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Any advice on... dating??

GeminiJaiGeminiJai Senior Member Senior Member
Okay, so I know this is probably a weird topic to find in the "Single Mothers [by Choice]" forum but, I have to ask...

I went to Oktoberfest this past Saturday and met someone. He asked me for my number so I gave it to him (ironically, so did his friend- but I declined him!) and he TXTd me a couple times Sunday and Monday and then finally called me last night. We talked for 2 hours and it was a lot of fun (I forgot how enjoyable the "getting to know you" part is). He's already TXTd me again today so he's obviously interested- which is where things get tricky:

1. I'm not looking for a new romantic relationship right now... and, even if I was-
2. I'm getting ready to try and HAVE A BABY VIA DONOR SPERM in the next few months!... and, on top of that-
3. I'm in the early stages of premature ovarian failure at age 32, so the fact that I might not have any eggs left once I actually *do* meet Mr. Right could be an issue (the guy I met is 36, has never been married, and has no children).

How do you explain that to someone you've just met, who obviously has a romantic interest in you?? I think we could start off with a great friendship, which may eventually lead somewhere (I'm not getting ahead of myself after a few days- I'm just sayin the possibility is there, right?), and I'm an incredibly honest person so I don't know how long I could or should keep it from him.

Have any of YOU dated during the process of IUI? If yes, could you please tell me how you explained what you were doing and- once they found out, did they stick around or bolt? And... what about dating after IUI? Do single women date when they're pregnant?? :?:

Sorry if all of this seems so odd-ball, especially since this forum is intended for SINGLE women who are trying to be mothers on their own. I certainly don't want to offend anyone with my choice of topic but it made sense to ask.

Comments

  • AmirasmommyAmirasmommy Senior Member Senior Member
    I can't speak for everyone but as for me I'm choosing this route because I want another child and Mr. Right is totally MIA and I can't wait around for him forever to maybe or maybe not show up. It's not because I don't want Mr. Right to show but he hasn't so in the mean time I'm taking life into my own hands without him. If you find someone you connect with thats awesome!! Here's what I would do....if you have a few months before your IUI. I would date him...if you're both interested...at least for a few weeks. Then if things feel like they have the potential to get more serious I would tell him about your fertility issues and your desire to have a child with or without a husband ASAP because of your limited window of opportunity. If he runs...he wasn't Mr. Right anyways so no big loss. If he doesn't run...maybe you've found him and won't need DS. But for right now, relax and don't over analyze it. I wouldn't tell him too soon because he might think...why is she telling me something so personal...Im just wanting to have a good time. But I also wouldn't wait too long if it does start feeling serious because omission of the truth to some people is like a lie. So in short...trust your instinct....you'll know when and if the time is right. GL and have fun dating!
  • jl2011jl2011 Member Member
    I completely agree with Amirasmommy. I would date him for a few weeks...feel the situation out...don't over analyze it. If things seem to be going great after a few weeks or a month be honest with him. If he runs...no big deal...you know he wasn't the right one for you. You might find out he wants kids too and he sympathizes with your situation and you might get closer over it. You never know. But, I wouldn't tell him too soon....I also wouldn't "omit" the truth for too terribly long.
    I have dated through this process. But, honestly, I haven't found the one that is right for me so I never needed to tell them. I have also started talking to my ex fiance again and I told him the truth from the beginning. He is fixed and doesn't want any more kids (which was our problem and why we aren't married now). But, the way I look at it is our life isn't over right? We are choosing to be single moms because we haven't found Mr. Right? But, who says we won't find him during this process? Give it a shot. If he freaks out it isn't like you invested so much time and emotion in him to where you will be upset. You'll just know exactly where you stand...
  • GeminiJaiGeminiJai Senior Member Senior Member
    Thank you BOTH for your advice! We all know dating isn't easy, or else we wouldn't be here in the first place, but going through this process while ALSO still leaving oneself on the market makes it even more challenging (IMHO). He just asked me out to dinner and I definitely want to go out and see where it might lead. I'm still going to proceed with IUI, regardless, because I don't have any time to "waste" - and there's no way I could know for sure whether he (or any other guy) was Mr. Right in the amount of time in which I have to start the process. And, you're right- if he decides to bounce if/when he finds out, then it wasn't in the cards for us, anyway.

    LOVE having all this support from you ladies! It's wonderful to discuss ideas/questions/concerns with women who know exactly what I'm going through!!! :P
  • AmirasmommyAmirasmommy Senior Member Senior Member
    No prob! That's what we're all here for. Good luck! And see if he has a hot brother for me...lol!
  • maria2maria2 Senior Member Senior Member
    LOL....I also went through the debate if I should date while I'm going through the whole process....and met a guy who was really cool, it didn't work out but it was still fun just to go out and not think about the baby making stuff....

    I also agree with the other ladies....enjoy dating....remember, it is just dating for now....but if things go well, then decide when you want to tell him. But for now, don't over-analyze it...just enjoy the companionship.

    I still go through periods when I'm so over dating and men....so I go in hibernation....

    Have fun!!! Good luck with whatever happens!
  • robinrobin Senior Member Senior Member
    geminijai,
    I don't think what your asking is weird, in fact this is the perfect place to ask that question! while we are all single right now, it doesn't mean that we want to be single forever. I have read some posts on here that have said it is easier to date after you are pregnant because it seems to take the pressure off of some guys thinking we are all just looking for daddies.

    I agree with what all the women have said before me....Enjoy your date! have fun. It is definately a good think to have other things to occupy our minds besides our ovaries!!

    Robin
  • GeminiJaiGeminiJai Senior Member Senior Member
    Amirasmommy, Maria & Robin- Thanks for sharing your thoughts! I know it's weird but... the whole reason I thought it might not be a welcomed topic is because of that movie "The Back-Up Plan" -- have you seen it?? LOL! J.Lo's character joined this 'Single Mommies' group and was kind of outcast from it when she started talking about dating and I definitely did NOT want that to happen to me, here! I mean, I know that was just a movie but - with everything that I'm/we're going through, I don't think I/we can afford to lose ANY source of support!

    I know that trying for this baby should be my main focus, and it is, but I simply cannot give up on the idea of finding a man to share my life with. You're all already so much farther into the process than I am... I haven't even had my HSG or started Clomid or had my first IUI attempt, etc. and I'm already a basket case! I go from being happy to being sad in the blink of an eye. It's strange but I think I'm going through the "7 Stages of Grief" as though I've experienced a loss/death... But, I mean, I guess I have-- I'm losing my ovary reserve and I've been thrust into a path that I'd only joked about in years past. I know that I'm making the right choice for myself by going through with IUI because what I've wanted most from life is to be a mother, but I never thought I'd be doing it this way. NOT to say that there's anything *wrong* with being a SMBC (!!)- it's just that, if I'm being honest with me/you, it wasn't what I would have chosen if I had the option of more time.

    ::sigh::

    Sorry to be a downer. Yesterday was a good day. Today...? Not so much.
  • AmirasmommyAmirasmommy Senior Member Senior Member
    SMBC is an organization of just that...single mothers by choice but it's not connected to this forum in any way. But I don't think the "by choice" means that these women are opposed to The right man in their life but just that he hasn't come and they're not waiting...they're "choosing" to, at least for now, do it on their own. I really like that movie but I think that part of the plot was just for comedy and wasn't realistic at all. Im more like the J.Lo character and less of the water birth, au natural, who needs a man type depicted for comic relief in that film. So if you want to date...go for it! I hope you find you're Mr. Right and don't need a donor... ;). As for me, I'm starting to believe my Mr. Right doesn't exist so I'm not gonna wait around to find out. If he shows, great, if not, I'll live. GL!
  • GeminiJaiGeminiJai Senior Member Senior Member
    I hope you find you're Mr. Right and don't need a donor... .

    That's just it- I haven't found Mr. Right and I've run out of time. I need to start trying now so, if Mr. Right is gonna come along- at some point, he'll have to be the kind of man who will accept me AND my child. Otherwise, I have no problem being single 8-) GL to you, too!
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