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Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.

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Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!

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Name (under which the vial was purchased)
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Donor number
Child Date of Birth

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decisions decisions....

My partner have been together 2 years as of Sunday. We are engaged to marry and are excited to start a family soon after. We have been discussing starting a family and we are at a crossroad right now as far as the best choice and decisions that should be made. I do not know my father. My mother got pregnant and did not contact him and tell him that she was pregnant with me so he doesn't know about me and my mother will not give me any information about him. Because of this situation I want to be 100% honest and forthcoming with our children. I would prefer to use someone that we know so that if the child should choose to want to know information about the donor he/she can. I want my children to have answers if they ask questions. I want to know who the donor is so that I can give the child pictures or any information that they would want. My partner would prefer it to be an anonymous donor. She feels that us as our child's parents are enough and that it would be better if we use someone that we do not know, she feels as if she would be replaced as a parent. She also brought up the point that the donor may decide later that he would want a more active role in the child's life which would be confusing to the child. I was wondering if any of you have faced this same issue. Maybe you could offer some advice on the big decisions that are facing my partner and I and our new family. Thanks in advance for your help!

Comments

  • bluesky10bluesky10 Senior Member Senior Member
  • heidibeeheidibee Member Member
    At first I wanted a known donor also but we ended up with donor sperm to have our son. I also wanted our child to be able to ask questions and get answers. But we could not get anyone to give up the goods. :D I have a blog friend who used a friend and she struggles everytime he is around which is only every three months. On the last visit he refered to himself as Daddy and she about came unglued. Each option has its pros and cons. Hopefully you can come together to make the right decision for your family.
  • hrockhhrockh Junior Member Junior Member
    My partner and I agreed that we would use an anonymous donor for legal reasons. While it would be great for our son (now 2 1/2) to have an active father, I don't want anyone to rights to my child or to possibly take him away. My partner legally adopted him when he was 4 months old, so we are both now his mothers. It even says Parent 1 and Parent 2 on his birth certificate. I am mommy and she is mama. He is not confused about this at all. He doesn't call any men daddy, although I know he will want to know at some point. We have a picture of him in his scrapbook and all the information available about him. We will refer to him as his "father" not his "donor." We are greatful to his father for donating sperm, allowing us to have this amazing little boy. It is your decision, but be safe legally. A known donor has rights to the child like any father, unless he signs an agreement terminating parental rights. Good luck!
  • josephinejosephine Junior Member
    My wife and I have just started trying. We also had some disagreement about going with a known vs. unknown donor. Eventually we decided to go with an ID option from the bank. It seemed like a happy medium. We decided that we would be making decisions for our baby his or her whole life and this was one that he could make for his/herself at 18. For what it's worth.
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