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The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Go ahead w/out partner or wait for her?
harlean
Junior Member Junior Member
Hello Ladies,
I have been reading the topics on this board for a few moths now. And have finally felt ready enough to start my family early in the coming year. My partner and I have been together for over 5 yrs and have known each other for 11 years. At first we went back and forth over to have children or not, since with two incomes we can do just about anything our hearts desire. We discussed it several times and agreed that it was now or never since I will carry and just turned 33.
A few weeks ago we had a huge argument. And since we have been on 'a break'. She has suggested we go to counseling since this is not the first time we have had a big fight. But at the same time she tells me that she is not ready to have kids with me. That broke my heart because it felt as if she was making me choose between having a baby or her.
I want to have a family with her, but I do not have the luxury of time. So I have agreed to go to counseling, but I think it would be in my best interest to go ahead and try to have my family when I planned to - with or without her. The problem is that since we are from different ethnic backgrounds, at first I was going to choose a donor with her ethnic background so the kid would resemble her. But if we don't stay together I will have a constant reminder of her day in and day out.
What would be the most sensible choice? Wait until she is ready to start a family with me (and risk being too old) or go ahead with a donor that looks nothing like her (and perhaps lose her)?
I have been reading the topics on this board for a few moths now. And have finally felt ready enough to start my family early in the coming year. My partner and I have been together for over 5 yrs and have known each other for 11 years. At first we went back and forth over to have children or not, since with two incomes we can do just about anything our hearts desire. We discussed it several times and agreed that it was now or never since I will carry and just turned 33.
A few weeks ago we had a huge argument. And since we have been on 'a break'. She has suggested we go to counseling since this is not the first time we have had a big fight. But at the same time she tells me that she is not ready to have kids with me. That broke my heart because it felt as if she was making me choose between having a baby or her.
I want to have a family with her, but I do not have the luxury of time. So I have agreed to go to counseling, but I think it would be in my best interest to go ahead and try to have my family when I planned to - with or without her. The problem is that since we are from different ethnic backgrounds, at first I was going to choose a donor with her ethnic background so the kid would resemble her. But if we don't stay together I will have a constant reminder of her day in and day out.
What would be the most sensible choice? Wait until she is ready to start a family with me (and risk being too old) or go ahead with a donor that looks nothing like her (and perhaps lose her)?
Comments
I think you need to do what your heart tells you to do. I know that sounds cliche but really...at the end of the day I think you probably know what the right decision is. You two have been together for a very long time and she is telling you that she isn't ready to have children with you. I conceived my 2nd child at 33 and now am 35 beginning the journey again next month. If you want children (and more than one)....I think you should do it! What of she isn't ready in a year or two....what if she is never ready? As far as choosing the ethnicity....at the end of the day I think you probably know if you two will make it or not. Choose based on how you can answer that question. If you go ahead without her do you think she will break up with you? Don't let that be used against you. Again, you two have been together for a long time and if it were me....either you're ready or you're not and if you're not....you have to fulfill your dreams. It would be a shame if you didn't work out and you ended up without the biological child(ren) that you have always wanted.
best of luck to you and I hope things work out for you!
MSL
Is the picture you, carrying your beautiful child and the life you will have with your child? Or is your picture a family, two partners and their child?
Your heart will tell you...go with it.
I just wanted to say that going to a therapist should help a lot but only if you are both in tuned to the feedback from therapy. I will tell you this, when it comes to having a baby, this is not an easy or light decision. You both have been together for a long time but that does not stop arguments. I believe that people automatically feel that time is a value that relates to how "well" a relationship is supposed to be. I would wait on trying for a baby at least until after going to some counseling sessions, and to see how it goes. Think of it as only a few more months (not a year) to make sure your relationship is solid before bringing another human being into the equation. You DON'T want to have a baby and be trying to work out problems at the same time because, the problems between you two will get worse. Also, let's just say that you do make it through pregnancy, baby and arguments to get to satisfaction, the road is going to be a lot more harder getting to the happy result. Trust me, mother of 6 month old twin boys, experience with this situation and a budding counseling psychologist (working on the master's).
Demetrius