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Donor photos - did you buy them?

We've picked out a donor who is perfect on paper. He sounds just like my husband. He doesn't have adult photos though. My husband isn't bothered by that. He decided he didn't want to see any photos... However I feel like I want too... DH pointed out that that face will be stuck in my mind forever then. Which I get that...and maybe he's right. I don't know. I'm so torn... Just wanted to know if looking at photos helped you decide or did it make it harder? I hate that it's making me second guess someone who seems so perfect. I have a few others who were close seconds with photos. Just Not sure what to do. Thanks for reading and any feedback!

Comments

  • hopefulcharhopefulchar Senior Member Senior Member
    that is such a tough question and i am sure it will vary with every woman on here. When my husband and i first started this journey i was very attached to our first donor. i feel in love with his baby picture, and essay. He just felt right in every way (medical history, personality, interests and morals, blood type and cmv status) i had several dreams that we got pregnant and my baby was a clone of his baby picture. i then decided to buy the adult photo and felt let down, not because he was bad looking but because that wasn't what i pictured the baby to grow up and look like. That donor was really never the same to me after that and when i decided to switch donors because i hadn't gotten a bfp i never bought another adult photo.

    It is up to you obviously but i would tell you to go with your gut instinct on the first donor that you love and count your blessing that you don't have to choose if you look at the adult photo or not. Maybe fate decided to step in.

    Good luck with everything and i hope you get your bfp soon

    Charlotte
  • robinrobin Senior Member Senior Member
    Pixiepie,
    I had a similar experience to Charlotte. I loved every aspect of the donor I chose and then bought the liftime photos because they were available. After seeing the photos I started to second guess myself. Not because he was bad looking but because he looks a little like someone I would rather he not resemble. That being said. I pushed the photos out of my head and went with my gut and bought the vials. I am know 6 weeks 3 days pregnant with that donor. After purchasing the pics, honestly I wished I hadn't I still have the pics but do not intend to share them with anyone.

    Everyone is different though. You need to make the decision that is best for you!

    Good luck and lots of baby dust.

    Robin
  • aggiebabyaggiebaby Member Member
    I was nervous to get the adult pictures because I felt like I might be let down as well. I have decided that if we get pregnant and have a baby by our donor I am going to order the lifetime pictures and keep them in a sealed envelope for my children. I think it is important to have something to give them - pictures, medical info, profile, etc.
  • PixelpiePixelpie Junior Member
    Thanks so much for the feed back. Maybe it is fate and better that I don't have the option of adult photos! That's a good way to think about it. So ready to start this process! Just need AF to show up!!!
  • sweetpeasweetpea Member Member
    We never purchased the adult photos, but the baby pics sure did help us narrow our search down. There were a lot of profiles that sounded great and then we were not pleased at all with the baby picture. Good luck with your journey!
  • bilbrey828bilbrey828 Member Member
    My partner and I purchased the pictures of our donor. We wanted someone that was similar to my partner. We were glad when we saw the pictures because alot of his facial features match hers, like his eyes and lips. Our child is almost 3 months old now and sure, he looks like me as well as the donor but since the donor had similar facial features as my partner and most people cant tell if he is mine or hers! I guess its all in how you look at it. For us, we didn't really care what he looked like, we were just curious. We have no intention on scowering the internet looking for him but we thought it would be nice if one day our son comes to us and asks what his donor looked like. To me, he looks just like my partner and I....we are just glad that we were able to have the opportunity to have a child. :D
  • lmarchetlmarchet Junior Member Junior Member
    We didn't want to see any adult photos at that time, since it was SO difficult, but we did purchase one baby/toddler photo. That helped a lot and he looked so similar to my husband's features after looking at that baby photo that we decided it was meant to be and didn't wonder about the adult pics. But i also did purchase the adult silhouette, not sure if that actually helped, but it was nice to have. Hope this helps.
  • Mikko77Mikko77 Member
    Wow, this is a hard one .. but I can see for each family and relationship that the response will vary. For a husband that has to use donor sperm I can understand that this could be painful to see another man ... maybe even a hurtful reminder that the child is not your blood relation .. However, that baby is only going to see you as "Father" and "Daddy".. the provider and the man that loved them from the very start :P . I read where someone said " put the pictures in a safe " and provide to the child for their own use when the time is right.

    I know in our situation .. My partner and I wanted to have a ID Option and photos and it's not easy to find a lot of donors that we liked with those factors. We looked at a baby picture of one donor who was so cute as a baby .. but as we went through the lifetime pictures he looked totally different to put it kindly. We realized that we could not rely on solely discriptions or a baby picture we needed to see real life pics .. We also are doing it for our future childrens.. their overall happiness is more important to us then anything. We can deal with putting a face to the number... it's a requirement.

    Good luck everyone in what ever you decide you have to make the right choice for each unique situation

    M :geek:
  • Dani314Dani314 Junior Member
    For my partner and I photos were a huge part of it. We have a couple friend that picked a donor that matched her partner. It is AMAZING how much the child looks like her partner. People actually laughed about the fact that right in the face she looks like her birth mother, but her coloring and personality is totally the other. She is an exact cross between the two. We took a different approach. We wanted to have a child that had a better chance of looking like one of us, so we looked for someone with my features. My partner really doesn't mind who it looks like as long as the child is healthy .

    I have to be honest though. If you are looking for a certain something in a donor, get the photos! Beauty truly is in the eyes of the beholder. I purchased two different photo series that were said to look like a certain actor. My partner and I laughed as I said "Have they ever seen (the actor)?" It wasn't even close either time. They were attractive and we totally loved one, but the description was not even close on one. He was cute, but not at all what we thought and that photo is what changed our mind. Again, he was cute, but wasn't what we thought. However on the second one we picked anyway because he was perfect in every other aspect.
  • GeminiJaiGeminiJai Senior Member Senior Member
    For me, I initially thought that adult/lifetime photos would be ideal... But, in the end, the donor I chose didn't have that option - so, like some of the other ladies said, maybe that was fate stepping in? I purchased his baby photo and fell in love, and my Mom even said that he looks very similar to my younger brother when he was a baby- which made me feel good, thinking the baby will undeniably look like me. Plus, I don't know how comfortable I'd be having the donor's adult image burned into my mind for eternity; I'd hate to think that I'd spend the rest of my life subconsciously looking for him everywhere I went, if that makes sense?
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