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The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Sad Sad Story
Sue & Jodi
Member Member
Let me introduce my partner and I. My partner's name is Sue and I'm Jodi. Sue is the one who will be carrying. We have been together for almost ten years and for the past 3 we have wanted children. However, we live in Wisconsin and wanted to make sure we had the finances and the legal documentation in place. We were finally ready to start trying and by that I mean, I thought we would get pregnant right away. Didn't quite work that way. We wanted to do it in our own home so it would be intimate. Our process started in January of 2010. We rode the roller coaster each month of inseminating, waiting, negative, waiting, repeat. It was tough and trying times. We tried ten times at home.
Finally we decided to find a clinic (Wisconsin Fertility Institute), which by the way was awesome. I can't say enough nice things about them. Anyways, we started going to the clinic in December of 2010 and again we thought they would get us pregnant right away. We tried two cycles with them and then we started questioning if something was wrong. Sue had some blood tests and a HSG test to make sure her tubes weren't blocked and what-not. Everything was clear. They told us our chances would be much higher now that we had the HSG as it cleans everything out or something.
Five days later was our third insemination with the clinic. Two weeks later we got a positive pregnancy test. I can't tell you how ecstatic we were. Our dreams were coming true. We wanted to shout it from the rough tops and we practically did. We started buying baby stuff, searching baby stuff online, watching the progression of how the baby was growing. We got pregnant on February 20th of this year. Thats all that was on our minds was baby, baby, baby, baby. We were having a baby!
Almost everyone was excited for us, except Sue's family. They don't accept our releationship and they don't think we deserve to have children. It wasn't going to stop us, but at the same time it really hurts. She told them we were pregnant and there response was "OH". No congratulations, no I'm happy for you, nothing.
About seven weeks into the pregnancy, Sue had some real light brown spotting. We called the doc immediately and she said it was probably nothing if it wasn't accompanied with cramping or bright red blood. She said 25% of woman spot during the first tri-mester. This was on a Thursday and we had our first pre-natal the following Monday. She said call if anything changes. That didn't sit right with us, so we called the fertility clinic that did our inseminations and they said come on down and we will do an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. We went down there and seen our baby for the first time. We heard its little heart beating and it was the most amazing, special, and precious thing we've ever seen in our lives. We were so happy. The heartbeat was a little bit low as it was only 107, but the doc said they just want it to be over 100 and it was ok for only being 7 weeks pregnant. We were over the moon with happiness.
Then came Monday, four days later. We went in for our first pre-natal. Went through all the technicallities and the doc says ok, now its time for the fun part. Lets take a look at your little one. She preceeded with the ultrasound. She was looking and searching and there was no bright flashing spot were the heart should have been beating. There was no heartbeat. She sent us to the hospital to double check and sure enough our baby's heart was broken and so is ours. We lost our baby. This has been the most devastating loss we have ever experienced. We know we weren't that far along, but that was our baby who we loved whole heartedly.
Now we have to face everyone we told and especially Sue's family who probably think we deserve this. I know we don't know any of you on here, but I needed to share our story with people who may understand what its like to want a child so bad and the emotional roller-coaster we live on to get one. Also, does it get easier? We are so heart-broken and empty right now. Thanks for reading our story.
Jodi & Sue
Finally we decided to find a clinic (Wisconsin Fertility Institute), which by the way was awesome. I can't say enough nice things about them. Anyways, we started going to the clinic in December of 2010 and again we thought they would get us pregnant right away. We tried two cycles with them and then we started questioning if something was wrong. Sue had some blood tests and a HSG test to make sure her tubes weren't blocked and what-not. Everything was clear. They told us our chances would be much higher now that we had the HSG as it cleans everything out or something.
Five days later was our third insemination with the clinic. Two weeks later we got a positive pregnancy test. I can't tell you how ecstatic we were. Our dreams were coming true. We wanted to shout it from the rough tops and we practically did. We started buying baby stuff, searching baby stuff online, watching the progression of how the baby was growing. We got pregnant on February 20th of this year. Thats all that was on our minds was baby, baby, baby, baby. We were having a baby!
Almost everyone was excited for us, except Sue's family. They don't accept our releationship and they don't think we deserve to have children. It wasn't going to stop us, but at the same time it really hurts. She told them we were pregnant and there response was "OH". No congratulations, no I'm happy for you, nothing.
About seven weeks into the pregnancy, Sue had some real light brown spotting. We called the doc immediately and she said it was probably nothing if it wasn't accompanied with cramping or bright red blood. She said 25% of woman spot during the first tri-mester. This was on a Thursday and we had our first pre-natal the following Monday. She said call if anything changes. That didn't sit right with us, so we called the fertility clinic that did our inseminations and they said come on down and we will do an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. We went down there and seen our baby for the first time. We heard its little heart beating and it was the most amazing, special, and precious thing we've ever seen in our lives. We were so happy. The heartbeat was a little bit low as it was only 107, but the doc said they just want it to be over 100 and it was ok for only being 7 weeks pregnant. We were over the moon with happiness.
Then came Monday, four days later. We went in for our first pre-natal. Went through all the technicallities and the doc says ok, now its time for the fun part. Lets take a look at your little one. She preceeded with the ultrasound. She was looking and searching and there was no bright flashing spot were the heart should have been beating. There was no heartbeat. She sent us to the hospital to double check and sure enough our baby's heart was broken and so is ours. We lost our baby. This has been the most devastating loss we have ever experienced. We know we weren't that far along, but that was our baby who we loved whole heartedly.
Now we have to face everyone we told and especially Sue's family who probably think we deserve this. I know we don't know any of you on here, but I needed to share our story with people who may understand what its like to want a child so bad and the emotional roller-coaster we live on to get one. Also, does it get easier? We are so heart-broken and empty right now. Thanks for reading our story.
Jodi & Sue
Comments
What a sad turn of events. But remember, you're not out of the game. The key is to take this set back, allow it to bring the two of you closer, continue to have faith, and press on.
Sometimes family is chosen not given by birth. Take the family (friends included) you know love and support you and lean on them. To heck with everyone else and their opinions. I KNOW God cries with you, and he sees every tear. Shame on them for thinking themselves a better judge than the big guy.
I'll note that, when I was married (heterosexual) my family chastised us for not having children because _that_ is what you get married for. Here we had thought it was a way to celebrate love. Today I am a single woman trying to have a child. I can only imagine what those family members will have to say. I can't imagine the additional challenges you may face in your relationship thanks to society, know that you aren't alone in receiving unwarranted judgment and opinions.
-J
Jodi & Sue
I am Leanne and my wife is Bridgette. We've been together for four years, married for a 1 and 1/2. We're just starting out with fertility this summer, going to start our first cycle in May or June. I read your story, and although it's devestating, we're 'with you,' even though it's online only. Your baby is missed, and although you're both grieving now, you can keep trying. There was a great chapter in What to Expect Before You're Expecting about miscarriages and the fact that you can still grieve, whether you choose to wait a while before trying again or go right for the next cycle. It doesn't mean that you're disrespecting the grieving process at all either way, which I think is beautiful. Did you do anything special to mark the day or do anything in the baby's memory? That may help you too.
My Aunt lost her son to cancer when he was an adult, but still in the prime of his life, and as a parent who lost a child, she has told me that people told her that it would get easier with time. She told me that it never gets easier, it just gets different. I hope for you both that it gets 'different' in the best sense of that word, that you can get through it, still love the child you lost, and still try if that's what you choose to do. Good luck, and we're with you,
you're gblt 'Family.'
-Leanne and Bridgette
PS - I have weirdos in my family too who aren't supportive - it's impossible to change them, so just do what's healthiest for you - if that's keeping a good distance away from them, that's what you do! (That's what we do!)
Thank you so much for your caring and kind words. It's so nice to know that there are people out there that care. It's funny how we will probably never meet but feel like family (LGBT). We wish you the best of luck in your journey to making a family. It can be tough, but sometimes people get really lucky and it works right away. We wish that for you.
As far as grieving, yeah thats a whole other issue. It's been really hard and I'm (Jodi) struggling more than my partner (Sue) who was carrying the baby. I went and got a tattoo in rememberance of our baby. The tattoo is of 2 baby hands (one blue, one pink) in a storm cloud. There is a sun in the middle of the hands with rays of lights shining through the clouds. The clouds are dropping rain as we named our baby Rayne. I will say that everything happens for a reason and we know that. We didn't want a sick baby and that may have been the case. However, since this has happened our lives have changed dramatically. It encouraged me to find a new job, which I just got today making a substantial amount more money. I wasn't going to change careers with a baby on the way especially being gay and having to explain to a new employer if you know what I mean. I hated my job, so I credit our baby with this wonderful and very much needed transformation.
The other thing it has done is given us the courage to confront my partner's family and lay things down on the line. When our little one does come, as we are going to start trying right away again, all that strife will be out of the way. Again, I can't tell you how much it means that you took the time to write and tell us you care, it felt like a big hug. We send our best wishes to you in your baby making journey.
Sincerely,
Jodi & Sue
It is true, everything happens for a reason. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage you and your life together. It makes all the difference in the world. Our prayers are with you! This to shall pass and trying again is the best thing that you can do. Trust me we have been there too!
Kate & Audra
Thanks for sharing your story with us and we are truly happy for you that you got your little girl. I don't know if we could handle a number of miscarriages, so hopefully that doesn't happen. We are pretty shaken from this one and one more I think would kill us. When our baby's heart broke and stopped beating, I swear so did ours. I'm sure you know what I'm saying.
We have been trying to surround ourselves with positive people, but that in itself has been difficult as we have one side of the family very unaccepting. I think the hardest thing is we have holidays coming up (Mother's Day), which in itself is going to be extremely painful and we will have to subject ourselves to them. Then there is a sister's wedding in the family in the next month. We want to start trying again as soon as possible and dealing with those stresses aren't going to help our chances - thats for sure. The family dynamic is very painful.
Anyways, thanks for the well wishes and again sharing. I hope that we become as lucky as you two did and get the family we have been dreaming of for years.
Sincerely,
Jodi & Sue
I am so sorry to read about your loss. It is truly a sad sad story but stay encouraged. You may not believe this but my name is Jodi. Susan my partner of 10 years as of May 21, 2011 will be carrying our baby. We live in the DC area, and have just started this process. Our first attempt will be at the end of this month. I hope to stay in touch with you guys... *baby dust wishes to you* from someone who has more than a little bit in common with you. Love, SuJo
Your story is almost unbelieavable and really cool. It's crazy the similarities. We would love to stay in touch with you. What would be even more amazing is if we could both get pregnant around the same time and give our stories more similarities. We have began the process again and are now playing the waiting game. It sounds as if you may have began your first attempt or will be soon. We wish you the best of luck and hopefully you will have all the luck and get pregnant on the first try. Keep in touch and let us know how things work out for you. We look forward to hearing from you and we send baby dust right back at ya. Take care.
Jodi & Sue
Congrats on beginning the process again...this is such an exciting time! On cd4 for Susan (6/20), we went in for baseline testing and bloodwork. The Dr. saw 1 maturing folicle (14mm). After confirmation (2nd round of tests the next day) we found that the folicle was growing(15mm). So she got home from work (6/22) at 9:30pm and I gave her the trigger shot at 10pm. We are scheduled for IUI on Friday (6/24) at 11:30am. We are so blessed, our fertility Dr. is one of the top fertility specialist and she works out of Georgetown. She was one of 2 specialist in our area fully covered by Susan's insurance! She is being very aggressive in her approach and has run every test possible on us before starting because time is a very important issue for us due to our (especially Susan's) ages. She is 46 and I am 40. All of Susan's test results were outstanding (that of a woman 10 years her junior). The results show that she is very capable of carrying a baby with minimum complications so we are going forth with all of the blessings of our Dr. using her own eggs and a 1 - 2% chance of success
Your family has been through something so traumatic. I am new to this board but from what I can see, this is a place where friends and support are. Be there for each other and know the baby knew he/she was loved. My partner and I are sending you and Sue many thoughts and prayers.
Stay strong.
-Renee
I see you have experienced a very similar roller coaster ride to us. I hope as I'm writing to you that you are off the roller coaster and on to growing a beautiful little bean. We know how hard it is to stay positive, but trust me it is so important. Our son turned 11 months yesterday and we also found out that we are pregnant with our second baby. Once the pressure and stress was removed it just happened. On our first try this time around we got pregnant. We are so excited. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I hope you are seeing yours.
Sincerely,
Jodi & Sue
Thanks so much for your kind words of encouragement! Congrats on your new pregnancy and your son. I'm sure you are having the most Happy Mother's Day! My 2nd IUI wasn't successful. I was ready to be put back on birth control and was prepared for it this time so I was more relaxed. When I went in for my baseline u/s I was SHOCKED to find out I did not have cysts this time around. Even my re's office was surprised. I got to go ahead with IUI #3 right away. This was the first time I didn't have to wait for a couple months in between. I think because of that I was much more relaxed and not as anxious. I think that could have helped with that cycle. I got a positive on IUI 3. I had an u/s at 5 1/2 weeks and the sac was there. I go in tomorrow for an u/s at 7 weeks and should get to see the heartbeat. I'm very excited but somewhat nervous since I haven't seen a heartbeat with my last 2 miscarriages. But also I will feel so much better once I see it.
Again, thanks so much for your kind words. Have a very Happy Mother's Day and congrats on your great news.
Becky
Jodi & Sue