Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
First- a diagnosis, then- a decision.
GeminiJai
Senior Member Senior Member
I'm 32 years old and single. Well, I have a boyfriend but we've only been dating 4 months and things have been rocky for the past 4-5 weeks. I was diagnosed with PCOS 3 years ago but began taking birth control, which helped me rid myself of the cysts and my ovaries became "quiet." My AF has always been a vicious woman... Causing me to have unbearable cramps and heavy cycles. Then, 2 months ago, I AF decided that she wanted to visit more often. Every two weeks, to be exact.
So I contacted my GYN and scheduled an appointment to come in. I found out through sonogram that I have 2 fibroids- one which was there in January when I had my regular PAP, but the other is new and possibly in my uterine lining (we'll be doing a sonohysterography next month to find out for sure; if yes, it will need to be surgically removed). My GYN told me that the new fibroid was causing irritation and, most likely, the reason for my bi-weekly cycles. He also told me that my birth control was likely causing it and the other to grow, so he wanted to take me off of it and run some blood work to make sure there was nothing else wrong.
Well, there was something else wrong... Irregular cycles can also be a sign of fertility issues. Specifically, as per my high FSH, it can be a sign of premature ovarian failure. There's no way to know how long my remaining eggs will last but I understood the sense of urgency when my GYN said, "I would like for you to start trying to have a child soon."
I've always wanted to have a child. I'm the only one of my girlfriends who is childless and, between my 5 brothers, I've been blessed to be an aunt to 6 nephews and 1 niece. I've been "Always the Aunt, never the Mom" since I was 18 years old.
After discussing ALL of my options (and, trust me: I went over ALL of them!), I have finally come to the decision to proceed with IUI with a donor of my choice.
And I'm absolutely terrified. And excited. But, still, mostly terrified.
My biggest fear is the financial aspect. Not simply the IUI (now that I've read pretty much every forum blog on repeated/failed IUI attempts- that cost is a HUGE concern) but I'm worried about not being a good provider for my child, with only one income. I do not make a lot of money. I make enough to pay my mortgage and utilities and have 1/4 of my monthly take-home income leftover for food, groceries, gas, etc. How can I possibly afford a child??! But I'm running out of time so it's more like, I "have" to - but "how" will I??!
I've decided to rent my basement out to a friend who has been looking to get out of his current lease, so that will help, but it's just month-to-month. The first few months he's there, his rent check will go towards IUI... After that, and for as long as he stays, I'll put it into a savings account- with which I will add my tax return and annual bonus. So that makes me feel a little bit better- but not entirely.
I'd love to hear from other single women out there who have made the choice to have a child on their own, who aren't well-to-do (no offense to those of you who are, though!)- to see if you share the same concerns/struggles and how you are (or have been) coping? I've decided to wait to try my first attempt at IUI until January, so that I can save up some money for at least 2 vials. Who knew genetic material was so expensive, btw?? LOL ... I have male friends who have offered to give it for free, since hearing about my diagnosis. But that's an entirely separate blog, in and of itself
Thank you!
So I contacted my GYN and scheduled an appointment to come in. I found out through sonogram that I have 2 fibroids- one which was there in January when I had my regular PAP, but the other is new and possibly in my uterine lining (we'll be doing a sonohysterography next month to find out for sure; if yes, it will need to be surgically removed). My GYN told me that the new fibroid was causing irritation and, most likely, the reason for my bi-weekly cycles. He also told me that my birth control was likely causing it and the other to grow, so he wanted to take me off of it and run some blood work to make sure there was nothing else wrong.
Well, there was something else wrong... Irregular cycles can also be a sign of fertility issues. Specifically, as per my high FSH, it can be a sign of premature ovarian failure. There's no way to know how long my remaining eggs will last but I understood the sense of urgency when my GYN said, "I would like for you to start trying to have a child soon."
I've always wanted to have a child. I'm the only one of my girlfriends who is childless and, between my 5 brothers, I've been blessed to be an aunt to 6 nephews and 1 niece. I've been "Always the Aunt, never the Mom" since I was 18 years old.
After discussing ALL of my options (and, trust me: I went over ALL of them!), I have finally come to the decision to proceed with IUI with a donor of my choice.
And I'm absolutely terrified. And excited. But, still, mostly terrified.
My biggest fear is the financial aspect. Not simply the IUI (now that I've read pretty much every forum blog on repeated/failed IUI attempts- that cost is a HUGE concern) but I'm worried about not being a good provider for my child, with only one income. I do not make a lot of money. I make enough to pay my mortgage and utilities and have 1/4 of my monthly take-home income leftover for food, groceries, gas, etc. How can I possibly afford a child??! But I'm running out of time so it's more like, I "have" to - but "how" will I??!
I've decided to rent my basement out to a friend who has been looking to get out of his current lease, so that will help, but it's just month-to-month. The first few months he's there, his rent check will go towards IUI... After that, and for as long as he stays, I'll put it into a savings account- with which I will add my tax return and annual bonus. So that makes me feel a little bit better- but not entirely.
I'd love to hear from other single women out there who have made the choice to have a child on their own, who aren't well-to-do (no offense to those of you who are, though!)- to see if you share the same concerns/struggles and how you are (or have been) coping? I've decided to wait to try my first attempt at IUI until January, so that I can save up some money for at least 2 vials. Who knew genetic material was so expensive, btw?? LOL ... I have male friends who have offered to give it for free, since hearing about my diagnosis. But that's an entirely separate blog, in and of itself
Thank you!
Comments
From one gal to another with a low ovarian reserve, do it now!! Don't wait! I know that it is scary and you ask yourself how will I manage but remember others have done it before you and when the baby gets here you too will manage. Maybe it means you will breastfeed to cut down on costs...I plan to do that(and its better for the baby!). You can get a membership to a wholesale club to save on diapers and look at garage sales for clothes! You can get great things at garage sales and at rummage sales. You can do this and you can manage! I am not wealthy and will be looking at all of these options. You can also ask friends about using some of their baby stuff! Handme downs are great. Have you checked with your insurance? Will they pay for any of it? You now have a diagnosis and know there will be an issue if they will pick up the meds and the ultrasounds then the actually iui isn't bad. Wait till you see the container of those swimmers! Then you will really say.....they cost WHAT!!!
There are a few of us here with low ovarian reserve... we will be happy to support you in what ever way we can! Next month I will be posting one ovary, one follicle one bfp!(got to think positive!)
Robin
@Robin- Thank you for all of your great suggestions! I have plenty of access to "hand me downs" for boys- but nothing for girls (my family and friends only make boys- haha!). I've begun to think of ways to cut back, but I guess I'm just concerned about the "what if's" - the things you can't really account for (like a car breaking down or needing expensive repairs). I know that people with lesser means and income have babies all the time and make it work. Heck, I grew up very poor and remember buying "new" clothes from the church basement and being on "free" lunch at school. And, don't get me wrong- we never went without, our house was always warm in the winter and cool in the summer, and we went to bed with full bellies.. But I always hoped that I would be able to give my children everything I didn't have.
Finances aside, though, there was something that you both mentioned which I wanted to touch on... @Amirasmommy said "I also recommend starting the process sooner rather than later. Every cycle counts!!!" and @Robin said "From one gal to another with a low ovarian reserve, do it now!! Don't wait!"
Do you really think that I should start ASAP, rather than wait until January? Is a few months really going to make that much of a difference????? :?:
talk with your doctor about the timing! I am 37 and for me, every month counts and I don't want to waste even one egg. For me there are some months that I develop an egg that is healthy and there are other months that the egg that develops is not healthy. So I move forward each month not knowing if I can do the iui cycle or not. Since being diagnosed with low ovarian reserve I am now thankful each month I am able to do something. The first month after the diagnosis, everything went well. I started the injectibles and developed one follicle with an estrogen of 200. unfortunatley the cycle ended with a bfn(big fat negative). this past month, started injectibles, thought three follicles were developing but alas estrogen was only 56....that meant the cycle had to be cancelled
if my insurance was not great I would not be able to do what I am. The injectibles themselves would be 6000 dollars a month! My insurance pays for all of the diagnostics and the meds just not for the iui.
I do not make 65000 a year I make more like 35000. I have my master's degree but unfortunately not in a profession that makes a lot. I am currently working on an Eds so that I may be able to make more in the future. I understand worrying about what you can't plan for but here's the thing there will always be things that we can't plan for! Your baby will know that he/she was wanted so much that you were willing to sacrafice to bring them into the world. You will be able to give them what is important. Let others give them what they want. Grandparents are meant for the spoiling! Try not to worry so much. Talk to your ovaries every night and remind them how much you appreciate them and that they can and will get this job done. when you read about 4 and 5 follies being developed, do not worry when you get 2 or 3. You will get less numbers because of your diagnosis but it only takes one.
If you have not spoken to your insurance, I would see what they cover. if they cover diagnostics make an appointment with an RE (reproductive endroconologist) and have some tests done. You may want to get an hsg test to make sure that your tunes are both open and ready to let the follies through. you would hate to start this and then a few iui's later find out that a tube is blocked. I would recommend seeing an RE as opposed to a regular og/gyn just because they will be able to do more.
If you have any more questions, feel free to ask. I will help as much as I can!
Robin
I'm also an athlete and have a few organized events (100k bike ride, 5k run, 3-week fitness challenge) on the books that I've signed up for... But I realized last night that the only one's I've actually "paid" for, at this point, are all in October.
So, I've decided that I'll talk with my RE when I go in for my sonohysterogram on Friday. I'm adament about not trying in October but, if he feels I should start sooner than January, I trust him 100% and will follow whatever plan he feels is best.
I'm sooo glad I found this forum! The support I've already received here is amazing and I'm so grateful! PS. @Amirasmommy- thanks for being the first to wish me "luck and lots of baby dust" - it was such a wonderful feeling to read that!
How great that you get to stay with your doc the whole time! I love my RE and wish I could stay with him for the whole pregnancy but sadly I have to switch after my first trimester. I like my ob/gyn but I love my RE!
Good luck at your test and keep us updated!
I am very similar to you in that my cycles were like clockwork, every 30 day! Then I started bleeding every 2 weeks and I founf out I had endometriosis and a fibroid the size of a quarter! After surgery and a long recovery due to complications I am now on the road to being a single mother by choice! I will provide whatever support I can!
Sending lots of positive thoughts and baby dust your way!
Robin
I did ask him about whether I should start trying immediately or if I can wait and he said that waiting is fine. He wants to run all of the diagnostic testing first and, since I have to wait for my next cycle, that will take me into late October/early November, anyway. So I've decided to wait, register/pay for my 15k on 12/3 and complete all of my other athletic races, and then continue on with my plan for my first IUI attempt in January.
Nonetheless, I'll make sure to keep you all updated on the results of my HSG.
That's great news.....sorry about the pain. Sounds like a true torture device. I am cringing here just reading that!
I had an hsg and really didn't have pain associated with it. There was some cramping, just make sure you take some ibuprofen like an hour before the procedure and that helped. Here's hoping that your blood work comes back good and the hsg comes back all wide open!
Sending lots of positive thoughts and baby dust your way for the new year! Here's hoping the new year brings a new baby!
Robin
I started contemplating being a single mom at 35... took a few more years of dating and not finding Mr. Right for me, then prepared myself physically, financially, emotionally and spiritually and took the plunge at 38.
Well, exactly 6 months ago today I gave birth to my beautiful daughter using donor sperm! I went through 7 IUI's (4 rounds with clomid) and 4 IVF's and finally got pregnant at age 39! My daughters middle name is Faith, because you need alot of it and develop so much of it on this journey.
Through all the trials my mom kept telling me, "it only takes one" and "with God all things are possible". The journey is tough, there were many heart-aching moments for me, but every person's journey is different and faith, family and friends helped me through.
I'm managing just fine as a single mom. The other ladies are right, there are tons of places to get baby/kid stuff for low cost or free (kids consignment shops, churches, thrift stores, friends etc). I own a condo and support myself. You do what you have to do. Save where you can and have a mindset of "abundance" and not "lack" and everything you need will come to you, just put out your request to God/ the universe.
Do visualizations of the good eggs, the embryo attaching to the wall, the baby growing and finally birth. Keep re-visiting these. It helps to keep a positive frame of mind. I did acupuncture during many of my trials... I think it helped. For some, it happens the first time (a friend who is 42 got pregnant with the first round of IVF), for me, it took 11 rounds total. Start when you are ready... but decide what truly is your priority... you may want to not do the athletic events. Time can be a factor for many people and hindsight is 20/20. I would have started earlier if I knew it would have taken so long, but I know that the daughter I have is truly meant to be here, so in my mind it is "God's timing", it helped me to take the pressure and guilt feelings of waiting off my shoulders.
I've just started to look into dating again... and now there's no pressure! It's great! I could either be with a person who wants kids or not. I'm SOOOO HAPPY!!! I had no idea how fulfilling it would be to have a child.
Wishing you peace and your hearts desire. It's an amazing journey! Cher
I read your post and I just had to respond.
As far as your concerns I had all the same concerns. I do think that at our age we are at a much better time in our lives to provide for our child in every way...emotionally, physically, and financially. You may not make the most money as the next mom...but, I'm sure you manage your money responsibly. Imagine how much more responsible you'll be with it when you have your baby to care for? If young moms can do it you can. I make about 55k-60k a year depending on commissions. I too bought my house 2.5 years ago. My car will be paid off soon so that will help me out tremendously. We will both figure it out. Don't hesitate over money. They say you always wonder if you can afford a kid...in the end you make it work.
And the HSG doesn't really hurt bad. It is a little uncomfortable...but not bad. You'll see. Good luck!
JL- Thanks for sharing your similar experience with me! I honestly probably would have waited at least 3 more years to try, if I hadn't received this early diagnosis... But, like you, I'm okay with not having a man in my life- but I'm NOT okay with not having a child
I'm starting on 50mg Clomid tomorrow for 5 days, then come back for more blood work and my sonogram on 1/15, will hopefully trigger that night, and the tentative date for my FIRST IUI is 1/17! I joined Club Fairfax today, ordered 2 vials from my donor (got free shipping via local courier plus $25 off - thanks, Anne!)! Sooo super-excited!!