Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Daddy Question
krisann17
Junior Member Junior Member
I am just starting the IUI process as a 31 year old single women. I have told my family my plans and they have all been very supportive. My question to the group --
When you tell people at work or acquaintances that you are expecting, how do you answer questions/comments like "I didn't know you were dating someone" "Who's the lucky guy" etc.
I don't want to tell people too much information, but don't want to make up a guy. Any thoughts?
When you tell people at work or acquaintances that you are expecting, how do you answer questions/comments like "I didn't know you were dating someone" "Who's the lucky guy" etc.
I don't want to tell people too much information, but don't want to make up a guy. Any thoughts?
Comments
It's true - right? If you say it upbeat that's enough to make most ppl leave it at that.
I've stopped wondering what people will think because in the end it's your life and you don't have to make excuses to anyone. I look at all the idiots that trip on the sidewalk and get pregnant and really have no skill at raising children. I know I can do it will the resources, my love, and my stable loving life that I can provide.
I just want you to feel confident in your choice to be a single mom by choice.
Congrats on taking this huge step!!
Be well
Moe
Hope this helps!
Robin
I thought about the fact that the first trimester can be a doozy as far as being sick and sensitive to smells. Perhaps I'll just have to prepare my response sooner. You're right, when you limit the info that's shared, peoples imaginations run wild! And honestly people are going to talk regardless. And I'm glad that you are getting the support from those who know the details and how much you've been through to get to 29 weeks!!
Thank you for sharing your experience because it's been a while since I've even had that thought process. I've been so focused on starting AF and getting the FET process started.
Enjoy your me day!!
Moe
I think you have received some great responses here. You have to tell people what you feel comfortable telling them... that is for sure! For me, I have felt very comfortable telling people I used a donor... I'm a 45 year old single mom of a 2 year old boy. I work in a small office where we are family essentially and they were all aware of my journey to motherhood... and very supportive. We have some clients which are large organizations... but we've done business with them for years and years, so it's almost like we are staff there as well. I did not tell many there about the process - however, when I got pregnant, everyone knew. Unfortunately, I lost my first pregnancy at 8 weeks... and was partly sorry everyone knew. But I was so wrong. A woman there who's had 4 miscarriages (the last one at 6 months...) was so supportive and comforting to me. Everyone at my office and our client offices was wonderful.
When I got pregnant again, everyone knew I was in the process and how I was going about it. If anyone was judgmental about it, they didn't say it to me. I just felt like everyone was really pulling for this to work for me. My boss was especially supportive and encouraging. And as I got bigger everyone just smiled and was so happy for me, and kept touching my belly! hehe. When he was born people were just so thrilled... it really really touched my heart that that many people - work acquaintances and work friends- cared so much about me and my boy.
My grandmother died while i was pregnant with my son... and I was at a nursing home in rural Alabama for her memorial service and there were 3 women there (counting me) who used Fairfax and the other 2 had sons! I realized then that if a nursing home in rural Alabama can have 3 single mothers who used sperm donors from Fairfax there at one time, then this is more common and accepted than I thought.
And that's been my experience... when I put my son in daycare, it was important to me that they know the situation because I need them on board helping him not to feel different. They've been incredibly supportive. I Christened my son and the lady at the church was a bit flummoxed because she'd never put "NA" on the certificate in relation to a father... I said, there's not one, it's a donor... and she probably was internally judging, but she just said, "well that's a new one for us"...
I don't tell everyone, but if someone asks me, I say it was a sperm donor. Acquaintances and strangers alike... I just preferred to tell them than make up a vacation fling or something... though i thought about that... but then would have to remember who i told what to... Usually they are like 'that's very neat'.. and if they have a problem with it, no one has told me. And I don't really care if they have issues with it even if they did tell me. Most acquaintance responses have been very positive and they don't really ask any questions further..
I have a book I read to my boy about donor families (it's a baby lion and his mommy and they notice all the different kinds of animal families)... he's too young yet to realize, but when we talk about it in a few years, it will be as if he's always known because he will know the story of the lion cub and the wonderful donor who gave a gift to his mommy lion so that he could be born. For me, I don't want it to be a dark secret for my boy... and so the more people in our circle - and his life - teachers, friends' parents etc., who know and treat him like any other kid, well, hopefully he will not feel so different when he fully understands.
Not knowing half of his genetics, the person who is his father, even if not his dad... well, that is my son's cross to bear. But I am hoping that since I view donation as a blessing which enabled his life and our family, and since i'm not hiding it from him or the people in his life... that he will be better able to accept and deal with the issue and feelings... Only time will tell on that one.
That has been my experience... for what it's worth. I sure wish you well on your journey. I wish I had been brave enough to start this at 31 instead of hoping for Mr. Right to come along. I would love to have had 2 kids... but am really too old now. And was extremely blessed and lucky to have had no problem conceiving at 42...so good for you - I hope you get pregnant easily and have a healthy baby!
Though I am married, we are planning on being honest with our child about his/her conception from an early age to make it as easy as possible.
Robin
I did this several years ago and I am very happy I did. Good luck and remember you owe no one any explanations. However be prepared for how to fill out the birth certificate, it caught me off gaurd, luckily the nurse was very helpful and no one else was in the room.
I did this several years ago and I am very happy I did. Good luck and remember you owe no one any explanations. However be prepared for how to fill out the birth certificate, it caught me off gaurd, luckily the nurse was very helpful and no one else was in the room.
Thank you all above for sharing..although I did not start the thread I am glad to have happen to have read it. I was wondering what to say myself. I live in a small town and everyone knows me either by work or church. I am totally unsure still what to say. I am 39, single, not waiting for Mr. Right anymore.
My daughter's birth certificate is simply blank for the father.