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At the beginning

fubbles03fubbles03 Junior Member
When I was in my 20's I'd joke about using sperm donation to start a family. Now, I'm almost 40 (yikes), and the joke has turned into a realistic proposition. I've always wanted children, but haven't met anyone with whom I wanted to have one. So, here I am, seriously considering artifical insemination. One day I'm absolutely certain this is what I want to do. The next day I have a billion questions and concerns; everything from where would I put the crib? to can I really be a single mom? Is this normal, or am I nuts? I've rad a lot about the process, but it's still daunting. What's it like?

Please help.

Comments

  • mary313mary313 Member Member
    Hi -
    I've only been a single mom for 7 1/2 months, but I can tell you I don't regret it for one second. It's hard. It is definitely hard, but when he looks at me and smiles and reaches his arms out and snuggles with me? So worth every bit of it. I have a lot of support from family and friends, and I've found a great babysitter (this is a must!). I waited until I was 42 to do this - and I can tell you, the fertility doctors will scare you to death about how old you are. From their perspective, they deal with infertility, and see many "older" moms who cannot conceive. However, I am fertile, so got pregnant immediately. But you have to prepare yourself both for the possibility that you will succeed and be a single mom... and for the possibility that you will not be able to conceive. Or, if you do, that you will lose the baby. I lost mine the first time... it just didn't grow past 7 weeks. However, got pregnant again the next time I tried IUI, and this time, the baby grew and he's now the joy of my life. But the miscarriage after waiting so long to try and then conceiving and feeling so lucky? That was hard. But I knew I was willing to have several miscarriages in order to try to have a child.

    I know there will be hard times as a single mom - but my son is worth it. And he was so wanted and is so loved, I hope that as we tackle the 'why don't I have a daddy' issue, he will handle it with relative ease because he was so wanted and is so loved. That remains to be seen of course...

    But, I don't regret doing this for one minute.
  • LenoreLenore Junior Member
    I agree with everything Mary313 said! My son is 1 this month and I don't regret it, not even for a second! Now I will say that before I had made the decision to do it I had many of the same feelings that you are having now. One day I was sure it was the right thing to do, the next day I'm scared to death with a billion questions or what if's! I even had those negative feelings just after I got pregnant! But it only lasted a few days before I knew it was the right decision. I too was waiting for prince charming, and he is hopefully he's still out there somewhere, but I'm not getting any younger and didn't want to start my family any older than I am now (I'm 36), so I went for it. Now, I will agree with Mary313 in that it's hard, I will not deny that, financially especially, but in the end - is SO worth it. I tried artificial insemination 6 times (miscarried once but had 5 failed attempts), so I ended up going the IVF route and got pregnant the first time. The only thing I will say about IVF when you're single, is I absolutely only allowed them to implant one embryo, not two or three, because I did not have a fertility problem, I just didn't have prince charming. I didn't want to risk having multiples when doing it on my own. If the first attempt at IVF with one embryo failed, I may have considered two but never more than that. Thankfully I didn't make that decision. I will say again, this is the best decision I have ever made!!! Good luck!!!!!
  • RadarsmomRadarsmom Junior Member
    I could write a whole bunch of words agreeing with so much of what Mary and Lenore said...

    Or I could show you this...

    partyface.jpg

    ...and then say that it doesn't matter where you put the crib (my son turns 2 next week and still sleeps in bed with me) and that you can absolutely be a single mom!!! Nothing in my 42+ years of life holds a candle to being his mom. Nothing comes anywhere close.

    Good luck & let us know what you decide.
  • tera66tera66 Junior Member
    Hi everyone,

    Wow, great stories from all of you...so wonderful to hear from other women on the same journey as myself and my son. I too agree with all of you, single motherhood is super hard - as I like to say "tears and cheers" and so utterly worth every minute. My son is 22 months, I had him when I was 42 years old and he is the love of my life. Don't worry about the crib, and all the other stuff...it all works out, it is amazing how much people pitch in. I also tried 7 times with 1 miscarriage after 7 weeks, it was devistating but I had good friends to keep me going. I only told two of my good friends I was trying, I didn't want people asking me every month if it 'worked'. Then when I was 4 months pregnant I let everyone know and I was lucky that I had good support. The journey when you first get started can be long and sad if you miscarry - keep going, I didn't want to have regrets when I was in my 50's simply because the trying got hard.

    When your beautiful baby opens his arms up and yells mama and smiles....money, exhaustion, time [free time to pee!] - nothing matters to that awesome moment and then you know, you were meant to be together. Good luck.
  • KeriKeri Junior Member
    Hi Everyone,

    Today I got my AF and have been crying all day. Your responses reminded me what this is all about and why I am so upset -- because I want this soooo much. Seeing your words (and picture) is giving me the courage to do round 3!
    Thanks,
    ~Keri
  • moewhitmoewhit Senior Member
    Keep your head up Keri and don't be discouraged. Your will muster up the strength and courage to press on! You sound so determined! Don't lose hope. Good luck next cycle. Lots of baby dust:)
  • KeriKeri Junior Member
    Thanks MoeWhit!

    I ordered today. It's nice to know I am not alone :)

    ~Keri
  • janejane Junior Member
    i do so want to thank you for sharing your stories. You've made me feel so much at peace with this decision. Its the ultimate internal battle and tera66 and radarsmom you've settle this mental and emotional turmoil in the most dignified manner. I thank you for your words of strength.
  • Anne72Anne72 Senior Member Senior Member
    I'm just starting the journey. I'm ordering the sperm tomorrow! I'm approaching 40 and have been thinking about this for 5 years. I finally made the jump. I've been crying from hope, excitement, fear that it won't work, etc. for days. I've told my immediate family about my plans and they are all excited. I'm not telling anyone else unless it works. I just can't handle the "did it work?" questions. My family is under strict orders to not discuss it unless I bring up the topic first.

    Wish me luck as I wish all of you luck!
  • robinrobin Senior Member Senior Member
    anne72.....Good luck. I too have just started the journey and it is all going so fast like it was meant to happen. I too just ordered the sperm. It arrived at the docs office yesterday. when I got the call to say it arrived I was so excited. I started clomid yesterday and am due to have an ultrasound on the 13th to see the results of the clomid. I will hopefully be doing the iui sometime the week of the 14th, may the luck of the irish be with me and lots of baby dust. Lots of baby dust to all of you!
  • maria2maria2 Senior Member Senior Member
    I just had my first IUI on February 23, 2011...2 wws over tomorrow....got anxious and took a test on Monday (which was only 12 days post IUI)...and it was negative. But now I'm scared to take it tomorrow...but feel encouraged to read everyone's posts...if it's negative, I'll just try next month...again on Clomid (50 mg) - seemed to have worked for me...
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