How I ended up on the road of Single Mom by Choice!

Radarsmom

Justme

madmud

brandy

Aimeemomof3

My2Rs

marybuttorff

I always thought I would marry and have children. When I reached my mid-30s and was still not married, I began to consider my options for having children. I very much wanted to have a child. I considered adoption, but I was healthy and wanted the whole experience of pregnancy, delivery, and so on. After going through a battery of tests and questionnaires that the doctor required in order to demonstrate that I was "fit" to be a mother, I had donor insemination and got pregnant almost immediately. That was 14 years ago. Being a mother has been the most awesome experience of my life. I have been enjoying every moment with my soon-to-be-14-year-old son. I have never had any regrets. Although I always thought I would have more than one child, I did not do so. In part, this was because I enjoyed the one-on-one interaction and bond that we shared, but also, as my son became somewhat older and I raised the possibility of siblings, he was dead set against it! So we have cats, dogs, lots of kids from the neighborhood at our house almost every day. As for the lack of a father, my son has never really expressed any issues/concerns about this. I told him that our family consisted of a mom and son (and grandma, aunt/uncle, cousins, etc.) but that there was no known father. Instead, someone incredibly generous had supplied the sperm needed to fertilize my egg to the doctor and this is how I was able to get pregnant. I've told him many times that I really wanted him and worked to make it happen. He has never been bothered by Father's Days or other similar ocassions. It has been a great experience. He's a fantastic kid and I can't wait to see what the next 14 years bring. The only thing I'm curious about is not really the man who donated the sperm, but whether any other children were born from the same donor. I would love to exchange stories about children with parents of half-siblings or see what these half-siblings looke like.

Radarsmom

Wow ladies! I never imagined so many similar and yet unique stories would show up on this board! Your stories are wonderful and each one gave me a warm sense of belonging. I can't wait to keep reading. Mary, your account of raising a 14-year-old boy as a single mother is particularly good to hear. My son turns 2 in December and I have no plans to have any more, so it will just be me and him (unless the perfect man intrudes!)... I love being his mom and I love our one-on-one connection. I can't wait to read more stories. When I make it up to Virginia for more than a day, I will definitely let you know Aimee and I would love to meet you and your kiddos!

maria2

All you ladies have inspired me. I'm 40 years old and decided that I"m finally taking that plunge to do this alone, after many failed relationships, I've decided that I can always find the love of my life later but I can't have a child later....I've been feeling depressed lately...and wondering if I'm "grieving" about not having a partner to go through all of this with me. I'm in the beginning stages and hopefully will be inseminated next month (if I ovulate)....I'm hopeful. I'm going through a lot of emotions, excitement, sad, scared, etc. But reading all your stories have helped me! Thank you!!! I'll hopefully be posting soon that I"m pregnant!!!

allineedisonegoodegg

maria2

bridwelc

Wow! Its wonderful to read all of the stories by other brave women and know that I'm not in this alone. I have been a career woman - classic overachiever in the engineering profession. Like the military - surrounded by lots of men but most are either married or there is a good reason they aren't. I joked about it for years in my 30s, that if I didn't find Mr. Right by the time I was 38, I'd have a kid on my own. But I never really thought I would have to. Then at 37, when I brought it up with my ob-gyn, I was shocked to learn how quickly our fertility drops after 35. Its a scary decision to make and I still remember the total disbelief the morning I sat in my bedroom looking at the positive pregnancy stick. My daughter is 5 1/2 and I love it! Aimee and MyR2 - how in the world did you find the energy to have a second one? I am in awe of you ladies! I really wanted another one but was just exhausted keeping up with the first. Now it wouldn't be so bad, and she has begged me for a sister, but at 44 I just don't think I can. I have a great support network and I'm finally learning to let people help (besides my parents and sisters). Trying to find the right balance when you are on 24/7 has been the toughest thing so far, but I love it! I would love to meet some other Moms and families - we are in Lexington, Kentucky - not too far from VA.

itstime

How heart warming to read all of your stories. Thank you for sharing. Isn't it amazing how fast time goes by without kids! I've heard it goes even faster with kids. I was married for 10 years to my highschool sweetheart. We both love kids but our marriage had problems from the start and we never even tried. I still can't understand how that happened. Divorced at 37 and childless still thinking I had plenty of time. Two years ago I asked my ex (who is single and childless) if he'd have a child with me. After all we've shared custody of our dog since our divorce and it's worked well, we're still sharing her. I understand a child is the ultimate connection but was ok with a forever connection if he was. After many discussions he said yes so I started the fertility process as he was going to donate not go the traditional route. Had bloodwork and surgery to remove fibroids - all went well and then he changed his mind. Couldn't fathom how we'd share a baby and wanted more. After many more discussions for almost a year afterwards I finally realized it wasn't going to happen with him. I got stuck, had a few relationships here and there and am still in one with a guy who has two grown children. He is willing to have another child with me if we live together/get married. Believe it or not - I'm not interested. He can't understand it, if I really want a child and he's willing, why won't I make this type of commitment to him. I've asked myself this question over and over. The answer is simply I don't want to commit to him in that way nor am I sure I want him in my life for the rest of my life. How ironic - I have a willing and able man willing to have a child and I don't want him. A few months ago I went back to my fertility doc and started the process again. At this point more bloodwork and an endometrial biopsy is all I have left other than selecting donor. All my tests are good and given my last procedure is good I'll be ready to try my first IUI. One small issue....I am having a really hard time selecting a donor. I am a procrastinator by nature, obviously right. I feel better after reading your stories and will re-read in an effort to help push me in making a decision because time is not on my side. I feel stuck in being able to narrow down my choices and making my decision to purchase. Were any of you in this place and if so do you have advice on how to overcome it? Any insight is appreciated. Thank you - K

latebloomer

Hi Ladies, wonderful stories and I'm glad I'm not going this journey alone. I like to think of myself as a late bloomer (last one of my friends to lose their virginity, took forever to finish college but finally got my Master's degree and the money to go with it and didn't marry until I was 35) however the marriage was doomed from the beginning but I was trying to make it work until I was tired and at 38 I found myself divorced (actually got the papers a week before my 39th birthday but I have to say it's been one of the best birthday presents ever! Yes I am happily divorced:) Now I was ready to get on with my life but before the papers were actually filed I had met with a fertility specialist and had a battery of tests that I passed with flying colors and then all of a sudden this dream of mommy-hood was a reality so then I had to decide if I was going to go through with it or not. I thought about what people would think, but only for a moment because I have always been a person who could care less what people had to say about me, in fact I try to give them something to talk about! I decided there's only one judge and I'll meet him on judgement day and if people don't like the way I went about choosing to start my family, that's their problem, not mine! I'm all decided, got my donor picked and paperwork signed! I will be having my first IUI attempt in a couple of weeks and couldn't be happier. I actually talked to one of my high school buddies and she's thinking about the same thing so I've given her all the resources I used and even told her she could accompany me to the appointment if she wanted to, but she lives in FL & I'm in NV so I'm not sure if she will be coming. I've run across positive people and negative people with this experience and have decided that the negative people can stay away from us but the positives are welcome to join us. I hope to be posting soon that I'm pregnant! The funny thing is I've been on my job for almost 8 years and ask every year if I can get 3 months off and they tell me the same thing every time "you have to have a baby or a reason to have that much time off other than because I want it off" so I'm sure they will find it funny when I tell them I am pregnant. My mom is very excited as this will be the first grand child and has already seen visions of a grand daughter so I'm praying and will see how it turns out! Thanks for sharing your stories!

Aimeemomof3

diesel_chik27

5animalsandakid

katwalk04

kat0612

bud2eagle

wantingtobemommytobe

Radarsmom

Mealone

SaraKPSU

It's so inspiring to read these stories. I am soon to be 39 years old (only 20 more days!) and my biological clock has been ticking for the past 5 years. I've always dreamed of the marriage and kids, you know, "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage..." I've met men and been in relationships that haven't worked out, mostly because I have not been willing to settle just for the sake of getting married. I'm to the point now where I think "I can get married at any age, but that's not the case with conceiving", so now I'm exploring the single mom route, because I honestly don't think my life would ever be complete if I never had a child. My biggest fear is that I'm being selfish, willingly and knowingly bringing a baby into the world without a father figure. I'm so very fortunate to have a loving family with a Mom and siblings who are 100% supportive, as well as dear friends who encourage me to move forward with this decision, and they reassure me that there will be so much love for this baby that he/she will grow up knowing he/she was conceived out of love, regardless of the kind of love. I also worry about the expenses, because being a single mom, we're not afforded the luxury of having the choice to be a stay-at-home mom, I'm going to have to continue to work and have to pay for daycare. But again, my support system says "it will all work out, you do what you have to do". So with that being said, I'm taking the rest of 2011 to continue my research, get my body "baby ready", and start saving up for my "swimmers" and my treatments! I am glad to know I have this forum to share my thoughts, worries and excitement! I wish you all the best of luck if you're starting your journey, and to the rest of you who have been already successful with your journey, I wish you continued happiness with your bundles of joy!