Any one feel guilty?

mountaingirl

Hi everyone,
I am a single woman with a ticking biological clock. I am exploring the sperm donor route and am finding myself feeling guilty about it before I've even ordered vials!
I feel guilty for not giving a child the chance to have a father and I feel scared about my child having many (I've heard it can be 100's) half-siblings. I was wondering if anyone shares these feelings and how overcome them?
I don't want to sound negative as I think sperm donation is such a wonderful thing for so many reasons, I just want to see if I am the only one feeling like this.
Thank you!

latebloomer

I honestly have never felt guilty during my whole journey. I believe each person has to make the right decision for them. For me it was about starting my family and experiencing the pregnancy myself. Most sperm banks are retiring donors once they reach a certain number of reported pregnancies to keep from having the 100's of half siblings but they are basically at the mercy that the recipient reports the pregnancy. At the end of the day keep in mind you're not responsible for the half siblings and are not even obligated to have a relationship with any of them. I am one that has decided that I will not be online searching for half siblings and that may change down the road but I feel that I've gone through so much to have a child I selfishly do not want to share my child in that way. I've been at it for almost 3 years so it's been a long road for me and so many others. I just think you have to do what's right for you. Go with what your heart and gut are telling you. If you feel using donor sperm is not your thing, consider freezing your eggs while you wait for Mr. Right but hope that Mr. Right comes as soon as you need him to and that he has working swimmers!

JacesMom

Dont feel guilty at all, i was worried about my biological clock i wanted kids by 30, so my partner was ok with it even though we were only together 6 months , i didnt know if they would be around in the future, but i took the chance because i wanted a child before i couldnt or didnt have the chance (money). When u have that little bundle of joy in your hands trust me you wont even think twice about if you made the right decision, so many people these days are single parent families and its all good. Just because theres no dad doesnt mean they miss out on things. Theres always family and friends to fill that void.

cathmurph

I'm also a single mother and have a 2-year-old son using donor sperm. While I do wish he had a father, and that I had a husband, I have no regrets about having him on my own and don't feel guilty. I would much rather have him and be single than be in a relationship and not have him. If I didn't go this route, he wouldn't exist. He doesn't know that he's missing anything and I feel like he has so much more going for him than many kids in two-parent families. He gets lots of love from my family and friends. In terms of the half-siblings, I believe Fairfax caps the families with pregnancies from a particular donor is 20. That is still a lot of kids, but not close to 100 unless each of those families has 5. If it helps to alleviate the guilt, know that starting out with two parents is no guarantee that you'll have two parents throughout your childhood. And starting out single does not mean that a father figure won't be added to the picture/family. Life can be unexpected. Best of luck!

NatashaLovesKatie

Hi MountainGirl, I'm not a Single Mother by Choice (SMBC) but being a lesbian who is TTC with my wife I can somewhat understand. Society puts a lot of emphasis/pressure on a child having both a mother and a father but that's all it is society pressure to fit into one way of thinking. Do what you think is best for you and your family.

As for the having 100s of siblings... well they aren't really siblings in the same way you might be with your brothers or sisters. I heard the term "Diblings" somewhere and I thought it was cute.

You might want to look into the various types of Donor Disclosures - Open vs. Anonymous and the Sperm Banks Guidelines on number of donor specimens sent out to clients and limits of Births.

There's also a great resource for you online where you can find hundreds of women in the same position as yourself! Go to singlemothersbychoice.org

Good Luck on your Journey
Natasha

Anne72

SMBC here of a wonderful 7mo girl. Zero guilt. Best thing I ever did and I know that she is a completely loved and wanted baby.

mountaingirl

Hi everyone,
I'd like to thank you for taking the time to answer my question. You have all made me feel very supported in my journey. All the best to you!

IndianaTwins

I am a single mother by choice and have raised 17 year-old twins on my own. It hasn't always been easy but it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my kids and have never regretted my decision.