Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Advice....3 D's are consuming my thoughts.
lace
Junior Member Junior Member
Get the donor or get the divorce anyway i look at it I feel depression. DONOR/DIVORCE/DEPRESSION!! My husband (40 yo) and I (35 yo) got married 2 years ago he has a son (16) who he has sole custody of (ex wife is deceased). Before we got married, before we even talked about marriage, I clearly stated that I wanted children of my own, it was a nonnegotiable. I always knew I wouldn't marry someone who didn't want to have children. So our plan was for me to finish school and then we would start ttc. We started a bit early (unprotected sex) not really trying, but if it happened great. After a year and no luck I started to pay more attention to my cycle and after about 6 months and with my OBs suggestion we went for a sperm analysis. His counts were low and motility "lacked forward movement". We have discussed options and originally thought we were going to do ICSI, but he kept on brining up this money issue. Of course we don't have that kind of money in our back pocket, but there is financing. The Dr wanted another analysis and this time it showed no sperm. So after some research and talking to my insurance co our plan covers up to 10,000 for infertility,but only for artificial insemination. He was receptive saying that he would "do it because he loves me." That statement hurt. It hurt because I feel like the desire to have children is not the same for him as it is for me. I decided to just accept that because I love him. I have been looking at donors and had to get over some issues with that, but I narrowed down to some donors that had some of the qualities and characteristics of my husband and then i presented them to him. Through our searching and discussions he always seems to bring up the topic of money..."wouldn't you just rather get a bigger house or kids are expensive or his son is going to be going off to college." Blah blah blah. In the mean time we came across a donor that looks like my husband's childhood twin! He couldn't believe it and was like this is the one. Of course the donor had no more of the preparation we needed, but after speaking to my Dr he said he could use the other preparation. I put us on the waiting list for the original prep and it became available and 2 vials were offered to us. Needless to say we have only a few days to accept the vial and my husband is now starting with the whole money thing.
I am angry at him (actually if I think about it I'm hurt). How can he say he would do it for me because he love me and in the same breath bring up money ? Then a few minutes ago when I told him I was ordering the vials and did he think I should buy more incase we needed more cycles he pretty much stated "I'm only doing this for you I'm happy with [I will call his son Chris]". I'm tired of this! In a sense I want him to say I don't want anymore kids because it seems like it would almost make it easier to walk away. I know that I was born to be a mother. I've never wanted anything else. When I was in grade school and was asked what I want to be when I grow up my answer was " a mom". In high school they asked me again and I said "a mother" to which they told me I had to pick a career. I'm so frustrated part of me wants to just do it - I have the money, but for some reason I'm putting it off. Feels like I'm intentionally trying to miss that deadline. Would someone please give me advice. And if any guys are out there I'd like to hear your perspective too! I have knots in my throat and stomach. I feel very alone, and notice that I don't want to be around people with kids because it just hurts. ��I haven't spoken to anyone in the family they don't know about our issues because we didn't decide if we were going to tell people (for the child's sake).[/I]
I am angry at him (actually if I think about it I'm hurt). How can he say he would do it for me because he love me and in the same breath bring up money ? Then a few minutes ago when I told him I was ordering the vials and did he think I should buy more incase we needed more cycles he pretty much stated "I'm only doing this for you I'm happy with [I will call his son Chris]". I'm tired of this! In a sense I want him to say I don't want anymore kids because it seems like it would almost make it easier to walk away. I know that I was born to be a mother. I've never wanted anything else. When I was in grade school and was asked what I want to be when I grow up my answer was " a mom". In high school they asked me again and I said "a mother" to which they told me I had to pick a career. I'm so frustrated part of me wants to just do it - I have the money, but for some reason I'm putting it off. Feels like I'm intentionally trying to miss that deadline. Would someone please give me advice. And if any guys are out there I'd like to hear your perspective too! I have knots in my throat and stomach. I feel very alone, and notice that I don't want to be around people with kids because it just hurts. ��I haven't spoken to anyone in the family they don't know about our issues because we didn't decide if we were going to tell people (for the child's sake).[/I]
Comments
That's a tough one. Have you come right out and asked him if he wants another child? I am in a similar situation with my husband. He has a biological daughter, his first wife died, he is says he's fine either way about having another baby, always brings up money (so now I'm paying for everything), and he got a vasectomy shortly after his daughter was born b/c he had really bad sperm.
I also made it quite clear from the start that I wouldn't date/marry any guy who didn't want kids. But he says he wants them, but I guess just doesn't want to pay for them??? lol. I'm 37 so all I hear is my clock ticking now!! We actually go into a huge argument the other day after I was already half way through my first clomid cycle... and I'm on day 10 now so I had to order for monday. Eventually I decided that I would just pay for everything myself (which I didn't plan on or do I really have the money for) and just do it by myself if I have to. I can't give up this dream I've always had like you, so yesterday I ordered one vial. I can always order more if I need to, but I thought if it's meant to be, then it will happen. Maybe that's just blowing smoke, but I'm going for it anyway! Too important to me. Good luck to you! Hang in there... I know how you feel...
Oh yes I've been very to the point with him. Before we were married he said he wanted children and now when I ask him his reply is, "I will because I love you." That statement is so hurtful to me and I told him just that. His answer is "well doesn't that show you how much I love you," but it doesn't make it hurt any less. Last night after posting, I was reading on the American Fertility Associations website and it stated that once a woman reaches the age of 35 she has already lost 95% of her eggs. I literally started to cry. I knew there was a decline, but jeez I didn't know that the numbers looked like that. So I slept on that and this morning when I woke up I thought the same thing "I can't give up this dream I've always had." Then I thought maybe I could wait a little longer and he'd come around...next I heard my mom saying "there will never be a right time, there will always be something, if you wait for the right time - you may miss your chance." I transferred money from my savings called Fairfax and ordered 2 vials. I'm glad you answered because I haven't told anyone we are going this route only because I know my husband is playing out all the different scenarios (are we going to tell the child, what if the child fells like something is missing or different). I figure when he knows where he stands we can take it from there. So now I'm waiting for AF, then I'll call the office and we will take it from there. Will this be your first attempt? Keep me posted. Interesting that we both came up with the same solution.
I honestly figure too, that I'm no worse off right now than if I was single... maybe there's someone better around the corner for me??? But I can't really take that chance now.. worst case is I'll be single raising a kid like millions of other women out there. Really not too bad, not ideal for me, but I can do it.
Ok girl! Positive thoughts! It's your time and I'm moving you to the top of my prayer list - everyone is about to move down a spot! Keep me posted!
I did/do the same too, with dance classes, friends, sleepovers etc. Honestly I don't think my husband really appreciates it.
I'll keep you posted and you do the same. Thinking of you and sending positive vibes...
A slightly different circumstance since there is no father in the picture but my daughter will always know that a special man gave mommy an amazing gift. And for your husband - a biological link does not a daddy make. Daddies are about love.