Whether to use a donor or a friend?

highlyfavored

I'm planning on being a single mother and I have the option of using a donor or a friend. Choosing a donor is starting to look very complicated but choosing this friend seems easy for now but who knows what the future will bring. I only have my right tube and think that it would be better to go with IUI but my doctor doesn't want to inseminate with "Live Sperm" because there is the possibility of putting and STD or anything else directly into my uterus. I have already gone thru the 5 days of Clomid and will be having an U/S on Thursday to chk my follicles. I am thinking of trying my friend (by natural means) the 1st go round and if that doesn't work then I will attempt IUI with a donor the next time. Any feedback would be appreciated.

B4baby

I would highly recommend going through using a cryobank and anonymous donor as opposed to using a friend. We were considering using a friend but we quickly decided against it once we began hearing legal horror stories. If you do decide to use a friend, I would be sure to have legal paperwork drawn up and signed by him ahead of time. We have heard of cases where the "friend" ends up deciding they want legal rights to the child, and a court has ruled in their favor. Be very careful!

highlyfavored

Thank you B4baby, we have discussed the fact that I don't require anything from him and he has stated that he could possibly want to be in the child's life so I don't have a problem with sharing custody. Now if it gets more complicated than that then yes I agree with you that legal documents will be necessary. But I wouldn't think of excluding him if he wanted to be a part of the child's life. That's just not my style.

yanla_til

superpearl

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Thank you but this is not my 1st child, I have raised a child before which is why I wouldn't mind him/her having their father in their life b/c it does make a difference whether we want to admit it or not. So whatever I have to do to compromise or whatever is what I will do. But that child is now 16yrs old and I haven't found "Mr. Right" so I decided since my clock is ticking to not wait on "Mr. Right" if he is even out there. That's really the only reason that I am considering a donor is because its more convenient in a way but at the same time its difficult sifting thru them trying to decide which one to use. I know I'm rambling so hopefully you get the picture. Baby Dust to you as well.

highlyfavored

Hi superpearl, Yeah I don't know what happened to your post. Just now seeing it wasn't on here last night. But let me just clear up a few things. I'm not trying to start a family I already have a son and he already has kids. More than likely we would let the child know what is up from the beginning. It's no different than if we had a child together and broke up. I want another child since I have had 2 m/c and lost a tube in the process I looked into other options. Well my doctor put me on Clomid to get a thicker lining and make sure I get good follicles on the side with the tube that I have left. My friend wouldn't be "donating". We have a relationship. So if necessary we can just time our "relations". The question is if my chances of success would be better doing the bedroom mambo or with IUI. And even if I go with IUI then no I don't have to wait 6mths to use his sperm. This has already been discussed with my doctor. His swimmers would just need to be washed before they are introduced into my uterus. But thanks anyway for sharing with me.

superpearl

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Dreamaway

swtpotata

I have an ex that I am friends with that has 2 girls from a previous relationship and he is open to having more kids. He has offered to help me and said he will be as involved as i let him. He doesn't have custody of the 2 other kids so I am not too worried about him trying to get full custody. I am financially stable and will be a good mom. I am planning on trying with him for a few months and if it doesn't work then do all the fertility tests the RE recommends. ( I am almost 38 AMH .75 and FSH 8.7). If it doesn't work the next few times i will plan on doing treatments. But if i can save 40k that is 40k i can put towards my child's college. I have heard people talk about putting stuff in writing but I have heard from a couple of lawyers its not worth the paper its written on. That a lot of courts won't honor that. I know this could complicate things. but if i had a baby with my b/f or a DH and broke up i could have the same complications. Nothing about this situation is ideal its life....