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I'm turning 43, no mate, should I take the plunge?

LT22192LT22192 Junior Member Junior Member
Dear Readers,
This is my first blog about this, so I am reaching out. I had a miscarriage in 2007 and 2009, and I recently found out that I am heterozygous for the enzymes that metabolize folic acid. So, I've been taking all the right supplements. My egg count is high and all hormones are great, so the data suggests that I have ample eggs. The issue is that I am ending a relationship. At this age, I can't exactly go out searching for a soulmate and ask to become pregnant right off. Therefore, I am considering sperm donors. I believe that the stress has caused me to miss a cycle. I was averaging 29-30 days for about 9 months, then this month it's almost 6 weeks. I'm definitely not pregnant, 3 tests say no and no symptoms. I've decided to try and start meditations I found on you tube.

My question is this: Do I take the plunge and go for sperm donation? Can I afford to wait another 6 months?
Thank you so much,
Lille

Comments

  • moewhit25moewhit25 Senior Member Senior Member
    Frankly speaking no, you don't have 6 months to spare it could take that amount of time just to conceive. Now that you're armed with this very important peice of info regarding the enzymes, you should move forward with your desire to become a mother. I just turned 42 and not to be a Debbie downer but the dating pool is very shallow these days. Don't get me wrong Mr. Right might be out there somewhere but if he's in our age group he likely has been divorced atleast once and had 1 or more older kids. Yes you could be a cougar and date someone 10 years younger but that has it's own drawbacks. You may meet your soulmate in 5 years but many fertility clinics have an age cut off after 43/44. PLUS no matter how fabulous we look our eggs are not farm fresh. You could have a very regular cycle and all of your bloodwork is perfect but the egg quality may be questionable. Apparently this all rapidly declines after 35 so at 43 you have NO time to waste!!!

    Have a consultation with a RE (fertility doctor) and discuss options. Yoga, massage, and acupuncture have worked wonders for several ladies on this forum. Feel free to ask any questions. It seems very easy but it's a challenging process that may take a few tries.

    Good luck!
  • latebloomerlatebloomer Senior Member Senior Member
    Lillie,

    I agree with Moe, no you do not have another 6 months to wait. Most clinics have an age cut off and some won't even let you do IUI if you're over 41/42. Keep in mind that things can look good on paper but your body may tell a whole different story. That's what happened to me. The doc basically ran every blood test known to mankind and I had the HSG & Sonohystagram and again looked good on paper. I wasted time & money doing 6 IUIs (I did get pregnant on the 3rd one but it sadly ended in a MC at 8 weeks). After I moved on to IVF this spring I found out I have an egg quality issue and it's purely due to age as I am healthy and have no other untreated medical issues. When I started the IUIs last year I was 39 and have since turned 40. The deal with egg quality is that you can't tell what the quality is unless you are doing IVF. I would suggest taking a few days to make sure this is really what you want to do and that you're not reacting because of the break up. If you feel it in your heart and know that this is for you, get to an RE and get your show on the road! Best of luck in your decision making!
  • sine4mesine4me Senior Member Senior Member
    Lille,
    I have to agree with both Moe and latebloomer. I'll be 37 next month and started this journey last October. Like Latebloomer, on paper everything looked great for me too and I shouldn't have any issues getting pregnant. I've had 5 failed IUI's and am moving on to IVF as well.

    If you're ready to be a mom, then I say don't wait either. Everyone wants to think it will happen after the first or second try, but you don't know how long it will take you to get pregnant. I would also recommend going for IVF right off the bat if you can. For me, it would have saved so much money, emotions and time....but as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

    Best of luck to you on your decision and journey to get pregnant.
  • Anne72Anne72 Senior Member Senior Member
    Don't wait! If this is something you are sure you want, go for it NOW.

    I started 18 months ago on my 39th birthday. My numbers are awesome and I produce lots of eggs but I've had 10 failed IUIs and one miscarriage plus a failed IVF and it looks like my 2nd IVF won't happen due to some timing of my period (damn my body). At your age, skip IUI and go right to IVF
  • satisfysatisfy Junior Member Junior Member
    I agree with what everyone else has said. I just turned 40 and for the last 2 years have been struggling with infertility. I got married older and my husband has 2 children from a prior marriage. They have told us that there are no "problems" that they know of but I do think that the majority of the issue is my age. If I had to do it over I would have started at a much younger age so I think if you really want a child start as soon as you can.
  • kitpawkitpaw Junior Member Junior Member
    Lille- Check out the Single Mothers forum here at Fairfax.
    I'd say no. I started trying at 40 - very late- and had low ovarian reserve. Took 1.5 years to get pg on 5 IUI tries. Get a workup from a reproductive endocrinologist and see what your hormone levels are like. At 43 your chances are fairly low without IVF. Even with IVF, you may have to consider donor egg and donor sperm. Don't delay.
  • horsinaround222horsinaround222 Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm going thru the same thing now - im 44 and between jobs and breakups it never happened.
    My insurance after a 2,600 deductable will only cover iui
    Which seems crazy but it seems knowing this I wouldn't have a choice for ivf
    unless I pay out of pocket
    how the heck is all you single women affording it!? I'm struggeling to come up with the money up front
  • smilingeyessmilingeyes Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi Lille, I agree with everyone else. I am a proud single mom of a beautiful 17 month old daughter that I had at age 40 with donor sperm. If I knew it was going to be this amazing to be a mom, I would have done it years ago! I still want the man, but the pressure is off and I have 0 regrets. She is the best thing I have ever done! It took a while to mourn not doing things the traditional way, and I went through 7 IUI's and 4 IVFs with alot of ups and downs through the process. I have 2 other single friends who got pregnant with donor eggs and donor sperm- both with twins, one at 42 and another at 45. Best of luck!
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