Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Single, 40 and Wanting a Baby!!
Butterfly
Member Member
So I made the set-in-stone decision that I want to have a baby. I am so excited about the thought of it because i am at a point in my life that is good. I have a great career, just graduated with my degree in criminal justice, have a home, and now want to focus on---having a baby! I can feel my clock ticking. I don't want to wait for the perfect man to come along anymore and then have kids, because that may never happen.
So i've recently started researching sperm donor banks. I had a friend who became pregnant through a sperm bank donor and we talked about her process some, but it has been a while so i've forgotten some of what she said (unfortunately we had a falling out and don't speak). I don't know anyone else that i can talk to who has done sperm bank.
So i am hoping for YOUR input.
i thought about adoption for a "second" but decided that if i want a child, i would want to go through the process of being pregnant (which i think is beautiful) and birthing. A friend of mine and i have somewhat discussed him being a donor, which i am considering, but i am still on the fence whether i want to go with his or sperm bank. I have concerns about both, but WILL do one of them.
Im leaning more towards sperm bank because I not expecting emotional or financial support. I am already preparing myself for that. But my concern is that my child won't know his other parent (unless the ID option). But I'll handle that when the time comes and hope for the best. On the other hand, i wonder if i'll have resentment with my friend if he's "not there" and gets married and has kids in his marriage. I've also preparing myself that there still will not be emotional or financial support from him, despite our sexual relationship.
Am i going to resent him?
And then what about if he gets married?
Is that he donored for me going to be a secret? I don't want to live a secret.
Whats it going to be like (after i have the baby) if we are at a gathering and in the same social circle?
Is this going to destroy our friendship? Thats why im leaning to sperm bank.
But then i think that here is the opportunity to have a child with a donor i do know, my child will know who his or her other parent is and can see him before he or she is 18. I may never get an opportunity like that again. We're both not sure yet and have more talking to do. One of the difficult things that i find is that he is leaving for afghanistan at the end of the month and will be gone for every other month. My thing is him being too busy and me having to wait.
Thats why im leaning towards sperm bank.
I really dont care about what people think about my child being from a sperm donor (bank). All I care about is having and taking care of a beautiful child. I have spoken to a close friend who is married about it when we went to an opera a few weeks and she asked me if was going to take steps toward having a baby. one thing that really meant a lot to me is she said "you can do it" and she would be there to support me. i also told my best friend and she's very supportive.
My doctor referred me last week and I have an appointment with an obgyn next week. I've started my diary and am so excited....I'm on a roll. I should write a book....
feel free to post a reply or send me an email if you're single and thinking about having a baby, in or did the process, what your concerns are/were....
So i've recently started researching sperm donor banks. I had a friend who became pregnant through a sperm bank donor and we talked about her process some, but it has been a while so i've forgotten some of what she said (unfortunately we had a falling out and don't speak). I don't know anyone else that i can talk to who has done sperm bank.
So i am hoping for YOUR input.
i thought about adoption for a "second" but decided that if i want a child, i would want to go through the process of being pregnant (which i think is beautiful) and birthing. A friend of mine and i have somewhat discussed him being a donor, which i am considering, but i am still on the fence whether i want to go with his or sperm bank. I have concerns about both, but WILL do one of them.
Im leaning more towards sperm bank because I not expecting emotional or financial support. I am already preparing myself for that. But my concern is that my child won't know his other parent (unless the ID option). But I'll handle that when the time comes and hope for the best. On the other hand, i wonder if i'll have resentment with my friend if he's "not there" and gets married and has kids in his marriage. I've also preparing myself that there still will not be emotional or financial support from him, despite our sexual relationship.
Am i going to resent him?
And then what about if he gets married?
Is that he donored for me going to be a secret? I don't want to live a secret.
Whats it going to be like (after i have the baby) if we are at a gathering and in the same social circle?
Is this going to destroy our friendship? Thats why im leaning to sperm bank.
But then i think that here is the opportunity to have a child with a donor i do know, my child will know who his or her other parent is and can see him before he or she is 18. I may never get an opportunity like that again. We're both not sure yet and have more talking to do. One of the difficult things that i find is that he is leaving for afghanistan at the end of the month and will be gone for every other month. My thing is him being too busy and me having to wait.
Thats why im leaning towards sperm bank.
I really dont care about what people think about my child being from a sperm donor (bank). All I care about is having and taking care of a beautiful child. I have spoken to a close friend who is married about it when we went to an opera a few weeks and she asked me if was going to take steps toward having a baby. one thing that really meant a lot to me is she said "you can do it" and she would be there to support me. i also told my best friend and she's very supportive.
My doctor referred me last week and I have an appointment with an obgyn next week. I've started my diary and am so excited....I'm on a roll. I should write a book....
feel free to post a reply or send me an email if you're single and thinking about having a baby, in or did the process, what your concerns are/were....
Comments
I also thought about asking a friend and then decided against it. honestly I thought it might be a little weird because the child would be mine and I did not want any support. I decided to go sperm bank and am very happy with my choice. Honestly at first I did not want an id options donor becuase I did not want the child to have the misconception that contact when they were 18 meant a relationship because it does not. As fate would have it the first donor I used became inactive and I had to choose another, the next donor I felt a connection to was an id options donor. I ent with this donor and obviously he was meant to be the baby's biological father. All of the questions you listed are valid and have the possibility to come true. There are many books out there that talk about how donor children feel. maybe you should pick one up... it may help you feel better about your decision. For me, my little boy will know from the beginning how he was conceived. I couldn't hide it as I have shared this process with a lot of people. I plan on reading a bedtime story to him explaining the process a little from the beginning. He will know how much he was wanted and how much he is loved and will have other male role models in his life. You get so much info about the donors, more than you might get from your friend. That is why this was the best decision for me.
Good luck in your journey
Robin
Im glad you told me that about the RE and i'll have to check early in the week before my appt. That's the main thing that I am wanting is to make sure everything is working. I look forward to getting the books and reading up on that. And it's encouraging to know that you are happy with your decision.
What is BFP?
I will be posting my journey along the way.
thanks for the advice and Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I was having my FSH levels (egg age test) tested the summer I was 41. I was engaged and we were wanting to have a family. I had a procedure to clear out some cysts and such that fall and then the relationship fell apart. I spent November mourning that... and in December woke up and realized hey - I want a baby, with our without a husband/boyfriend. (and now I am so glad he is not in my life having any say so in childrearing!!!) So... my RE recommended Fairfax or California Cryo. I went with Fairfax and started searching donors. By mid-January I had picked my guy and started the injections and did the trigger shot and they did iui (i called it 'using the turkey baster on me'... the RE would laugh and say it was a BIT more complex than that...) I found out I was pregnant the first of March... Turned 42 mid march. Saw the heartbeat late march - but was 7 weeks and the baby measured 5.5 weeks and the heartrate was low. Came back 10 days later and there was no heartbeat. Had a D&C. The RE told me that i really needed to have surgery to remove HUGE fibroids because if baby had stuck, I probably would have miscarried at 5 or 6 months due to fibroids. So... had robotic surgery (6 hours!) a month later. My OB/surgeon turned my uterus into a normal uterus by removing 5 pounds of fibroids. I had no idea how very lucky i was at the time, but it was a true miracle that my uterus didn't completely collapse.
Anyway... had to wait 3 months to let uterus heal before trying to get pregnant again. Started process again in August. FSH levels at 6 (that's where they were before too). Did injections/trigger shot (trigger makes you ovulate and the injections make more than one follicle grow - or stimulate follicle development) and then iui again in Mid august. Found out I was pregnant the first of September. Saw a strong heartbeat and measuring 2 days ahead right around 7 weeks. Still good growth 2 weeks later, so the RE sent me on my way to my OB (same guy who removed fibroids). The next April he delivered my son via c-section (laughed at me when i asked if I could try labor - said bad things would happen to me and baby if my re-assembled uterus went into real heavy labor) at 36 weeks (early because he didn't want my uterus growing past 36/37 weeks due to the surgery on it).
I had just turned 43 when I had my son. He's now 2 and the BEST thing i've ever done! I had two friends from Highschool who were doing the same thing - one using iui and her husbands sperm. She, like me, got pregnant both times she did IUI. Her son is 3.5 and daughter is 6 weeks older than my 2 year old son. Other friend used a friend's sperm (i think they see him and he is known as 'daddy', but isn't a daily part of their lives). She got pregnant on her third IUI. We were all three really lucky because we were all 41 or 42 when we got pregnant. And we all got pregnant with IUI. Many people find it much harder to get that BFP with IUI. (I think the average is 3-7 times before a positive pregnancy) I didn't know this at the time, but my RE's office was really shocked that I got pregnant at all... they see many my age who don't.
But i tell you about me and my 2 friends so that when you go to a RE and you hear the % chances, you also know that it still can happen... Yes you are older, but you may well be very fertile. And if you do have trouble, IVF seems to work for many when IUI does not. Some RE's even have foundations who give grants for IVF or who can assist with loans for IVF if needed.
You will find out quickly that you are becoming an expert on all things fertility! I hope you are blessed with a healthy bundle of joy!!
you are amazing. that you went through all that and did not give up and had a healthy baby, at your age. Congrats. with only the two responses that I have gotten, my decision to become pregnant from a sperm from a bank is so much easier. thanks.
I wish you all the best with whatever you choose. Just know that only YOU can decide what's right for you and your situation
i had my first visit with my RE, we went over the results and she said that my menstrual was too long, my cycles were too short and i ovulated late. And some of this is based on the ovulation tests (with First Response) that i have performed at home. I told my Dr that the tests showed that I have been ovulating, my periods have been regular and it seemed my cycles were what they should be. she said no and that we needed to fix that. So we went to another room and did an ultrasound. to her and my surprise, my right ovary was doing exactly what she wanted it to do and when she wanted and that i was getting ready to ovulate (good news for me to hear), if i wasnt already!! the next day on cycle day 12, i performed my ovulation test with CLEAR BLUE. I had a smiley face (meaning i was close to ovulation) . the next day, the smiley face was gone. So in FACT, i have been ovulating sooner than the First Response had said. I threw the rest of the First Response tests away. Unreliable.
Later this month, I am going complete the rest of my tests (bloodwork for ovarian reserve and HSG) to make sure that everything is ok and working right.
Spoke to my RE nurse today to let her know that today i scheduled my HSG for later next week (keeping my fingers crossed that everything is fine inside). Getting some other things done, ovarian bloodwork and IDS. pending results of those, my RE and i are planning for my first insemination within the next month. very excited!!
Anyone else besides Robin have a baby by 2754?
my close friend asked me if i am nervous. I'm not nervous at all because i have so much excitement about gettin this journey rolling! so excited!!! The main thing is I will try to stay positive about possible bumps in the road. I've read many of your posts and have been impressed that you are able to share the negative aspects of your journeys.
This will be an interesting journey for me, trying to become and (hopefully) being a single parent.
good luck with your iui! Positive thoughts are necessary during this journey! They go a long way. Hopefully it works the first time but if not as long as you belive it will happen than it will...... a higher power gets to choose the time! Today I went to get follow up pics of Maksim and let me tell you..... it was a long process. had we been able to go back when our appointment was I belive he would have been happy and cooperative. Since we had to wait about 30 minutes cooperation went out the window. had I not been taking my neice for her pics to, I would have scrapped the day but since I was ordering anyway I got the best pics of him I could and that was not all that great but they will work.
Sending lots of baby dust.
Robin
I'm sure that even though Maksim wasnt being quite cooperative, he is still cuter than ever!!!. Can't wait to see Maksim in the pics. Are you going to put up another link?
i had my first IUI on the 20 (monday) of aug. that same week my boobs began to get sore. the next week, i had a sharp twinge on my right lower side (not unbearable). like a scientist i been doing non-stop research about symptoms of pregnancy. i took a HPT in the middle to near-end of my TWW and of course it was negative (yea i know, i took it too early because i was really anxious. Man, this TWW thing really is hard!).
on the 2 and 3rd of sept (sun and mon), i had seemed like continuous slight cramping, which i thought was unusual because i dont cramp like that before my period. i dont ever really cramp before my period. but this was two days straight. so i thought either i was implanting late, or AF was probably coming because it was around that time anyway, as sunday and monday are cycle days 24 and 25. i have short cycles, between 23 and 25 days. well, no period. so i thought possibly implanting.
tuesday i went to get my blood HCG lab done. later that day my nurse called me and told me that i was not pregnant. i told myself to give AF a chance to get here because tuesday was CD 26 and the day was not over yet. well at the end of the day, still no period. not even any slight spotting. today im on CD 27.
Ive taken 4 HPTs, including today and at least two of them had a very very very very very faint vertical line. im thinking maybe its just factory bleedover and if i was pregnant the line would be darker than that. the first one i used there clearly was no vertical line. anyway, ive been leaning MORE on the side that i am not pregnant.
i dont understand any of this.
-my first IUI was UNmedicated (natural IUI), so cant see how period would be affected
-sore boobs most of TWW and still now
-slight cramping before my period
-bloating
-ovarian reserve is good and no blocked tubes (ectopic crossed my mind)
-still very slight cramping on and off
-than anything else, unusual late period
i asked my nurse a lot of questions today about late period, menopause, medications affect cycle, which blood HCG test was used, my HCG level, and iui timing.
she told me that a QUANTitative test was used (as its more accurate than QUALitative). My HCG level was "below 5" . a level between 5-25 means pregnancy. But i should have asked her this. if my HCG is below 5 and not zero, then what the hell does that mean?
she told me that in my case, menopause is not an issue because my numbers were very good, my ovarian reserve is above average. one thing i didnt ask her was if an HSG scan has any affect on cycle.
another thing. since my iui, my cervical mucus has been very minimal. that just seems weird to me. im usually wet.
anyone experience something like this?
since yesterday, i have been reminding myself that this will be a journey and there will be bumps in the road. so i am trying to stay positive. i dont know whether to change donors. the donor i used had 15 million sperm.
my nurse told me that my dr will move onto a medicated iui next cycle (this month). if im not pregnant, i really hope my period starts really soon and hope nothing is wrong. but why would anything be wrong all of a sudden after my first IUI?
as i write this, i cramp a little. or maybe its my bloated tummy. i havent eaten yet. seems like the two are hard to differentiate lately. trying to stay positive.
now get to go for an ultrasound tomorrow for my clomid cycle.
Good luck honey and keep your head up!
Good for you for starting the journey. I started at 38, also single, realized the guy could always come but there was a small window period for the baby to come. After 7 IUI's and 4 IVFs (and I had nothing wrong with my reproductive system!) I finally gave birth to my beautiful daughter who is now 17 months old. I was 39 when I got pregnant and 40 when I gave birth. If I'd known it would be so amazing, I would have done it years ago. I also thought about asking a friend, but decided to go with donor sperm. I am thrilled with my decision and while there were many difficult months and years, I have NEVER been MORE HAPPY and fulfilled in my life!!!
IUI's can be costly and often don't work for many. Keep that in mind. The process of going through one after another also can be tough. I have 2 single friends who both did donor egg and donor sperm (one at 42 and one at 45) and both got pregnant with twins. Keep the faith - it is possible!!
Best wishes!
Well I couldn' t be more excited! I took an HPT yesterday morning and it was positive! I burst into tears. I was scheduled yesterday to get my blood drawn for HCG. So i went to go do that, and like last time, the tech told me that I should hear something that afternoon. I went to go run another errand and decided to get another pregnancy test (digital this time). I couldn't wait to get home to pee again. I got home and the HPT said "pregnant"!
I am pregnant on the second try from 2754. Well, now that I know my body is capable of achieving a pregnancy (my very first pregnancy), now it's a matter of my baby bean sticking.
Wow. So let me tell you about my symptoms of early pregnancy. The week I had my IUI (saturday) my breast began to get sore. Just like after my first IUI last month, they continued to be sore for a number of days. During my TWW, i almost gave up hope because I didnt think I would get pregnant. So i just expected my period. But these mild cramps. Weird. Like I said, I never get cramps before my period. And they felt different. And still do. Not period-like cramps. My period cramps are usually generalized and achy feeling. Now my pregnancy cramps are more localized and somewhat sharp, but not unbearable. I sensed that something was going on but did not want to get my hopes up.
Last wednesday I had eaten a late dinner, about 10pm or so. And I drank some apple juice about 12am. Went and fell asleep. I woke not too long after and was nauseaus. I thought it would go away since I had experienced slight nauses a couple days before. But I was so nauseated I could hardly get comfortable in my bed and get back to sleep.
Everyday, i checked my panties and there was some CM. On Friday I was was really curious and took an HPT in the mid afternoon. (i know tests tell you to test first morn urine). It was negative. Not even a faint vertical line. So at that point I became somewhat discouraged and concluded that maybe it wasnt meant to be. I figured one advantage though was that I was going to take a break and use my money for other useful things.
Sunday, I felt bad and was supposed to go to a friend's baby's first uear birthday party. I noticed my whole back was achy and I just felt yucky. Like I was getting the flu. I had actually been administered a flu shot that thursday which i get every year. In fact this time when getting my flu shot, i focused on the "pregnant women" info in the flu vaccine pamphlet. I researched reactions to flu vaccine. I decided to take my temp. I had a low-grade fever. 99.5-99.7. so then i researched temp change and pregnancy. I did not find a satisfactory answer regarding that.
Still puzzled somewhat about my symptoms, i too realized that it was CD 26 and i still hadnt had AF yet. I figured, like last month, i would prob have AF on CD 27 or even 28 (but my cycles are usually only 23-25 days). So i decided i would til yest CD 28 to take HPT. and what a surprise. yesterday my dr called and told me she had good news and that I was pregnant. I was in the middle of something when she called and hated to but I had to cut it short. but i was so happy to hear from her ( she will call tomorrow).
So now here goes my continued journey as a single mother.
I just want to wish those of you who are TTC the best and much sticky dust.