More than just the daddy question

trey7035

Aimeemomof3

heidibee

septembercookie

Radarsmom

bridwelc

I was interested in reading the posts, as it starts earlier than you think. My daughter was 12 months old the first time she cried for Daddy, copying a daycare buddy. I was floored, and didn't respond well, which fed some of the anxiety. So I started telling her the story about the day she was born. She still doesn't get the concept at 5 1/2, and either tells people she doesn't have a Daddy, or he's dead. This year on father's day I asked her if she wanted to give something to her grandfather (who is a huge part of her life), and she replied, "Why? He's not my father?". But she seems to be pretty adjusted to it, and only struggles a bit when they do family trees. She wants to know why I haven't gotten married and found her a father. I think one of the websites was correct - I probably struggle with it more than she will as my father has been such a big part of my life, and hers. But we spend lots of time with friends and usually the dads will jump in with her as well. I've talked to donor moms with teenage sons - I'd love to talk to some with a teenage daughter to see if there are pitfalls to avoid. But I figure its not any tougher than explaining why Dad moved out to a child of a divorced couple. Anybody aware of any good information out there on the subject?

kadeebee

I think that although you may see and read the stories of people who are upset about being sperm donor kids, it may be partly because the kids in that situation who HAVE dealt successfully with the problem just don't feel the strong need to talk about it online, on TV, in a magazine article, etc. Perhaps you can learn from their negative situations, however, and understand what went wrong in order to try to avoid that happening with your own child. When I was contemplating this decision for myself, I realized that almost every one of my friends without exception had undergone some real trauma in their family sometime in their childhood that continued to affect them in some way even as adults. And yet, they had all adjusted to be pretty healthy emotionally because they had love in their lives. That's the most important foundation you can give your child.

Dawny89

My son is 3 years old and has papa, Uncles, and my boyfriend. His friends have dads, but when he looks confused over the issue, I remind him that even though he does not have a dad that he is my special boy. I've told my son since day one how he was conceived. I tell him the story at least once a week and remind him that even though he doesn't have a dad -- I list all family and extended family that does love us.