Overcoming fear?

EMomwants2

Ok, so I'm all ready to go - but I've chickened out twice - the day of the insemination. Do I listen to my fears or my dreams? I am already a single mom and would love another child. At 41, there is no more time to wait. Any thoughts?

luvbeingmama

I just turned 40 and have a 10 month old. As a single mother, I feel we need to add to our family.There is just the two of us. I think my first child needs a sibling and I would love to have another child. I also have fears and have hesitated. The dreaded ticking clock adds pressure to this important decision. The challenges associated with raising my first child alone makes me question if I can "handle" another one? Will my children suffer because I will have to split my attention between the two? How do I address the "biological father question" when one child would have a known (but uninvolved) biological father and the second would have a "donor" biological father? How do I know I am picking the "right donor"? I am lucky in that I have little concerns about becoming pregnant, but all these other issues are looming and causing me to hesitate. Not sure if you have any of the same types of concerns, but I am starting counseling next week. I know I have to do something soon, or I WILL have problems getting pregnant. This also makes me feel rushed in choosing a donor, and that is something that should be thoroughly researched. I know how blessed I feel having my first child and I am sure once I take the plunge all will fall into place. I guess I don't have any advice, per say, but I do share in your fear and hesitation.

Barbra

I am 42 and have a ten month old daughter. I was raised by a single mom (uninvolved bio father) and have no siblings from my mom. The loving the bond we have is great. I do wish I had a sibling from her. I never wanted just one child, I always wanted a big family. The clock is ticking for me and I don't want to wait much longer, but I do have some concerns as you do also. will it be fair to split my attention. I am a single mother with a limited finacial income where I am able to give my daughter what she needs and lots of extras, such as swimming, music class, and nursery school. My mother is a great help as she takes care of her while I am at work or all my moeny would be going for child care. I will try and decide by the fall if I will have another. I figure everything will fall into place just as it did when I had my daughter.

sibemom

You've got to do what is in your heart. That means you need to assess what that is.

If you are a person of faith I'll tell you:
You have to put it down and pray that what is meant to be will be. But God cannot help those that do not help work towards doing things for themselves.

If you are not... or even if you are I will also say:
I personally fear more looking back with regret for not trying than knowing I gave it a shot. Yes, the thought of doing it alone is terrifying for me... but I can't see it being so awful that I would EVER use the word regret.

You?

Barbra

you know what they say, "People make plans and God laughs" and that is what happened when I had my daughter. I was planning to take 3 months offos work and was trying to figure a way to get 6 months off. But as it went I got offered a job that is 8 minutes from my house and it was a really nice teaching position. School that year started on the day that my daughter was 5 1/2 weeks old & off to work I went to secure this postion. I still feel some gulit, but I had to do what was best. the next time I will plan (lol) for a spring baby.

Being a single mom is hard, but the rewards can not be measured!

GeminiJai

I agree with sibemom... At 32 years old and single, I was/am terrified to do this on my own. My first IUI in January resulted in a chemical pregnancy/early miscarriage and I wound up backing out of my 2nd IUI the following month... When I decided to try again in March, I had 3 cysts and couldn't proceed... Now, I'm going in for IUI #2 tomorrow morning and can honestly say that I'm MUCH more excited this second time around and 100% on board with choosing this path. I know that I'll never be "alone" in this because I have a strong support network comprised of family and friends, and I try to find solace in that if there's ever a moment when I feel unsure or inadequate about being a single Mom.

In the end, it all comes down to what you really want... And here's a quote from Eat, Pray, Love to give you something to think about: "Having a baby is like getting a tattoo on your face; you have to be fully committed."

Barbra

Jamie- wishing u the best! I started second guessing myself when I started the process. I think that's just not normal. This really is a life changing decision. I'm so glad I did it. He's being a single mom is nit easy. But when u have support from family & friends it makes a great difference. The only family I have close to me is my mom. I couldn't have done it without her. She was with me every step of the way from all the drs appointments to the delivery of my daughter. Support makes a world of difference! Good luck in your journey

mamma20

I keep chickening out too. Whenever I have the money to buy the sperm I freak out last minute and end up haveing to wait till I have the money again.... Of course I'm 20 so people tell me it's understandable... What do you guys think?