My husband is reluctant...help?

babyblues2009

My husband had a lot of health issues as a child and some pretty significant abdomial surgery resulting in the loss of his right testical at a VERY young age. He was reassured all his life that his remaining testical would be more than sufficient for him to father children one day. We never thought twice about it...until we started having trouble getting pregnant. Now the dianosis is official: Severe Male Factor Infertility. We don't make a ton of money and so donor sperm seems to be our best option to have child, but my husband is having trouble with the idea. He says he is okay with it, but worries that he'll always be thinking about it being "someone else's" baby. He thinks he will have a hard time if people say the baby looks like him when he knows it can't. I am trying very hard to help him through this uneasiness so we can move ahead with the donor selection process, but I need help. Suggestions? Anyone been through this? Words of wisdom? Please!!

Julius

That is a tough situation and it will take some time to get there. My husband also had problems at a young age, but he was told he would never have children so he did not have any hope. That brings a different set of challenges. I can see how thinking it would be ok and then learning it was not ok after all would be devastating. My husband was initially totally opposed to using a donor. So, we explored all of our other options because I did not think we would ever be pursuing DI. We met with doctors, attended foster parent training, talked with couples who adopted and an adoption agency, and explored embryo adoption. The cost and risks just were not feasible for us. We then saw a fertility counselor, and that did us the most good. We actually tried 2 counselors. The first one just did not work for us, but the second one helped alot. Just being able to talk about it with someone who could answer questions helped. Knowing we had one hour a week to discuss it helped me stop talking about it all the time which was driving my husband crazy. Neither of us had ever seen a counselor, and he was skeptical of the process at first. In the end, we both agree that it was the best thing we could have done and something we would try in the future if we needed it. We are now at a point where we are at peace with using a donor and agreed it was time to move forward. This was huge for us because there were days I did not see how we could ever agree. I think there will always be a little uneasiness since this is not yet openly talked about in society. I wish there were local support groups where people who used DI could meet and talk openly about their experiences. This whole process was made more difficult because we did not know ANYONE who used a donor. Chances are that we do know someone who used a donor, but no one admits it. Best of luck and feel free to message me.

courtneyga

k&b

MRB

wawafont

I have a similar story to k&b. My husband had a 0 sperm count also. We went to freeze when he was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago and there was nothing to freeze. He got a second option and had a testicular biopsy. Still nothing. We decided on the donor after many years of discussion. We asked his brother to donate and he said no after jerking us around for 1 1/2 years. My husband was open to adoption or the donor. I was the one that took some convincing. Now our beautiful daughter is here and he loves her so much, we both do. I think we will tell her when she is old enough to understand. The donor we chose had the open id option. I didn't want to choose that but we used a face match and he was the only one that came up.

sine4me

parsons

janbaby

My husband was reluctant at first also but now our son is the most precious thing in the world to him and people comment all the time about how much he looks like him, and when they do he smiles so much I sometimes think his face will crack. We are trying for another baby next year but unfortunately my donor is not available anymore so I am hoping to find another just as perfect :-)

jenard99

Me and my husband are both 39 and I want to have a baby with my husband of 3 years. Between the 2 of us we have 3 kids already (23, 14, & 12) the two oldest are mines from previous relationships and his is the youngest. Before we got married we discussed having another child as a product of our love to each other but after trying for the past 2 years he finally confessed to me that he was sterol. I was devastated and hurt. Ever since then I have been trying in vain to get him to see a specialist but he refuses. I suggested adoption and he said no to that as well. Now I'm looking into donors and he basically told me that I'm on my own and this might be the end of our marriage. I also found out that my daughter is pregnant with her first child and I've become somewhat jealous because my husband doesn't want to have a child with me and its causing a majore strian on our marriage. I know soem might see this as me being demanding or crazy especially given that I will be a grandmother soon, but it's not about trying to hold on to my youth its more about having a child with my husband. I'm really considering doing this on my own but I'm scared. Any advice is greatly welcomed.