Anonymous VS. Open

cherrysour16

Greetings! I am new to this forum and would like to get the opinions of other single mothers on this subject. I have been thinking about a sperm donor for about 3 years now and have finally made the leap and will start trying next month. Of course, the decision was 3 years in the making and now it's here I'm excited, nervous and scared. But also hopeful. The only setback I'm having in my mind is choosing an anonymous/open donor. There's so many "what if's" and questions about both. Please share with me. I am between 2 donors, one of each. In the end, I know I will do my best to raise my child to understand what I had to do in order to create their life and be the best mommy I can to them. I really appreciate this forum and am looking forward to sharing more about my journey and seeing others journeys as well. Thanks! -C

KristyMom2Chloe

I had my daughter using an anonymous donor. My reason for this was that I didn't want any strings attached, didn't need custody or support dramas, and just made the choice to be a single mom.

All my best to you as you decide which route is the best fit for you.

tryinalone

I too have been struggling with the same decision.
I have decided thet the ID option at least gives my future child the option when she is older.
An option well worth the money in long the long run if he/she has questions and wants answers.
Can't wait to hear more about your journey!

Shari

I am a single mother of 7 year old twins. I wasn't given the chance of choosing an open donor back then. I actually just found out that I can find out about siblings from the same donor and am looking forward to that. I am sure that which ever way you choose, will work out for you and your future child/children. The best of luck to you on your amazing journey!

latebloomer

I too chose the ID option donor and am in my 2WW period right now. I find out on Monday. The only thing that I wasn't so sure about was is that I've seen lots of posts where people have used the same donors and they talk and have let the children meet, etc. I'm not sure I'm down with that yet so I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. I think you have to decide on so many other factors going thru this process I didn't let this one be the final decision maker for me. It just so happened when I narrowed it down he was an ID donor. The other thing to keep in mind is that by the time your child is older technology is so advanced that all of our business will be online anyway:) So maybe they will still be able to find out. Best of luck to you on your decision and good luck on your journey:)

Radarsmom

Hi - It's a very personal decision and I'm sure you'll make the choice that is best for you. Legally speaking, donors have been around long enough to set plenty of precedent and it is clear legally that donor dad's don't have parental rights or obligations, so you needn't worry about that coming back to bite you.

I made my decision to use open ID because I want to leave every option open for my son. He is now 26 months old and I feel even more strongly about it now. And we recently had a very exciting thing happen... we have connected with a donor sibling - a sister who is just 3 weeks older than my son and looks so much like him that you'd think they were twins!! It gives me great comfort to know that as he grows and has questions about his biological father and whether or when or how to find him later in life - he'll have a sister who is exactly in the same place and they can feel less alone in those questions!

So - that was a bit of a side note. I would say to go with what your gut is telling you!

Good luck and keep us posted!

maria2

I actually did not let that be a factor in picking my donor. I wanted to pick the best donor possible. Also, after reading several posts for a while...I've realized that there are a lot of people using the same donor (not just from this site but other sites)....so I hopefully have the option of meeting donor sibs like "radarsmom" has ...I actually think that option is wonderful! Good luck!

redolfin26

when my partner and i were beginnng this process a little over 3 years ago (have 2 year old daughter) we knew from the beginning that the ONLY CHOICE FOR US was an open/ID donor...here is why...there a a million adopted children in this world, some who have no interest in seeking information or contact with theor bio parents/family members but there are more who do...some even feel alone in this world, isolated and feel that they are missing some big part or their self not having this information/contact ect...we decided that the extra cost for an ID donor was the cost of a few nice dinners and that we did not have the right to take that info away from our future child...she can contact fairfax when she is 18 if she wants, the info will be there...we are in total support of this and i would even love to meet the donor one day and thank him for his gift, my baby...but even if i was not so into that, its not my life and not my right to make such a decision, one that once done, cant be undone...i say go with the open/ID donor...its not like her can contact you...there is no risk to you, only benefit to your child...and let me say, since i had only planned on having one child , and having connected recently with a half sibling (radarsmom) and his mom, i feel like my daughter has a brother for life...a confident, a friend, her blood and i feel more secure in my decision not to have any more children for many reasons because of this amazing connection we have made...it is a beautiful gift and i am glad that we found one another while the kids are so young so that they will grow up knowing one another is out there and feel safe in that...good luck with your decision...do keep us posted...
peace,
jenny

hopeful

Best of luck to you on your fantastic journey! I am about to do my first insemination with an ID Options donor in a couple of days. I have never used "donor sperm" before but I feel that I have I am a single mom of a beautiful 5 year old daughter whose father is in no way involved in her life. He is on her birth certificate and she knows as much about him as she asks to know but she has never actually met him and probably never will. This was not my plan when I conceived but it is the way that it has turned out. I remain in close contact with him and his family so that I will always know his whereabouts for when she comes of age and would maybe like to meet him. He has agreed to that. For all intents and purposes he was an "ID Options Donor" (alhough I didn't know it at the time...lol). My daughter is raised with ALOT of love and has many extended family/family friends who let her know how much she is wanted. Of course, she has asked in the past "Why don't I have a daddy and you do and all of my friends do". I addressed that important question and, at the moment, she understands without feeling that she was abandoned. She does, however, like to ask questions about her father and his family such as basic things like what does he look like and what does he do for a living, etc. I can only imagine that she will grow into the type of young adult who will want to at least meet him one time and I do not want to deny her that option if that is what she choses. I, therefore, decided that I would like to offer my next (potential) child the same option even though this child will not have a "father" but rather a donor and that is a big difference. That is MY decision though, each family is different, each child is different and every child is raised differently. So whatever works best for you is fantastic.....its all about LOVE