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Having another?

cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
My little guy is approaching two! I'm approaching 43, so if I want to give him a sibling I need to get moving. I'm wondering if anyone here has made that decision. I know my age is not in my favor and I can't quite imagine the logistics of it all, but would love to give him a sibling and go through pregnancy and all the baby stages again. But, it's not the same level of need I felt before I was a mom.

Comments

  • brandybrandy Junior Member Junior Member
    Me, too! My daughter is 2.5, and I've just started the process to try again. I NEVER intended to have more than one as a single parent, and I still think I'm insane...but I just really, really want to do it. I'm just a hair shy of 39, and have no clue if it will work or not (you never can tell when someone's fertility will go downhill), but I've started clomid and go in for my ultrasound/follicle check next Monday...then we'll see, hopefully a (successful) IUI!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    How exciting, Brandy! Here's to a (successful) IUI! I know every woman's fertility is different, but I was 40 when I got pregnant. I had a few months with no IUI, skipped Clomid, did one month of injectibles, and got pregnant with my first IUI. So it most definitely is possible in the general sense. I'll be thinking of you on Monday :-)
  • brandybrandy Junior Member Junior Member
    Thanks. :-) I'm cautiously optimistic. With my daughter, I had an RE, and the RE skipped straight to injectibles as well, and the first one took. I've since moved, and there isn't an RE for four hours in any direction, so I'm seeing an OB that does IUIs. He starts everyone on mimimum Clomid protocols and works his way up -- no tailoring based on previous experience, age, other factors. I'm not impressed with them for a lot of reasons (they didn't do any sort of psych eval or counseling session, or even ask me WHY I wanted to get pregnant -- I walked in for a consult and walked out with a prescription for Clomid -- and they didn't even ask if I'm taking folic acid, etc.), but it's the only game in town, so I hope it works.
    I think it'll be a tough year, but my daughter is already so very indpendent, that I think she'll be helping out soon, and doing a lot more to get herself ready. Career-wise, this next couple years is a bit quieter for me, so no better time to add an infant to the mix.
  • mjvmjv Junior Member Junior Member
    I'd like to have another as well and definitely relate to the 'I must be crazy' idea.
    My son is only a few months old, & I'll be 43 this year so I don't have time for
    spacing beyond the requisite 6-9 months (c-section). But I'm already contemplating
    how best to proceed, trying to stay on top of my nutritional status etc... I say go for it!
    I feel like being a single mom, is all the more reason to have more than one. Even though
    it's bound to be challenging, to me the idea feels more 'complete' than just the 2 of us...
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Thanks! So nice to know I'm not the only crazy one :). Decision time will definitely need to be soon for me given my age as well.

    Sending positive thoughts your way, Brandy!
  • moewhit25moewhit25 Senior Member Senior Member
    I just had my first and likely only child at 42 years old. I'll be 43 in a month. It's been a long journey and I'm still adjusting to being a single mother by choice. At times I get overwhelmed with the anticipated childcare costs and how I'm going to make it. I would love to try for another next year BUT simply wouldn't be able to afford it without a second income. I make a decent living but when I go back to work, I will have to pay over $1400 for infant daycare!!! I wish I lived near family so that wouldn't be an issue. For now I'm just enjoying my 4 months off (without pay) with my darling daughter, Kennedy.

    Good luck ladies!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Congratulations on your cute little girl, moewhit! Definitely enjoy that time off - I work in the schools and had a July baby so had the rest of the summer and then three unpaid months at the beginning of the school year. Definitely worth the financial sacrifice to have those first months with my little one. I am lucky enough to pay half that for daycare and have family nearby to provide additional help. Having my dad available to watch my son when he's sick has been wonderful.
  • azlesterazlester Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi Ladies,
    I just found out about this forum today after calling Fairfax. I'm also a single mother by choice and my little girl will be turning 2 next week. I never thought I'd be contemplating a second but the more time that goes by the more I want HER to have a larger family. I did just find out that the donor I used for her is not available which is heartbreaking. Has anyone had to deal with that? The original plan was to start first round IUI in June. I was lucky with pregnancy with the first attempt in 2010 at age 40. Good luck ladies!!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Hi Azlester,
    It sounds like our stories are quite similar. I also got pregnant on my first attempt in 2010 at age 40 (turned 41 two weeks before my son was born). I had a boy who will be 2 in two weeks. I'm still contemplating the second - I feel so much older now, but know I need to make my decision soon if I'm going to try. I overbought the first time around anticipating it would take more than one attempt, so I have several vials of my donor stored. I can imagine it would be heartbreaking to if my donor were not available. Were you able to go ahead with IUI this month? Best of luck!!
  • alison5alison5 Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi Everyone,

    I had my first at 39 and my second right before my 41st birthday. (They are now 2 and almost 4.) It is so funny because most of what is being said is what I felt. I never throught about having more than one being a choice mother, but then my family suggested it. I have to admit, I had heard things about feeling that your family is complete, and I felt that way after having my second child, but not after having the first. My OB told me to get pregnant fast because I was "old". It happened on the first try (the first one took 3 tries). It is harder having two people who are very dependent on you, but they play together and interact, and really love each other. I wish anyone trying for another the best!
  • moni0811moni0811 Junior Member Junior Member
    Hello! I am 37, a future SMBC, and have my vials in storage. Hopefully to become next year for ICI. It good to read about other ladies' experience and being a Single Mom! I know that I haven't had my first baby, but I never know what in store for me. But, I have enough vials for 4 ICI or other procedure in those are necessary (I hope not.)
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Good luck to you, moni0811! It's a wonderful journey.
  • fspurrierfspurrier Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi! Glad I found this blog. I had my first daughter 4 years ago at 38 on my first IUI try. It wasn't until this last year that I seriously started thinking about having another child. I think she would make a wonderful big sister and i love motherhood! I have 2 vials left and have just begun the process for another IUI but i am fearful that it will take more than 2 tries and the donor isn't active anymore. Looking for any suggestions-should I just have faith and go the IUI route? Should I just jump right into IVF? Should I try IUI once and if it doesn't work then move to IVF? Has anyone useEd a different donor for their second child? My prolactin level is 11 and AMH is .64. Any thoughts, opinions, or support is welcomed!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Hi fspurrier! I got pregnant with my first at 40 on my first IUI (it was medicated). I had several vials left and decided to try again at age 43 using the same donor (I also had vials stored) and almost the same meds. My first IUI was a success again and I am now 11 weeks! So, it is possible. What does your doctor recommend? I do have friends who used a different donor for their third child and it doesn't seem to be an issue for them. If you do end up using another donor you're going to love your child no matter what and they will grow up as full siblings regardless of genetic makeup. Best of luck to you! Keep us posted.
  • SMC86SMC86 Junior Member Junior Member
    Hi ladies,

    I too just discovered this forum after talking to someone at Fairfax by phone. I have a daughter who is 5 and am now 9 weeks along with #2. I'm very excited and a little nervous about all the extra juggling, but with #1 now in Kindergarten in public school, my expenses with her are much lower, and she's also at an age where parenting is not so intensive. I think she's going to love being a big sister (she has asked me for a sibling for years) and can't wait to tell her.

    Good luck to everyone!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Congratulations, smc86! I feel the same way - excited but definitely nervous about the extra juggling. Mine will be three years apart. I think the first two years will be tight financially and a bit overwhelming but ultimately so worth it!
  • cglankcglank Junior Member Junior Member
    I had never planned to have more than one child, but I feel more and more that my little girl needs a sibling! I've been contemplating another for a while now and have decided to move forward! And yes, I think I'm crazy (as do most people) Unfortunately, my donor is not available either, so exploring other options now. Wish me luck please!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Best of luck, gclank! That's exactly how i felt. It is a crazy and exciting journey :-).
  • suzanne-mariesuzanne-marie Junior Member Junior Member
    I'm also going the "crazy" route and contemplating having a 2nd one. My little boy was born in October, and I just turned 37. I know I have time, but admit that I'd like to do it sooner rather than later. Had to go via IVF and luckily have several very viable embies in storage. Its just a matter of actually going through with it! The daycare costs are insane, but hopefully worth the sacrifice!
  • mab9w7mab9w7 Junior Member Junior Member
    I too am seriously thinking about a 2nd. My baby girl is 8 months. I am 38, and I had a wonderful pregnancy. I really wish I could meet some other single moms for play dates and maybe sharing with the pregnancy stories. Congratulations to all the single mothers making it happen:D
  • BlessedMamaBlessedMama Junior Member Junior Member
    I just found out about this forum too and just " pulled the trigger" on trying for #2.... My daughter is almost a year old but I was told when I conceived here, knowing I wanted to her to have a sibling, that I should try again as soon as I was able to. ( I conceived via IVF - got pregnant 2/2tries with IVF but 1st pregnancy ended in early m/c) I just turned 39.... So I start my stimulation meds today.... Very surreal. Excited for #2 but also feel like I just went through IVF ;) best of luck ladies!
  • cathmurphcathmurph Member Member
    Best of luck to all of you! I am quickly approaching the 20 week mark and will find out if I'm having a boy or girl this week. My 2 1/2 year old son has consistently referred to his baby sister so I fear I may have my work cut out for me if I have to convince him he's going to have a brother. He is far more excited than I realized he would be. The other day our cat jumped onto my stomach and my son yelled, "hey, your hurting my baby!" Melted my heart.
  • roby72roby72 Member Member
    Hi!!! I am so glad I found this post!!! I am a single mother of a beautiful 2 year-old baby girl form donor 4031. I have been thinking of having another one for a along time, and I hope to start the process in a few months also because I am over 40, but in excellent health and had no issues with my first pregnancy and deliver. I have 1 vial left from the same donor + he is still available for siblings, so I am excited to the idea to give my daughter hopefully a full sibling. We are now in 15 in touch on a FB secret group from the same donor and it is amazing to see all those kids that range from 2 1/2 to 6 months old.
    My only problem is that my daughter is still nursing, but trying to wean her slowly so I can start the process again in June so if it works they will be 3+ years apart which is what lots of people recommend something quite doable for a single mum with family overseas, but I have lots of great friends around. My fertility doctor won't even see me after she heard I am still nursing, and of course even though my cycles are perfectly normal and I ovulate regularly she thinks that nursing will lower the chances anyway.

    I admire all of you that are going to experience their second baby and I think I never had such strong desire for a second and make my family complete.

    Best of luck to you all and please keep sharing your amazing experiences,

    Roberta
  • brandybrandy Junior Member Junior Member
    Cathmurph, congratulations on your pregnancy! I don't check in on this site nearly as much as I would like. If anyone is interested, I belong to a wonderful group of SMBCs on Facebook (it's a private/secret group) -- some are TTC, and others already have their families complete. It's a very supportive group of ladies; send me a message with how to find you on Facebook if you'd like to join.
    I did end up trying for #2, even though I still think it's insane to go beyond a 1:1 ratio...but my daughter was (is!) so amazing, how could I not try again? So my second daughter was born in January, and I'm learning how to be a mom to two. I am exhausted and more than a little frazzled, but oh man are they worth it. :-) I'll try to post a pic of my girls.
    PK2.jpg 28.8K
  • roby72roby72 Member Member
    Hi Brandy, what a beautiful picture!!! How many years apart are the girls? I also sent you a private message let me know if you got it.
    Thanks so much for sharing,
    Take care,
    Roberta
  • libergirllibergirl Junior Member Junior Member
    I just joined this forum and it's so awesome to go through all of the different threads (even though some started two years ago!). It's even more interesting and very encouraging to see the time progress from planning on having a baby, going to for the IUI and having the baby! I just started my journey, I go in for my first IUI (medicated) next week. I don't even have the first yet, but when I made the decision to be a SMBC, I figured I would likely have a second, maybe even a third! Crazy, I know, and so many things can change, but it's good to know that at least two are manageable. Good luck to all!
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