Family

cphill05

Just wondering how did everyone's family react to the news when you told them you and your partner were trying to have a child? How did you tell them, etc.

Mrs and Mrs S

We actually haven't told our families that we are trying to conceive because we want to stay away from the added pressure of "are you guys pregnant yet?". We've been together for 12 years and one of the first questions that is asked of us is, "so when are you guys going to have kids?". We are so happy that we get a lot of support, but I am just waaayyy too superstitious to let everyone in on the process from Day 1. I plan on telling everyone when we are in our 2nd trimester.

B4baby

We didn't tell them until after we were 14 weeks along. They had no idea we would ever have children and were super excited when we told them. I was nervous that some family members would be negative about our decision and decided not to involve the family at all since it was our decision. Too many opinions can lead to stress and that was something we didn't need when starting our family. If we have a second child we wouldn't tell them until we were in our second trimester again. I have a family member who has been doing IVF for years and every time they try again it is shared with everyone in the family. Everyone is always so disappointed when it doesn't work out. I feel just awful for her. That was another reason we didn't want to tell anyone. It was hard enough for us to deal with the disappointment when it didn't happen each time- I wouldn't want my family to feel the same way. It is an individual decision though. Best of luck to you!

NatashaLovesKatie

We've been sharing the whole process with my wife's parents. We're so fortunate and they've been super supportive and we've shared every aspect of TTC with them > From asking their input on donors, to helping us financially with a loan for specimens, to seeing them after our first IUI this past Sunday! We're a really close family and I couldn't even imagine holding some aspect from them.

cphill05

Before telling our parents, we wanted to make sure that AI was even an option for us. My partner and I decided to tell our families that we were looking into our options on becoming parents. We had been going to a lot of appointments and it was started to become a hassle to "lie" about where we were always going. We live closer to her family than mine. My family is about 2 hours away. We were both nervous about this as we didn't know how either side of the family would react to the news.

We told her parents first. Her dad didn't say anything. Her moms response was, "This is a lot to take, I'm going to have to think about this." Her sister and niece are jumping with joy...they can't wait. Her sister and niece have been our main support system (as far as family goes). When we need to talk, they are the ones we go to. Since telling her parents they have not discussed anything further with us. We figure when they are ready they will talk to us.

Next we told my parents. Again, my dad didn't really say much. My mother said "Are you crazy?" and other random things like "You never wanted children" ... etc. Nothing about this conversation was calming or comforting either. We haven't spoke my parents about having a child since this time either. My grandma was accepting overall. She was the most positive "parent" in the entire situation.

Now that we are PREGNANT We haven't told our families or friends. Mostly because I am only a little less than 5 weeks pregnant and we don't want to get "too excited" too soon since we are really early in the pregnancy. The only people that know are her sister and niece.

Has anyone else gone through a similar situation? How did you deal with it? And how did you eventually tell your family that you were pregnant???

B4baby

Congratulations We sent everyone a valentines day card when we were in the second trimester. I photoshopped little hearts that said love, hugs, and baby on them and then made a little poem announcing that our baby would be due in August. The phone calls poured in congratulating us. Our family asked- are you adopting? Is one of you pregnant? Who is carrying the baby? They have all been super supportive, but I don't know if my mom would have been as supportive if she had known from the getgo. Now she couldn't be happier than to be a grandparent. Best of luck to you. That baby is gonna rock your world!

cphill05

Congrats B4baby! Good to hear that things worked out so well! I'm sure we are making it out to be worse than it really will be. But you can't help but worry. Thank you for the POSITIVE feedback!

kris&shan

We told our families that we were going to try to get pregnant before we started the process, and it wasn't a positive experience at all. When my partner did get pregnant (with Donor 2994), and we told everyone, there were lots of wonderful responses, except from our parents. About half way through the pregnancy, our parents started coming around, and as soon as he was born, everyone was thrilled and in love with our little baby. He has 5 wonderful, loving grandparents with whom he spends a lot of time. Thank goodness for 9 months of pregnancy because our families needed that time to get okay to the idea of us having a baby. I'm getting inseminated in a few weeks and we have told everyone except for our parents because, even though they are so happy to have Vedder now, we are still nervous about their reaction to us "bringing another baby into a gay household." We think they will be happy that we want Vedder to have a sibling, but I don't want to risk introducing any type of negativity into the situation pre insemination. I just hope they don't feel left out in the case that they would be excited and supportive this time. It's just one of those things.

z_anat

Hi Kris and Shan,

I have twin girls from the same donor - 2994.
How can I cantact you?
BR,
Anat

Uclagirl24

cphill05 wrote: »

Just wondering how did everyone's family react to the news when you told them you and your partner were trying to have a child? How did you tell them, etc.

My husband and I only recently made a decision to use a donor. We decided to tell the family early on because technically it is a medical condition and not my husband's fault that he has a male factor infertiltiy. We have been married for 5 years and TTC, but our chances of conceiving naturally are around 4% as opposed to 20% like normal couples. To my surprise, my family reacted very well and reassured me that it is the right decision. Hubby and i were a bit nervous telling his family, but that was the right thing to do. We were not planning to make it a secret- family comes in all shapes and sizes, and if we need help having a baby then be it. My husband's mom seems ok about it after we told her so I am relieved. Hubby said that regardless of their opinion we are still going forward with our plan, but of course it would be nice if they were on board.
The important thing is that my husband has been amazing througout the whole thing. He filled out our paperwork for the new fertility doctor, and he is going to call to order our vials this week. I got to choose the donor because he allowed that decision to be up to me. My mom and my brother were helping me a little in the process of selecting a donor. My sister offered her opinion as well. But i ended up choosing an Asian donor because my husband is Chinese and I want the baby to look like him.
My advice is- do what you feel is right for you. If you want to keep it to yourself, that's your right. I was nervous, but sometimes people may surprise you in a good way. Remember that
your family wants you to be happy.