Hello and welcome to the Fairfax Cryobank Family Forum!
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Email
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
The forum has a new look and the Fairfax Team is so excited to create the best experience for our users.
To Note:
Private Donor Groups and Private Sibling Connection Groups are now located under the category "Groups". Search the donor number in the search box and you should find exactly what you're looking for!
Questions about your forum access? Email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Follow these steps to join a private donor group:
1) Press "Join" at the right of the group
2) Once prompted to confirm your request please list this information so we can verify your information:
Name (under which the vial was purchased)
Clinic Name
Donor number
Child Date of Birth
*If you are looking to start a private group for a PRS donor please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com with the above information and that you are looking for a PRS group*
If you have any questions about the verification process please email forum@fairfaxcryobank.com
Donor Egg and Doner Sperm
ctinay
Member Member
Hello. I'm 44 and getting ready to do an IVF cycle with donor egg/sperm. My post is complicated so bear with... It has taken many years to get to this point and have regrets for not freezing my eggs or trying to do this with my own eggs when I was still "fertile." I was very uneducated about fertility. 
I was wondering if there were any other woman on this blog that could share their stories or words of advice for making the decision to do this and how you have or will explain it to the child and even those around you (if you are choosing to be open). At 44 and single, I'm certain people will wonder how this happened and will ask questions. Anyway, Of course, there is no guarantee this will work but I am hopeful and thrilled at the possibility to be a mother. The other side to this is that, for many reasons, I chose to go this route as opposed to adopting. But, there are family members who are adamantly opposed and are calling this route a sin. Should I feel guilty or that I am doing something "wrong?" Very confused.
I was wondering if there were any other woman on this blog that could share their stories or words of advice for making the decision to do this and how you have or will explain it to the child and even those around you (if you are choosing to be open). At 44 and single, I'm certain people will wonder how this happened and will ask questions. Anyway, Of course, there is no guarantee this will work but I am hopeful and thrilled at the possibility to be a mother. The other side to this is that, for many reasons, I chose to go this route as opposed to adopting. But, there are family members who are adamantly opposed and are calling this route a sin. Should I feel guilty or that I am doing something "wrong?" Very confused.
Comments
I have a fabulous two-year-old son conceived with my egg and donor sperm when I was 40. It was an emotional decision to make, but absolutely the best decision I've ever made. I had to come to terms with what my life was like versus the image of how I expected it to be. After the decision was made, I felt a sense of peace. I also have had several people tell me that they could see a difference in me at that point. If people asked, I was open with how I conceived. Truthfully, very few people asked. Those close to me knew and supported me fully. Most people have just been excited - including people who are quite religious. If anyone thought it was a sin, they kept it to themselves and have outwardly supported me. The only person who I ever had any kind of negative reaction from was the guy I had dated prior to making this decision. He was not ready to move forward or give a realistic timeline (could be 1 year, could be 5 years, who knows) and I could not continue as we were. So, I took time to think and realized if I could only have one, I wanted to be a mom. He was upset that I made that choice. I can't say that I blame him.
At the moment, I'm at the point of deciding whether or not to try for a sibling. This is proving to be a tougher decision for me. I always envisioned more than one child, but am very content now that I am a mom and a little leery of rocking the boat.
I hope this helps. I'm happy to answer any more questions if you want. I say, go for it!
I thought I tried to join Single Mother's by Choice and I never heard back. Not sure what I did wrong. I am definitely interested.
It will bring you to the website, choose contact or membership. I believe you will need to send them an email and pay for a membership.
Re: Donor Egg: Take time to grieve, I have been grieving, but am steadily coming up for air. Perhaps seek a talk therapist to express how you feel. Like cathmurph says, its like adoption. You control the 9 months. Keep in touch.
I'm a SMBC and I have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. I also struggled with the idea of having a baby on my own. I was raised by a single mom with an absent "father". I would not ever change my decision to have this baby on my own, would I have liked to have been married, yup, but that didnt work out. so thanks to medical science I am able to have the family I always wanted.
Just know this, you will LOVE LOVE LOVE that little baby!!!! No matter the dna of it all!!
as to explaining this whole thing, dont worry the words will come. just always be honest on a level that the child can understand.
I have become good friends with other SMBC who have used the same donor and my daughter's family has grown and she has life long friends, yes we all live with in 3 hours of each other. and I have have friends who are in the same boat as I am, and its so much easier to discuss issues that I might have.
as for people asking questions, oh yes they will ask, but there are so many of "us" out there, that someone always knows someone who did the same thing. It is awkward in the beginning and I stumbled over words but now I'm just like, I had her on my own, used a sperm bank LOL. dont worry about it, just do what your heart wants. I also prayed a lot. I'm not religious but I do believe there is a God.
Good luck to you!! feel free to private message me if you would like.
I wanted to comment on this thread because I too may have to use donor egg and sperm and was worried about that lack of biological connection. Someone at the clinic I am working with told me that just because a baby doesn't have your DNA, if you carry it, it is your biological child. This really resonated with me because when I was going through cancer treatment last year I needed a blood transfusion. Pre-transfusion I could be described as a pale, cold indie rocker and a lifelong hater of tomatoes. Post-transfusion I tan super easily, am not always freezing, can only listen to hip hop music when I run AND I like tomatoes. I know it sounds crazy but I swear that those 2 pints of blood changed me. I thank my blood donor every day for both saving my life and also for making me tan! Imagine how much of you your child will actually be made of - much more than 2 pints! When we explain to our kids this biological connection we can tell them that they are like the drawings in a coloring book. The donors, they provided the outline, but we gave them all that color!
Christina