How important are lifetime photos to you?

lauraleigh

The donor we are choosing has them. However, we don't know if we want to see them. We want to look at our children and only see us - not the donor. But, we are also wondering if we are being ridiculous. Thoughts?

Cmartin6706

We had originally thought that we would look at the lifetime photos as a way to compare what I looked like to that of our donor, but then decided that we didn't want to see any of the photos. We have only seen one baby photo bc I googled the donor number and it turns out that the donor we selected was in the Fairfax newsletter with his baby photo.

I agree, I didn't want to look at our baby and see the donor instead of me. We went with someone who highly resembled me through the face matching service, so I'm thinking and hoping that I will see me looking back instead of thinking of the donor. However, I do know all types of things about the donor that we decided on bc we purchased the complete listing for him. This means that when I see dimples on our kids, which neither my wife nor I have, I will remember the donor. I believe that I will be thankful to him during those moments, but after the first few times I believe that I will forget about the donor and instead think that my child has super cute dimples.

I can see your dilemma. We had the same one, but I'm very glad thus far that we decided not to see any photos. I also plan to not share the donor number bc I want to "feel" that there is no donor involved at least until I fall in love with my children. They will know about their donor and we will save all the information we have for them.

We are waiting for my wife to start her period. This month we go for our first IUI.

tillie

For me, I wish every donor had them and I'd like to see them each time they are available. My personal headspace is not one of concern over being reminded that there is a donor or that the kid is biologically from another human who is out there somewhere entirely unconnected. I think this is the reality and so I don't mind knowing it or thinking it or dealing with it. But I understand differing views and totally can see why someone wouldn't want to look. If I get pregnant, I'm going to try to take pride in the donor and think of him as someone who gave a gift. It may be a bit whacked, but I may take small things from the info given (like favorite song at the time or something mentioned in the essay) and utilize that in the baby's room or something, to honor the donor. Beyond that, I won't get too crazy about the donor. He's not some mythical father figure. It's just sperm. It's like donating an organ. Medical help.

I also want the photo for the kid - though that does not mean that the parent has to look - because I think adult photos are something that kids really end up wanting to see and have.

madlub143

I totally agree with Tillie. My partner and I will only use a donor that has lifetime photos available. We honestly want to know as much as possible about the donor, including what he looks like, his interests, hobbies, etc. We both want to have the least amount of "unknowns" as possible. We will save his photos in a file with all our donor's information so if our child ever asks, we can show him/her. Also, by purchasing adult photos, we were able to easily choose a donor that looks like he would fit in with my partner's family (since I will be carrying). Hope this helps!

babynumber2

I decided against looking at any photos, because I too don't want to be thinking that the baby looks just like the donor and not me or my son. I am not in anyway trying to seperate the fact that this will be a "donor" baby, but I am hoping to be able to point out characteristics that are just like us instead of just like someone the child will never know.

sibemom

With all of the other info you get...including the child photo and the adult profile I felt that I got enough info. I can look at the childhood photo of my selected donors and "see" my future child in there (hopefully) and not totally see him as the adult, just the portion that is my someday child.

Heaven knows I'm picky too, I'd be afraid I'd see something in the lifetime photos that would make me scratch them.

tinymouthwash

"It's just sperm. It's like donating an organ." As a medical professional, that really resonates with me! If my child needed a bone marrow transplant, I would be thankful to the donor, but I don't think I would care much more than that. Thanks, Tillie, that makes me feel so much better!!!

lauraleigh

*Phew*

Dodged a bullet - our donor isn't going to work out. The "new" donor doesn't have lifetime photos. Now the temptation is officially gone!

robin

So for the last donor there were no lifetime photos, so there was no option. I had to switch donors this time and he had the option for lifetime photos. I decided to purchase them and now honestly I wished I hadn't. Prior to looking at the photos I really felt a connection to this donor. I had his baby pic and it is cute. the picture of him as an adult I had in my head does not match the photo on my screen. So that had me second guessing my decision. Not that looks are everything. My sister had a good point, if I had never seen the pictures would I be second guessing myself? The answer to that is no, I wouldn't. So the pictures will be stored away for a later time maybe. I guess the issue is, the pics remind me of someone from my past that I would rather not remember. So for me the lifetime photos would have been better left unpurchased!

Robin

moewhit

robin wrote:

So for the last donor there were no lifetime photos, so there was no option. I had to switch donors this time and he had the option for lifetime photos. I decided to purchase them and now honestly I wished I hadn't. Prior to looking at the photos I really felt a connection to this donor. I had his baby pic and it is cute. the picture of him as an adult I had in my head does not match the photo on my screen. So that had me second guessing my decision. Not that looks are everything. My sister had a good point, if I had never seen the pictures would I be second guessing myself? The answer to that is no, I wouldn't. So the pictures will be stored away for a later time maybe. I guess the issue is, the pics remind me of someone from my past that I would rather not remember. So for me the lifetime photos would have been better left unpurchased!

Robin

Robin, I had a similar experience with my first donor. I loved his profile and he seemed like a perfect match he was even left-handed like me! Then right before my 1st IUI I ordered his lifetime photos. Very cute baby and then right around his early/late 20's YUCK! I know it's sounds shallow, so I tried to remind myself that genetics are very random and hopefully mine would be dominent.

It was an unsuccessful cycle, although he had confirmed pregnancies, his counts were not great. I moved to another donor who is new to the program and still has no confirmed pregnancies (it's been since Jan 2011) but he's a cutie as a baby and adult. Reminds me of Ricky Schroder but with dark hair. Anyway, I also will be starting injectables in about two weeks. Please keep me posted on how it's going for you. Lots of baby dust!

Moe!

activec

Hi Moe

Since you are no longer using 4187, I would be grateful if you would be willing to share his photos, etc. I am currently pregnant using 4187. My email address is claudiafeige@yahoo.de

Many thanks,
Claudia

Dani314

Do to the fact that we decided to use someone who isn't an ID donor, we want as much as possible about the donor. Everything we have is put away and when a kid is old enough to want to know, then we have the most possible information. That is just the way I look at it. I would also strongly recommend them because we got a couple different photo set and please remember that you are taking someone's opinion as fact. I have found that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. In my experience, lets just say I was shocked at the description versus the photo. If a certain look is important to you, I'd get them. To us it was a surprise, but not a deal breaker.

paulml02

Just a curious question. We ordered out donor's lifetime photo's today and I guess we should get them in email tomorrow. I was just wondering for those of you who have purchased them, how it was set up. From my understanding it is on a pdf file like a collage of photos for a variety of different ages. Were you able to drag individual pictures from it and make copies of it?(@ walgreens etc) We would like to have the actual photos in a photo album. I completely understand the agreement of not sharing the photos, we just want it for our own records. If not, then that's okay. Thanks for any feedback!!