Is anybody else watching this?

hopefulchar

So I just finished watching the sperm donor show on the style network. I am so perplexed at the portrayal of donation on this show..do any of you feel the same way? I think of my husband and I as a normal healthy happy couple that are just doing what they need to do to have the family they yearn for. I am sure a lot of you feel the same way, irregardless of whom your family is made up of. I am already grateful to the future donor of my children but I look at him as just that a donor. I do not expect to need to meet him and I pray that my children feel fulfilled with the family they were given to feel complete. My heart broke for the sweet little girl on this show that thought her mom was married to the donor. How did you all feel when you heard that? How do you all plan on telling your children where they came from.

You know it's really crazy I have been so focused on getting pregnant that I haven't thought much past what comes next.

Do you all plan on registering on the donor sibling registry?

Hope all is well with everybody. Thinking of you all tonight

Amirasmommy

I watched it! I think that mother made a mistake having them meet while the kids are so young. I'm a single woman and I am using an ID option donor so that when my child turns 18 and are more emotionally mature, they can choose to know more about their donor or not. Until then, I am the mother and a nice unknown man helped mommy and the doctor make you but there is NO daddy. I don't think I would have met like that with my children at that age without at least some ground rules. I don't like that he touched them, hugged the mom in front of the kids, allowed someone to refer to him as "dad". He's not a long lost daddy. He's a donor. That wasn't fair to him, his fiancé, or the kids. I thought it was really irresponsible. They had No ground rules. The kids and the mom think there will be future communication and meetings and if the fiancé has anything to say about it, that will NOT be happening. I think she set those kidsup for major rejection.

As for the young sibling girls. I found that story sweet. I think everyone deserves to know the truth. And if these girls, as adults, choose to have a sister like relationship, then that is fine. My sister and I have different fathers so biologically they age the same relationship as us.

I personally think the truth is vital. And where that goes is a risk we take when we enter into this venture. But I think its unfair to not only make this choice, but also to hide the fact that we did, regardless of our individual situations. This is just my opinion, I feel the same about adoption. I'm not saying this to upset anyone or start a major debate. But I think we should all think about how we would feel if we were these children. I for one would be grateful for the effort put into my very intentional existence but I would definitely want to know the truth.

sweetpea

The issue of telling our child that my husband is not thier biological father has been a big debate in our house. I was for telling, where my husband doesn't think it is a good idea. His sister was adopted and his parents said that as soon as they told her, she completely changed. She went from being a normal, well adjusted kid, to someone who didn't know what to believe. I think a child is ill equiped to handle this kind of situation. All they really need to know, is that their mommy and daddy love them. I still think that the issue of telling our child is open on my end, but if my husband still feels that strongly about it, I have to respect that.

redolfin26

so, i just watched the show ...and i can totally see how some of the concerns posted here surfaced...where to begin...i think the the little girl was a bit confused and perhaps it might have been a bit too soon for that family to have met the donor...waiting until 18 might not have been necessary, but having a better ability to comprehend family dynamics might have been more adventageous and healthier for that little girl...the little boy was too young to really get any of it so it seemed...it did kinda seem odd that the donor hugged the kids over and over and was more 'dadish' when his intention seems far from that...again, though these are unchartered waters by many so perhaps it was just a reaction to be loving and friendly...as for hugging the mom, prob just a natural thing...we hug people sometimes weve just met depending...so for that story, i think maybe the mom might have been better to wait a few more years until the kids could fully understand...i feel bad for the fiancee...must be difficult but its done and they have to kinda navigate it...i feel good though that he seems open to at least connecting with his offspring, it might be a defining moment in some childs life...

i have a donor conceived child who is almost 3 and we have met one of her siblings a few times with many more visits planned spanning a lifetime...its been a mind blowing life altering experience that i can not now imagine not having had...our kids are the same age, just 3 weeks apart...we skype, email, send videos and mail things with one another...i dont think of my daughters 'half sibling' as anything but her brother and we refer to him as such...half is silly...my partner and i support this relationship because we feel thats its better to have them know one another early in life instead of havingthem look back and wish we did...to have our daughter wonder why she didnt know about her brother before she was like 18 seemed weird...when she started nursery school this year i wrote a note to the teacher explaining our family and about her brother in case they talked about family or siblings and would know about her brother...we included him on our family tree...he and his mother and their family are our family and will forever will be...we felt especially strong about making this conection early on in life because neither of us, nor the mother of our daughters brother planned on having any more kids and so we feel some peace knowing they are not alone in the world so to speak...having said that, i think that gay couples and single mothers are more apt to search for siblings or donors because well, its assumed that we needed 'help' to start a famaily and well our families are 'non-traditional' by definition so its not a secret and something thats very openly discussed...for straight couples who used either donor eggs or donor sperm for whatever reason may or may not disclose this to family members or friends...i think it must be a more difficult decision for a straight couple to seek conception with a more non traditional path than single or gay...i can see how it would be harder to bring up with the child and i can certainly understand why a father would not want necessarily want to disclose that info to the child but the flip side of this can also have adverse effects...listen, theres always good stories and bad stories with everything in life...everyone knows someone who had this or that happen with a good or bad outcome and sometimes we base our own decisions on one person experience rather than looking at the larer picture...i personally believe the larger picture would tell that for the most part, most donor conceived children looking back would have liked to know this sooner than later...i dont mean when their 5, but high school maybe? i think they are entitled to know that there are other siblings in the world that are part of them...i think that keeping this from them is more harmful than sharing it at an appropriate time in an appropriate way...people can seek info out from books, counselors, wendy and other parents of donor conceived children on how they did it and what they said...to the mom who posted that her husband didnt want to divulge this to the child...i get it...i think we can certainly all understand...you seem torn...and i think considering the child is important as well..perhaps seeking out some non biased advise from a counselor might help guide your choices...maybe some new perspective...just a thought...these waters are uncharted for a lot of us...we can all be here for one another...i would like to see more shows/episodes like this show with families that dont have like so many offspring...seemed to put a lil bit of a negative spin on things from the get go...thought? ideas?
peace,
jenny

Amirasmommy

I would love to see more shows like this one!

I have nothing against siblings meeting at all. I actually hope that someone else has a child with my donor and reaches out either through this forum or the donor sibling registry. I think maybe even an older child or a teen would have been better suited to meet the donor. They have to be old enough to fully understand that a romantic relationship never existed...in other words...they have to understand the science of conception.

I think honesty is always the best policy. Of course timing and the right situation are vital. But for me I would tell my child how they came to be. If not you run the risk of 1 them finding out somehow anyways and then not trusting you because you omitted the truth which will feel like lying or 2 they somewhere down the road meet up romantically with a sibling or other close biological relative. I understand everyone has their own situations, this is jmo. I would never do this if I wasn't willing to tell my child the truth. I sincerely hope for those who decide otherwise that all goes well and it doesn't backfire. Good luck and lots of baby dust!!

sweetpea

I think that I will keep an open mind about it and will know what to do and when to do it in regards to telling my future child. Obviously, if they look really different from my husband, they will have questions that will need to be addressed. So far, we have only told our parents, and closest friends what we are doing. At the end of the day, we just want a healthy baby to raise and share our life with and face any obstacles as they come up.