First Experience with sperm donation

sthomas

I was hoping to get some advice from people who have gone through and are going through this. My husband and I have tried to get pregnant for almost 10 years. We have finally been told that we are basically out of options and the doctor suggested sperm donation. My husband has zero sperm but I am ok. We have just started looking into sperm donation as an option. Obviously my husband wants to pick a donor that is close to his physical appearance and I am concerned with medical history since my family has a long standing history of heart disease. How did you decide what donor to use? I am finding myself very overwhelmed looking through the choices. What impact has this decision had on your marriage? I am concerned that my husband is OK with this option now but that down the road he is going to feel differently or change his mind. We know that both of our families are probably not going to be supportive because of their beliefs. Does anyone have any advise on when and how to tell your families? Also what made you choose to do sperm donation through this type of website rather than asking a friend? My husband has had a friend for the past 20+ years that is like his brother. They look alike and have the same personalities and I have wondered about asking him but I don't know how and if that would work. I would never want to make the "friend" relationship awkward. Basically I am looking for some advise from people that have gone through/are going through this. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You All

hopefulchar

Welcome to the forum, I believe that you will find it to be a safe haven during this process. There are great, strong women on here that are full of support and lots of information.

My husband and I found out earlier this year that due to a car accident he does not produce enough sperm to get me pregnant. We immediately decided to go with a speem donor rather than his brother or a friend. If you use a speem donor nobody has legal rights to this child but you and your hubby. This was very important to us. We didn't even consider his 22 year old healthy brother because we didn't want to put our family in an awkward position. We also do not want anybody to feel they are the "birth father". This might sound crazy but we read a lot of horror stories online about sperm donation via a friend or family member.

When I was where you are now I felt like it was a little strange to be in this situation and to be honest it is all very normal to me now. We are both very confident in our decision to have a baby this way. It is our path and we honestly feel blessed to have it as an option. This wasn't the case several generations ago.

My husband is actually even more on board than I am and I am all in. We are excited to have our baby hopefully in 2012. If you have any questions along the way, I am here. I wish you lots of luck

Charlotte.

k&b

First off, welcome! This is not a forum any of us ever thought we would have to be on, but it is a great place for support!
My hubby has azoo, so makes 0 sperm.
We chose DS over a sibling or friend for a couple of reasons. One, we did not want to out anyone in the awkward position of having to say no to such a personal and life changing question.
Secondly, my hubby is intensely private about our fertility issues. Only our parents and his sister and one friend know. It is a source of embarrassment (though it souldnt be) for him. All of his friends have kids, and he doesn't want them to know he can't.
It was a tough choice that honestly took years to get to. In the end, here we are, on IUI 2. It is still difficult some days, but we are making it through. I highly recommend a little counseling, we actually did a lot, and it helped a great deal. I also recommend a book for you, and especially hubby, called Helping the Stork. It helped my husband put into words what he was feeling. It might help you with how to tell your families as well, it has a chapter on that.
As for picking, it's all personal preference. We went based on looks, but the donor actually looks a little more like me, b/c we could not find one that looked a lot like hubby. We did buy the lifetime pics of our donor, and finally made the leap. My hubby initially did not want to see the pics, but in the end decided he wanted to see them first, have first say basically.
Feel free to send me a message if you need anything, and know that we are all here for one another!
K

wonderwoman

Hi! My partner and I are having the same questions as you are. As a lesbian couple, it is not possible for us to produce sperm - so our situation is a little bit different. I will be carrying so we really wanted to use her brother's sperm. Our thinking was that our baby would have the same genes as my partner and would be more "ours" than using a donor. While at first this seemed like the best option, we started to realize the impact it would have on our child as he/she grew up. Inevitably someone in the family would tell our child, and we became concerned about how he/she would feel discovering that his/her uncle had a part in the creation and birth. Since we see him frequently, our hearts told us that this option would be difficult for everyone involved. We are moving forward with donor sperm. We are looking for donors who ha ve similar traits as my partner. We do struggle with how much information to find out about the donor. My partner is feeling like I'm "dating" the donor. If anyone has advice about this, I'd greatly appreciate it!

sthomas

Thank You all so much for being so kind. It is nice to hear advice and perspective from people who are going through the same stuff. Since we do not know anyone personally that is going though this it is kind of an isolating feeling. I am sure I will have more questions as we go further into this journey. If there is anything I can do for any of you please feel free to ask.

Thanks