Did we make a mistake

slh7735

My wife and I had a son using a donor from here and he will be 2 in a few days. He is the best part of me and I love him with all my heart. Our donor was not an ID concent donor and I am worried we made the wrong choice. I have heard horrible stories were women would get pregnant with donor sperm and then the donors would try to gain rights to that child. That knowledge drove me to choose someone who was not ID consent. Now I look at my beautiful boy, who's face is not mine, and I wonder if I some how took his voice away with the decision I made. I do not want him to ever hate us for not knowing his father and I am terrified that will happen. Have any of you had trouble with this decision? Does anyone have older children and been through anything like this? We do know of one sibling, but will this be enough to help him deal with having two mommies and not knowing his father?

hopefulchar

GeminiJai

I agree with Charlotte! I actually first sought out non-ID donors because I wasn't sure how I felt about the child I'd raised for 18 years literally seeking out their "sperm donor" (for all intents and purposes)- especially since the man I eventually choose to share my life with will be his/her father... It just so happened that the donor I liked the best WAS an ID-Option donor. But if it had turned out differently and he didn't give me that option, I would've still gone through with it and had no regrets. I truly feel that your child will be grateful that you chose their specific donor because, like Charlotte said- if you hadn't, then you wouldn't have this beautiful little boy lighting up your life every day!

redolfin26

if you use an ID donor the child is not permitted to have any information regarding the donor from the sperm bank until they are 18 so there is no issue with them trying for custody or anything like that...that being said, as others have said, you wouldn't have had your son if you didn't use the donor you did...congrats on your baby...you do have another option here...register on the Donor Sibling Registry...at some point perhaps the donor will also register and you can make a connection on your terms, when you are ready, if ever or to at least have his info...

Emma1992

I am the offspring of donor sperm. I am 21 and when I was conceived there was no ID option, everyone was anonymous. If my mum did have a choice I would hope she would choose an ID option because then at 18 it would be my choice if I wanted to know more about my sperm donor and/or potential offspring. I don't believe anyone has the right to make that decision except the child. In saying this I am certainly not angry at my mum, I am grateful to be here.