments
That said, I look at some of my married friends now and wonder how truly different it would be during these early years with a husband. Perhaps I'll view this issue differently as my son grows, but it seems to me that I would still be the one primarily taking the time to care for a sick child, doctors' appointments, etc.
I still hope I can find someone who would become a husband and great father. Until then, I have wonderful, enormous responsibilities.
I would love to hear from other single parents as to how they have explained the fact of their child's existence and any advice as to that? Small fry is not yet 2-1/2, and occasionally asking questions.
And now? Fufilled. Happy. No depression. I'm a better woman, employee, friend, daughter, etc. BECAUSE of my son. So empty before, so much purpose, fun, anxiety, etc. now.
If you're considering this step, take your budgets and DOUBLE the expenses. At least. Daycare and nursery school will drain you faster than you think.
I found one website and talked to a psychologist that has encouraged me to talk to her from the beginning about her origins - that kids don't process it all at one time but it starts to sink in. We've had moments of tears about why she doesn't have a Daddy, but we keep coming back to "families come in all different forms" and she seems to be pretty well adjusted to it. I've also made a point of having very strong male roles in her life - her grandfather, her uncles, older cousins. We spend time with married couples with kids the same age so she's hopefully seeing some traditional families, and at least one husband has really stepped in to engage her when we are around. I specifically avoid bringing anyone I date around her to make sure she's not getting mixed signals. But its a tough issue and if someone else out there has some advice or recommended reading - I'd love to hear it!
I can never begin to truly express my thanks to the man who chose to donate and the rigorous process Fairfax employs! I hope more Moms will sign up - we're a unique group and I'd love to find some additional support.
I have an amazing support system from my parents (that were over the moon when I told them I wanted to have a baby on my own), my two sisters and their families, and friends. My family and I all live within 20 minutes of each other, so she will be raised by all of us and get to grow up with her cousins (5 kids under the age of 5). Because of the love and support I have from my family, I'm going to try to conceive another child within the next year.
I believe that it's important that she knows from the start our family is structured differently, but that it's just as wonderful and loving as any other family. Even at 9 months old I talk to her a little about her other half. I'll say, "these cute little toes must come from your donor daddy." I figure if she hears about this early on, then it will be easier for her to accept... she will grow up knowing that families come in different packages and that a very nice man helped mommy have her.
I have a friend that is also a Single Mother by Choice (SMC) and two others that are trying to conceive right now. Having a support group is wonderful! I am thankful to Fairfax to setting up this blog because the more support the better.
I too decided to have my son on my own. I knew from an early age I wanted to be a mother - this was always my answer when asked what do I want to be when I grow up. Knowing the risks and difficulties past 35 I made the decision early that if I was not in a stable relationship by that age I would embark on the journey alone.
I had no idea what a difference in my life it would bring. My son is currently 6mths and we are both enjoying my mat leave. As I am sure you can understand, the love I have for my child is overwhelming. His smile warms my heart and I love his hugs. I too still hold out hope that a special someone will come along but for now my son is my world. I have been lucky enough to have moved back in with my parents who are overjoyed to have their grandson around every day so they can watch him grow. The support is amazing.
Look forward to talking with you all!
I spent the first 20 years of my adult life too focused on my career. But I always knew that I was missing something. I have always wanted to be a Mom and help a person grow and learn and love. At 39, I made the decision to go for it. I was very lucky to have the IUI work on the first try and my beautiful little girl will be 8 months old next week.
I can't imagine what I did with my days and time before now - each day reminds of the beauty of everything and everyone around me because she is experiencing it for the first time.
I still work full time in a demanding job but feel blessed to have been able to move back to my hometown near her grandparents. I am also blessed with a fantastic nanny who loves her and takes wonderful care of her.
I know there are challenging times ahead - but I have NEVER regretted my decision.
I kind of like the term "donor daddy" that mnrobertsca is using. I hate to just dismiss his paternal side as "your donor," although I'm reluctant to use abba/daddy because he *knows* other kids have an 'actual' one. He has a friend whose parents were never married, so he knows that not all families are the same. But I still have moments when he starts "I go see my abba." or "Tommorrow we go to my abba's house"... At that point, well, I'm not panicking, but I do find myself tearing up. I also have started the "not all families are the same", but do I actually tell him-- "I'm so sorry, but you don't have a daddy?" So I don't know.
And yes, toddlerhood is QUITE the challenge! They certainly are as changable as the wind, and with twice the energy!
I have to admit that I still haven't gone out except for work on my own. I still feel like I spend too much time working anyway, so the time I can spend with him (even when he's asleep) kind of assuages my feeling like other people are 'raising' him. Weekends are certainly different now-- 48 hrs of family time!! I am grateful to know that some men-- whatever their own reasons-- are generous enough to share a bit so that more families can be created.
I, too, was dedicated to my career for many years, but something was always missing. I was married for nearly 10 years before leaving and embarking on the journey alone. It was just after my divorce that I realized that the missing piece to my life was a child. After a little research and some discussions with doctors, I had my first IUI performed. I went through about a year and a half of testing, IUIs, waiting, let-down, more testing, more waiting...but it was all worth it. My son is now almost 6 months and he is my world. Now, I can't imagine what it would be like without him.
It is definitely life-altering, and being a single working mother certainly has its challenges, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thank you, all, for sharing your stories
I am so grateful to my donor, he has changed my life completely. My 18-month old son is the love of my life. There are days when I don't get much sleep but he is worth it all! I have decided to be up front with him regarding his "donor daddy" but I also don't share that info with most people. Those close to me know my how I concieved my son, but I feel as he gets older, it is his story to tell if he so chooses. Thanks for the stories!!
My story is similar to all of yours as I also made the decision to use IUI after not meeting Mr. Right and unsuccessfully trying to adopt as a single woman. Like you, I was focused on my career and turned around and realized that I was 39 and time was running out. I didn't want to rush into a relationship and end up with a dysfunctional family as this route did at least provide a loving and stable environment. My son is 8 months old so he hasn't started asking questions yet, but as most if not all of you have stated, I plan to be open and honest. I haven't spoken to a psychologist about this approach, but I was thinking rather than saying "you don't have a father" which technically isn't true as there is a biological dad, albeit an anonymous dad, I thought perhaps using the term "volunteer daddy who lives far away" for when they are young with details added as they get older and are more capable of understanding. I can talk about the biological dad in terms of how compassionate his father is and discuss some of the info that was given by Fairfax so he knows information. Even if I meet Mr. Right, I want my child to know about his biological dad as well and to feel good about his bio dad. I also think talking to his teachers when he starts school and letting them know the situation so they can be sensitive to things like making father's day cards (i.e. give my son a special project to do while the kids make father's day cards) would be helpful too. One of my fears is that choosing this path is still taboo for a lot of people and I worry about my son telling his friends who then tell their parents and their parents say something negative resulting in my son getting bullied. I don't worry about what others think of me, but I don't expect a little boy to be strong.
I do have some rough moments though, like when my 1 yr olds want to clear the tables/bookshelves while my 3 yr old is demanding my utmost attention. :shock: It's really hard to tend to all the chores (esp. laundry) when tending to 3 little ones. I remind myself that I can do it and not to lose my mind! :roll: "where there's a will, there's a way!"